Not cool enough

I'm just not cool enough. I try, really I do, but I am simply not cool enough for what I do on the weekends.

See, black boots, jeans and a black t-shirt just don't get me any cool points in the kink world. Admitidly I'll never be out of style in that outfit, but it has never won an award.

And so, I am making a list of clothing items that I am going to start obtaining for myself. That, plus learning new kinds of kink should help me become the coolest guy in Milwaukee's kink scene (yeah, cats out of the frickin bag, I live in Milwaukee, WI). So here's what I already have and what I need.

Already have:
-Jeans
-Lots of pervy black shirts
-Black boots
-Red Converse Hi-Tops
-A black mesh Topping thong (Damn it I am domly in a thong)
-Silly Hats

What I need:
-A black Utilikilt
-Bigger Black boots
-A new black dress shirt (its just a good thing to have that I am missing)
-3 new pairs of jeans
-Cool sunglasses....must look evil
-New glasses ('scription ones)
-Black leather belt with rows of little studs on it (http://www.rebelrebel.uk.com/images/FourRow.prod.jpg)
-Novelty Hats (thanks go to Sally jane for reminding me of a very special)
-A Jaunty Eye Patch (what can I say, I have a silly prop fetish)

Okay, I just have the best idea for a party I have this weekend. Black Monk Long Sleeved T (or a black button down over a pervy T, Black boots, black mesh Topping thong, and pants. But, as soon as I tie da boy down, off come the pants and (maybe) out comes a lawn gnome or a silly hat, but for sure out come a few canes and my sadistic side. Oh, and da boy will spend several minutes confessing his desire to be topped by someone in a black mesh thong before any hitting.

Tomorrow I'm going to get a cute black button down....maybe two of them, and maybe some jeans.

Until then....

Jake

Figuring out the blog thing

Well, heres the deal.

I'm not abandoning this blog at all. I like it alot and I think blogger has some major advantages over LJ. However, I am able to check a bunch of friends at once on LJ and I like the interface better. Sorry to admit it but I do.

But I hate having this and not properly using it. So I am trying to figure out how to set something up so I can post to LJ and have the posts show up here as well. Any ideas on how to make this happen would be super appreciated.

But yeah, I am going to try to be here more often. Check back later today for more jazz.

Jake

It's definately been awhile since I blogged, but I have loads of cool new stuff for y'all today.

First, a bunch of stuff about the new car. First of all, failed emissions test (boo!) but other than that I love it. I just added a BDSM flag sticker to the back of the car so that fellow pervs will recognize me. Chip and Dip have both taken a few turns at driving my car....for which I didn't have a stroke or heartattack. I didn't throw a nutty and no one died while the sisters (Chip and Dip) were driving. And, one of the sisters, Dip, discovered that the button I had assumed was a panic alarm was really a keyless start button....w00t!

Let's see, tomorrow I'm going out to lunch with Batina and the Piercer and then to a movie....Batina is out on an extended date with the Piercer right now. I'll just be making a brief guest appearance for the company and the sushi

Before the new year, I want to learn to love coffee...really good coffee...perferably learn to love even black coffee.

And last, I'm embarking on an interesting journey for the next few weeks. Batina promised the Piercer that she would have someone capable of doing anal fisting for a class he is teaching at KK. All well and good, especially since I wasn't the one she was going to have do it. But truth be told, there is a fairly decent chance that her other partner whom she asked to be the fistee will back out. And so I've been asked to play the role of the understudy. I am so not a size queen and I have very little expierence with advanced anal play. But I am determined to be ready by the time KK roles around.

Anyway, thats the lastest of my life.

Jake

I've taken several phone calls today from a variety of people. Not one of them has said goodbye. Everyone just hangs up these days.

On a seperate note, tomorrow is going to be less fun. Why? I've been "invited" by my grandfather to a luncheon with the GOP candidate for Governor and Rudy Gulliani. Its a $50 per head fundraising event for the GOP. ANd I have to give my cgrandfather credit on a variety of levels. He tries to be active in local and state politics. He is trying to spend time with me doing things that he believes me to have interest in (politics). He is trying to get the sisters (Chip and Dip) interested in politics by bringing them. And he doesn't ussually beat me over the head with GOP propaganda. There are a few little problems.

I'm not even a little bit conservative. I never have and have little intention of voting for a GOP candiate. I'm a registered Democrat. I'm a kinky, bisexual, polyamorus guy. I've actively campaigned for a variety of Democrats. I've donated time and money to defeating the GOP. I have no interest in a GOP fundraiser.

I've always been really wishy washy with him on my political leanings. He knows I'm a Dem, but I soften to avoid fights. And this unfortunately, has lead to the belief that either a) I'm interested in hearing propogranda from both parties and that I'm open to alot of ideas or b) that I might flip parties.

Problem is.....I'm in politics to win. Thats what I care about. I'm not into a blanaced discussion of the issues in an election year. I'm in it to win and to see my party gain more power.

Oh well, nothing I can do now. However, I am going to make it more clear that scheduling me for things without giving me anything more than an offhand comment about something like this won't happen. I'll grant that I said something to the effect of "Oh, that's nice" when he mentioned this several weeks ago, but I didn't commit to anything, I didn't indicate interest, and I didn't say that I was free that day.

Oh well, I'll just deal with it.

Jake

So I'm on hold with my shrinks office (ADD) and listening to hold music, when the music changes. What comes on is the music from Schindler's List. I know the piece well seeing as how I've played it in concert twice. If my phone line was full of depressed, anxious people trying to get appoitnments with doctors, frankly, I'd choose an easy listening station for the hold music.

Bad music choice.

Jake

Blah

Well, how are things with y'all?

I'm rejoining GD soon (hopefully by this weekend). I miss hanging out in Chicago and I miss seeing people down there.

I've had a throughly unproductive day today. But in the last hour or so I have felt much more into the idea of doing work. Cleaning, reading, writing, etc.

By the time I go to sleep tonight, I need to have finished writing my father's birthday gift. I'm making him the same thing I made for my mom, a framed list of some of the reasons why I love him. Hopefully, it will fit somewhere on his office walls. Also, I'm promising to help him redo his office as a gift. As a wise person said, "Whats the use of having a fag for a sun if you can't get free decorating?"

The more and more I think about it, the more I want to make writing a part of my life. I want to be a published author. And so, I've got a few ideas cooking, and I'm doing a little reasearch to see what the field is like.

I need to have coffee/dinner with a variety of people. Jonathan canceled on me tonight, but we rescheduled for Friday.

I'm feeling somewhat apprehensive about restarting school full time in a few weeks. I need to get ready for that.

I'm going to go back to making book notes now.

Jake

Cured!

You know that last post? About being burned out on BDSM?

Well, I'm cured.

Batina and I did 3 scenes this weekend....one of me playing the part of the toppy type, and two of be getting hurt for the amusement of others.

And one of them was really cool because it was sensory deprevation with hurting in it too. The perfect blindfold, plus earplugs, plus ear muffs, plus gag. Next time, I want us to get a spandex hood to just compltely depersonalize me and also vet wrap my hands so that those are taken away too.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, but I'm all better now. And I know its okay to have off days.

And, I'm renewing my GD membership. I'll be down on the 12th! Hurray, Chicago here I come.

Jake

Its entirely possible that Batina hit it on the head with a conversation we had about 30 minutes ago. As some of you may have guessed from the last post, I'm just really feeling the BDSM vibe in myself as of late. Which I find both disconcerting and highly annoying.

I've tried the last few days to respark the interest, hoping that I was having a momentary hiccup in the libido department. And I was sure this would work. Find a little awesome porn, find a new fantasy or fetish to mentally play around with, or just sleep it off like bad tequila. And its not really been working. I mean the goodies are working just fine, but one shouldn't have to try much harder than normal to get off when looking at and reading some of your favorite porn. One shouldn't have 4 windows open, each with a different favorite fetish, and still be working to get a firm erection rather than a half assed one. I've tried approaching my favorite fantasies from the top and bottom side. And nothing.

This is actually pissing me off alot. I mean, its one thing to have a few bad scenes, a few days of feeling off your game. Thats completely acceptable. But, this is just pissing me off.

And Batina, being the wonderful person that she is, did a little research on what I was feeling. And she thinks that I might be burned out on BDSM. And the worst part is, she very well may be right.
And really what she told me, and my quick research (which will likely be confirmed by more indepth research) tell me I have 2 basic options.

One is I can tone down the BDSM or temporarily eliminate it. Just give myself a rest for awhile. Just not play, or attend munchs or maybe even skip conventions till the spark comes back. Wait a few weeks or months till the spark comes back on its own.

Option 2 is that I spend some time trying to remember why I like BDSM. Go back over old checklists, remember and focus on good scenes, try to rekindle my interest in the scene and push away or eliminate the parks causing me stress.

And I am sorely tempted to try my own option 3. Which would be to say that the idea that I'm tired of BDSM is crap. To throw myself even more headfirst into the scene. To hide any feelings behind a carefully constructed mask. To basically leap headfirst back in and hope for the best. And I may end up with that option or with one of the other two.

I'm not happy that I'm burned out. I don't even want to admit that I am. In fact, I'm not admitting it. I'm willing to grant that the possibility exists that I'm a little tired. But thats all.

Anyway, I have a long to do list in front of me, 3 open Word documents with some important stuff in each one of them, plans for tonight and some reading to do. So I'm going to go get started on my lists of stuff and think a little.

Jake

There was a party over the weekend that I went to, but didn't really enjoy at all.

All the ussual suspects were there and I had been in a really great mood leading up to the party. I had a few scenes being negotiated, it was a chance to see some people I don't get to see often enough, and the playspace is really great. The plan was to head out there and grill out and hang out. Then possibly play and have a good time.

And I just didn't have any fun at all. I did one pretty mild brief scene with a good friend. Normally we play harder and longer, but I just wasn't feeling it and so I called it. Didn't safeword, just said that I was done during a pause in the action. And, that scene wasn't very much fun. I mean if the scale is -10 to 10 with 0 being neutral, -10 being appallingly horrid and 10 being super fabulous.....it was like a 2 or 3. Not bad, just not really all that good. I was hoping that scene would get me in a better mood but it didn't.

I was smart enough to cancel a scene that I had asked to do with Batina. I just knew if we did it, that it would end poorly. I'm very glad I decided not to play even though I wanted to and even though I really want the type of scene I asked for.

In thinking about this, I've realized that I can't remember the last private party that went well for me. Everytime one happens, I seem to have some sort of issue. Ussually a bad reaction to a scene. But every event in the past few months has started with me walking into feeling bad, feeling off, feeling that things somehow aren't right. And each time, things seem to go badly.

And I know that its bringing down other people. I mean, parties are like that. One sad person is infectious. Right now, I'm considering whether I even want to go to the next party, whenever it is or even go to the next big event (KinkyKollege). Everytime I go, it seems to end badly, so better to just skip it is my thinking.

Right now the munch is on an every other week schedule rather than weekly. And tomorrow we have a munch....I'm thinking of not going. Just finding something else to do with tomorrow night. I just can't seem to get interested and happy (at the same time) about BDSM recently. And I'm not exactly sure what to do either.

Anyway, I'll figure it all out eventually.

Jake

I'm back

And once again, Jake has failed to update his blog for, um, like forever. But, I'm back in a blog writting mood and I always loved writting here when it was a good habit, so yeah, we'll see how this goes.

First, had a wonderful date with Batina the other night, good times were had by all.

Second, because there is a just and loving god, I picked up my new car a few hours ago. Its a beautifully maintained Mazda 626 with lots of cool features. And its only about $200 more than my settlement. And I was looking at cars that were as much as $800 more than my settlement (plus tax, title, plates, etc) which were much less fabulous. Now I get to show it off. The sale went so smoothly, I am so happy that little bit of my life is over with.

Thirdly, hopefully, soon, like sometime next week, I will be able to move my primary residence back to my apartment. Which is good because all my stuff is there and I need to spend more time there and I want to get out of my parents place.

Fourth, I have a meeting with the chair of the department at school later this week to see about making the process of finishing a little easier. Hopefully, it will go well.

And lastly, I have a party tonight. At the same place and approx. the same time of year as my very first pervy party. Hopefully I'll have fun stories of that soon enough.

Well, time to go get something tasty to bring to the party and then get dressed. I will try to update more often in the coming days.

Jake

S is for stupid

Yesterday was in many ways a red letter day. If the Red Letter is S for stupid.

I lost my Debit card at the mall. The place I get my hair done has a shitty card reader and so I had to use the ATM to get them cash. Which would be great if somewhere between the ATM the store and the door, I hadn't lost the card. But it was okay, I realized it soon enough to get it from mall security (the director of mall security must have a very very small penis if the gaudiness of your hat and uniform are any measure). I got my card back, called some people, hit another ATM (needed cash for drinks in the fruit loop) and drove to Andrew.

Except I left the card in the second ATM. Yes folks, I lost the same debit card (which I've had for years) twice in a 12 hour period....the second time, I hadn't even had the card for a full 30 minutes before I lost it. I was so busy on the phone that I ignored the loud beeping which occurred after I grabbed my cash and jumped into the car. Yeah.

Then, over dinner with the wonder twins (who aren't related and look nothing alike) and Andrew, I found out I had been subpoenaed. A guy vandalised a van at work back in september. And rather than pleading down to disorderly conduct or 4th degree lewd conduct with a kitchen appliance, he's going to court. After apparently firing atleast 4 public defenders and decieding to represent himself once every two weeks. My plan is to show up to court in ripped jeans and a hat that says "fuck you" on it. Then I'll say, when asked the first question, "I plead the 5th, until we work out the matter of this "Witness Fee" that your subpeona talked about". Thats when I'll get thrown in jail for contempt. Really, this case should have been plead out for the cost of damages plus a 500 dollar fine.

And last of all, I found a very nice present for someone. But I was unable to obtain it without my card. However, Andrew has come to the rescue on this.

Yes, yesterday was a red letter "S is for Stupid" day. Today i plan to spend the day looking for cars and then hanging with old co-workers who also have been ordered to court. Then Andrew and I might actually make it to the Fruit Loop.

Jake "S is for Stupid" Bullet

I'm back

Well, it seems that I've let my blog get way too dusty. Which is less good. And in many ways I've missed the opportunity to write. To process things by writing them down, to share funny stories and to just send whatever passes for coherent thoughts in my mind float out into the blogosphere.

Well, that and it was suggested by people that I resume blogging.

So yeah, here I am.

And, I'm not sure what to write. Which is somewhat amazing when you think about it. Alot has happened since my last entry. And, yeah, I don't know what to write.

So, I'll blog later tonight or tomorrow. Andrew and I are going boy hunting at what passes for gay leather bars in the area.

Jake

I was in the middle of making the bed, but then I realized I just want to write. And I owe it to some people in my life to write about some stuff. So this may have a sort of stream of conciouness feel to it, hopefully its readable.

-I'm over at Sally Jane's place, I'll be leaving in like 3 hours, but I only have maybe 45 minutes worth of tasks to do and thats if I move at a slow pace. So I'm not worried.

-I'm getting more and more concerned about my appetite of late. See, since approximately when I started a new medicine, my appetite has gone down like 50-67%. I'm only eating half to a third of what I normally eat. And part of me says "well its not like you don't have ten's of thousnads of calories stored around your midsection, so just don't worry about it.". And I have lost a significant amount of weight both in terms of pounds and in terms of inches over the past few weeks. Which is good, I need to lose weight. And this isn't like the med I tried like 4 years ago which made it absolutely impossible to eat for a week. I can eat, I sort of want to eat, but not really.....its just, I look around at various kitchens and resturants and delivery places and see nothing I want.

-The other day I went out to dinner with Andrew and I wanted comfert food. So, we go to the chain of pasta stores and order my ultimate personal comfert food A large order of Mac and Cheese, Chicken on the side and evtra cheese. Cool, right? I grab choptix (look its a thing, leave me alone) and toss the chicken in the pasta and begin to eat. And I don't want any more of it at half way. It pretty much tastes fine, and I'm with good company and the discussion isn't such that I can't split my attention between Andrew and my food. But I decide to keep trying to pick at food. And in the end, I *can't* eat any more, I don't want anymore and just looking at it is making me slightly sick. And there is still a third of the dish in the plate. And for the record, I have *never* ordered that dish and not finished it easily. I'm getting slightly concerned. But I can't shake the voice that says "Um, dude, you need to lose weight badly, like medically, so don't fuck with something thats thinning you out". Oh well.

-Tonight, Batina and Sally Jane and I are going running, we're training for a marathon, the Chicago marathon. Later this week we will sign up for the marathon with the non-redundable, no-transferable, pretty up there cost. So its either run it or blow the cash. If I can run a marathon, I can do anything.

-In about 5 minutes, I'm going to use WebMD or something to learn more about the new meds.

-Then there was the party yesterday. Which went....less well, which is my doing. It was a fun party. A bunch of pervs including Jakc, Batina, Sally Jane, me, Sally Jane's new boy, and serveal other good pervy friends. And somewhere in between walking in and half way through, I went from in a good mood and talking and being social and all that jazz, to completely flat. I was in such a funk that I was bringing down the entire mood of the party. And everyone saw it. And everyone asked about it. And Sally Jane and Batina tried the little things that normally help perk me up (playing with the back of my head, giving me a micro endorphin rush by twisting my nip, etc). And nothing helped. And I just sat there the whole party, bring everyone down, not saying anything, with a long face. And I feel bad that I fucked up the party. And I know Sally Jane and Batina are worried about me, which is totally understandable. And everyone, including me, is confused because I don't know why or how or when it happened. And so, now I'm here, spewing in my blog because I don't know what to say or do. I need to find a way either not to be flat, or to quickly recover. Grrrrr.

-Later this week, its time to get better running shoes and the training book we are using on running a marathon. Myabe I'll hit up Amazon and order now.

-My parents and I still have hours of "discussions" left to have which thrills me to no end. I just want a car to use, and to be back at my own house again. Grrrrr.

-I need to talk to Andrew and figure out if Saturday works for him.

-The weirdest thing about not eating, is that I'm hungry, sort of, but I don't want to eat. In fact in the last 24 hours, I've had a few beers, a few Rockstar's, a gluecose tab, and a small amount of baked beans. Oh, and a few strawberries with a bit of cake/tor/pie thingy. Thats not alot. Thats alot less than normal. And I keep looking around for something I actually want to eat, and I see nothing even remotely appetizing. Nothing. This is getting odd.

-I wish I had answers for Sally Jane and Batina about yesterday. And I wish I had some answers for when even more people start asking me about the party come munch time. And I wish I had answer for myself. Grrrrrr. Becuase I know Sally Jane is confused, and I know that Batina feels me mentally screaming into her ear. And I know everyone else is wondering a combination of "whats wrong with Jake/Did I do something?". And I can do is say that I don't think it was driving over (I don't like cars but I freak out whenever I have to be a passenger) which I know Sally Jane worried about. And I don't think that anyone did or said anything thing messed with my head. So, I'm leaft pretty sure it wasn't 2 things, but without even a good theory as to why I was so off my game.

-I should go work on chores and then grab a shower and then get ready to head over to Batina's for our run. Me thinks that it would be easiest for us all, once we figure out how long all of this takes us to do, to scheudle it into our various calanders the same as an appointment or a date.

Alright, time to be productive.

Jake Bullet

Randomness.

Thoughts of the day are as follows:

-I *can* use my current parking sticker on the shitty minivan that I am stuck in. I don't even have to visit the police station I can just write in the information myself. W00t! This means as soon as possible, like, um, Saturday, I am getting out of my parents house.

-I think I'm driving my parents just as nuts as they are driving me. And talking to my father this morning, he says we need to have a "discussion" but my lifestyle (i.e. my social calander and my sleep times.) Problems with this are, I've been (generally) going to bed at midnight/1-ish and waking up at 8or for several weeks now, I dunno what they are bitching about. Problem the second, my social life is actually tighter and more scheudled out now than it ever has been. What do my parents think just because I don't call them from my own apartment and say "Hey just as an FYI, I'm going for drinks and not sleeping at my own house tonight", that it doesn't happen?? WTF. Also, if they want me to do boring, mindnumbing tasks that they only mention offhand once every 3 weeks, then they need to more firmly remind me to do it, otherwise, it ain't getting done. Additionally, since when did my social schuedle or sex life become there business?? And, since when do I need permission to walk of a room to take an important phone call?? Grrrrrr. I'll be out soon and a much happier boy.

-Next, Sally Jane looks happy and that makes me happy. Yeee Haww!!!

-Next, I'm going to spend a fair amount of my day cleaning, and I'm okay with that.

-Next, I nearly have a very important letter finished. Need to run it by Jonathon and probably Batina/Sally Jane, but its looking good.

-Next, mentally taking alllllllllll of yesterday off was very good for me, I was able to be happy, pleasent, conversational and give good massages at the munch yesterday rather than being flat and negative.

-Next, I need to write an e-mail to Batina/Sally Jane. Thats right after the letter is done.

-Next, this laptop is very hot, I am not even going to set this thing on my bare legs and type. can we spell 2nd degree burns?

-I have awesome green/yellow/purple bruises on me....and thats hot. Hey, Mr. Ninja, next time I'm in Chitown, want to do a straight up punching scene???

-Next, I need to call my doc re: massive appitite changes.

-Next, I need to buy a book called "The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer"

-Next, Yesterday I decieded to train to run a marathon with Batina and some others. I don't care how long it takes to finish, but fuck, if I can finish a marathon I can fucking to anything.

-Next, Henceforth, Batina's new boyfriend (okay they have been seeing each other for awhile, but whatever) will henceforth be known as.....Jack....because thats nothing like his name. Sally Jane's new possible boy toy will get a name soon enough, if he keeps being the awesome person we all think he is.

-Next, I need to find some casual way of letting Sally Jane's new boy toy know that if he hurts her even a little, even on accident, even if its only for a fraction of a moment, then I'll break every bone in his hand. I think thats fair? Right? :-D

Okay, I could keep "Nexting" (which is an old debater thing for when we forgot whether we were on point 13 or 14 and just stopped numbering) all morning, but I want to be productive. So....

Toodles!

Jake Bullet

Well, I just got done meeting with a psych guy regarding ADD. And it was a fairly productive meeting, so yeah there's that. I'll be seeing him again next week to start working.

I'm still dealing with this ridiculous insurance thing. What pisses me off the most is if they had said "Hey we broke your part, but weren't going to fix it, so go fuck yourself", well then I could have just gone and taken care of it right away and it would only cost 100 bucks. Not the obscene amounts this is going to cost. But I've got a few options and so I'm going to keep working those angles.

I feel kind of weird lately. Just kind of mentally out of it. But, that'll come and go, so I'm not all that concerned, its just a little annoying. And for no reason I can discern, my appetite is fallen alot. Like I'm sort of hungry, but I don't want anything to eat. Its weird.

But oh well, I have a letter to write to insurance people today, and something to write up for Batina and Sally Jane and also a thing for the new pysch guy. So I guess I'm going to go write. But first, I'm going to go wander around the kitchen and not find anything to eat again.

Jake Bullet

Mentally whacking off

Okay, fine, we can all admit, I don't want to be at my parents house right now. I miss my things, my set up, etc. But I can't do anything about it. So its time to stop mentally masturbating and just get some stuff done.

I've moved all my ADD books into my temporary room, I've started a folder on the computer where I can keep my stuff and I've got a very important appointment tomorrow. I can still get alot of stuff done at my parents house. I may not like being here, but whining about it gets me no where. And is unproductive. And is probably annoying to the people around me.

So, on todays agenda we have the following:

-Take Amen's test then read his book
-Make notes of small items you want to get before school (special alarm clock, timer, new organizational scheme, etc)
-Go back to dealership to deal with car (short version, Valvoline broke my car to the tune of $1300-$1800....they want to give me $105 and a can of STP....we are in negotiations and I have no car now.)
-Make notes for possible book (maybe do a version of it as an indy study at school???) on ADD

I may not be at my house, but I can be productive just the same. Oh and I need to remember to eat. I completely forgot to eat anything at all yesterday....not good for stomach.

Oh, and anyone with ADD who reads this, feel free to offer advice or drop me a note, I can always use more information.

Okay time for work....and pasta.

Jake Bullet

ADHD

Well, it appears that I haven't really posted anything in over a month. Which is unussual for me.

But its been pointed out several times recently that I haven't been blogging at all of late. And, to be honest, I miss the opportunity to write, to vent, to mentally explore ideas, to comment on my own life and my friends lives. Lately, I've missed it more than before and so here we are once again.

Why did I stop blogging for 6 weeks? Well, several reasons. Sometimes I just don't feel like writing anything, sometimes I forget, sometimes I don't have time. And all of those reasons have occured at one point or another recently, but its really not the main reason. I got out of the habit because I didn't want to write about something specific and habits/rituals are good things for me. They help me keep things in track.

What didn't I want to write about? Well, I dropped out of school in early Feburary.

I dropped out of school. I dropped out because I had reached a point at which it was less productive for me to be in school than to drop out. My grades had been steadily falling, my attendence was horrid, and I couldn't keep track of the day to day details in my life. And its because I had unmanaged, unmedicated ADHD.

I've had ADHD since I was 8, but starting Sophmore year I stoped taking meds and I didn't have any coping strategies.

So I've been spending the time since then seeing doctors, reading books, learning about ADD, and trying to get ready for when I go back. I now have a PDA, a purse (god do I love having a purse!), alot of other small things to help me cope. And I've made alot of good measurable forward steps and I still have more to do.

But yeah, Batina and Sally Jane and I are still having huge amounts of fun, and they are the two best allies I could ever ask for. I'm planning on going to Shibaricon in a few weeks. I've done alot of really good stuff lately. I've hit some road bumps, but I'm working with those. Working on becoming mentally healthier and learning how to drive the race car that is my mind.

So yes, I will try to bring blogging back into my life. And try to keep it interesting for all who still read. But yeah, I'm back and I'm getting better than I have ever been.

Jake Bullet

Still have the plague, and its getting worse not better. Therefore, I am going to the urgent care clinic in about 20 minutes.

And (this hella sucks) I can't go to the munch tonight. I almost never miss them and I am already pissed that I can't go, but I know after an hour or two I'd feel like microwaved poop and I might infect all my friends. But I still reserve my right to pout about the fact that I can't go hang with my friends.

On a lighter note here are the last 5 songs I've listened to on my computer

-Theme to Brokeback Mountain
-You spin me right round (The 80's are coming back!)
-Swing Life Away by Rise Against
-Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie
-Let's Push Things Forward by The Streets

I have an odd collection of music

Jake

productive

Today was supposed to be a productive day.

I was going to pick a cell phone (for when I switch in a week or so), learn more about possible PDA's, attend a very important meeting to get answers to a problem I have, and do some more reading. Supposed to.

Here's what happened.

-The only solutions that the meeting offered would make my problem worse not better, once again, I don't fit in the mold. And thats probably my fault.

-I can't pick a phone because I can't find out which ones are relaiable (I want an inexpensive one to come with the plan, so I'm very limited in the choices)

-I didn't get any research done on PDA's....the one I want is too expensive for the money I have available. So I need to keep looking. Hurray for me.

-Three books and a hat came in the mail. The problem is one of the books is written by a woman who I think is pyschotic (and I only skimmed her ramblings), another is written by guys with real problems making me feel like a whiner for even bringing mine up, and the 3rd is too short to offer any help. Plus I look terrible in the hat.

Today's been great, just great. Tomorrow's looking even better.

Jake

Today, I realized that 75 percent of the keys on my key ring were useless. Keys to old cars, old offices, a bike lock I no longer have, old houses and sveral that I have no idea what they were ever for. So I got a new system and dumped 12 useless keys. I still have them, just in case....but now I'm only going to carry the essentials.

Oh yeah, and tomorrow....Andrew and I are going purse shopping.....for me. I just need more storage space.....I'm manly enough to be able to carry a purse.

Jake

Screw you Sprint, I'm going home

Screw you Sprint!

I'm done with sprint, done. Absolutely completely done. I'm sick of bad reception, dropped reception, incoherent billing, pricey service, dropped calls and all of it.

Sprint can officially eat my ass. Its time for the good people of Sprint to play my favorite game....Hide and Go Fuck Yourself.

T-mobile is out too, Andrew has toooooo many horror stories already. So I am going to take an hour sometime tonight to compare US Cellular and Cingular. And soon I will pick one and switch.

(In defense of Sprint, when I went to the store about an hour ago, they were able to give me 500 additional anytime minutes for the month, giving me around 200 minutes to actual use in the coming days. Buying those minutes also changed my bill from about $140 to $50. But, other than that they suck.)

If anyone has suggestions on which company is better, I'd love to hear. All I want to do is make calls....I don't care about ringtones, games, text messaging (I *maybe* send 5 of those a month), or anything fancy. I just want uber minutes for low price and a huge block of time listed as Night and weekend/unlimited use.

Stupid bloody phones.

I'll blog more later.

Jake Bullet

Well, that was certanly odd.

I just had a dream, that I did bear role play. Wearing a bear skin rug. With a real bear in the room. Apparently we ate jam together. No, it wasn't a "hey this sounds fun" thing.....I thought the bear would eat me if he thought I was a human. Dreams are weird.

Quote of the Day (from a few days ago)Sally Jane: (On Prostitutes on the street) If they've got all there teeth, she's a cop. If they've only got 3 or 4, then she's a crack addict and its okay.

Not sure I completely agree, but it sounded funny.

Okay, time to go prepare for a very busy day.

Jake

WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its technically Wednesday. And we allllllllllll know what Wednesday means.

If I can make it without smoking all of today (Wednesday) then it will officially be a month of no smoking. Thats right, 30 days. No smoking. And until Monday, I hadn't so much as touched a pack, much less even touched ciggerette. I think I'm nearly ready to call myself a nonsmoker.

30 days. Sweet freakin Jesus, I didn't think I could do it. I mean, wow.

Thanks Sally Jane and Batina, for helping me along.

Jake

::doing a little dance::

Doing my part to fuck Bill Napoli

I'm doing my part to screw over Bill Napoli, the fucker from SD. If you haven't heard, look here

Bill Napoli (R-SD)

napoli (not to be confused with the proper noun, which indicates the Italian city)

Function: verb

Inflected Form(s): napolied

Pronunciation: nA'poli

1. To brutalize and rape, sodomize as bad as you can possibly make it, a young, religious virgin woman who was saving herself for marriage.

2. To hella rape somebody.

Etymology: From State Senator Bill Napoli's (R-SD) description of an acceptable rape that would merit an exemption from South Dakota's abortion ban.

Example of usage: "Did you hear? Laura's dad totally napolied her, but according to Utah law, she still has to obtain his permission before getting an abortion."

Broom Fucking

Well fuck me sideways with a dry broom handle, splinters are a plus.

Anyone want to guess what tomorrow is? I mean besides me having dinner with R.

Give up? Well tomorrow is the day to see the regular doctor. For the 10,000 mile checkup so to speak. Grrrr. This is going to be less than fun. Why? Well, the absolutely wonderful cuts on my back that Mr. Ninja and Sally Jane made at the last convention....yeah, those are totally visible on my back. Now, I love the cuts. I knew it was a risk when I asked them to do it. But, I was hoping not to have to explain it to a general practioner.

But I will, I'm prepared for it. I know how I plan on explaining myself. I'm not ashamed of my interest in SM. But right now I kinda wish I had like a big butchy lesbian for a doctor instead of Mr. White Bread Vanilla himself. Oh well, if he can't deal then we do this thing and find a guy who can handle it. I'm playing good money for him to preform service.

Still, they are beautiful cuts. :)

Jake

What a weekend. I mean wow.

I'm just not ready right now to blog in depth, so here are highlights and a short to do list.

Sally Jane and I getting into a not good thing because we hit upon some new feelings and emotions and whatnot which neither of us anticipated. A solid hour of corner time (12 minutes was the previous high) to cool down and a good 3-way talk afterwards helped lots.

One of the heaviest scenes I've done, hard, fast, stingy, and very cathartic. Halfway though the scene Sally Jane and Batina needed to take turns counterweighting the cross I was on, because I was pulling back so hard I nearly flipped it over. Oh, and yeah I was screaming at the top of my lungs every obsenity that I could think of. And crying, which I have *never* done in scene. Audience was impressed. But, yeah, that was actually really really good for emotional release and trying new things.

Me learning more and more (as I always do with Sally Jane and Batina) about being a good submissive versus the friendly neighborhood bottom.

Oh, to do list:
-E-mail host and audiance (from heavy scene) letting them know I am okay and thanking them for helping
-Check in with Sally Jane and Batina later tonight and tomorrow
-Let our friends R and J know everything is alright (they were there for Sally Jane and I hitting a bad spot)
-Set up dinner date with R to talk with her and get helpful advice
-Clean out car
-Clean room

Okay, time to rest a little, more blogging later.

Jake

Weekend

Saturday and Sunday were quite nice indeed.

I headed over to Batina's house late Saturday afternoon and had the opportunity to cook for them which was a great deal of fun. And I got to actually really cook. In a proper kitchen with proper ingredients. Sally Jane and Batina seemed to enjoy the food, and I found out how weird it feels to eat on the floor while everyone else gets to use the table. Embarassing, but in that funny squirmy way.

Afterwards, well, afterwards was desert. Delicious chocolete and carmel flavors. I can't take credit for making desert, but it was delicious.

Sunday was also fun....breakfast out with Batina and Sally Jane and then I was a stunt butt for a quick flogging lesson. Then time to head out.

Then I joined up with Andrew. We went out for dinner at our favorite resturant, and then went back to his place to watch the Oscars. Before Oscar time we watched Jim Gaffigan on DVD and I nearly wet myself laughing. Andrew and I then had fun watching most of the Oscars and then I came home and slept.

All in all, it was a good weekend. A very good weekend indeed.

Jake Bullet

Shopping today.

Here's where I've been and what I got. I am a total perv. And as ussual, I got a number of looks at my TwistedMonk shirt.

School Bookstore
-Foreceps for Sally Jane
-Chocolete

Dom Depot (aka Home Depot)
-100 feet of rope
-Latex tool dip (for rope ends)
-Electrical tape (for marking rope)

Large Chain bookstore
-Got nothing, but asked about Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook

Local Queer Bookstore
-Gay Pride Flag Sticker for my car
-Pin with fabo saying on it
-Copy of "The New Topping Book"
-Requested they order Wiseman's book and a leather pride flag sticker for me.

I love shopping. Sally Jane are going Camera shopping later today and may end up stopping at the pet store, for, um, things.

I love being a perv.

Jake Bullet

I am wearing a very cool piece of neck jewelery right now. (If you are confused, think about the kinds of stuff I do on the weekends) Why? Crazy new relationship? Major life change? Other huge thing.Nope, not today anyway.

Its Batinas, she wanted to see if it would fit me and I ended up wearing it all throughout the munch. What does it mean? Right now, nothing more than a friendship. Its not "my" collar. It wasn't made just for me. I imagine I'll be wearing it alot when we three (Batina, Sally Jane and I) play, but for now, its just a collar.

On the other hand, how fucking hot is it to just be grabbed by the collar and pulled close to someone??

One day I am going to have a totally awesome, deeply meaningful, special, all the time collar.....but todays not that day.....and I'm surprisingly okay with all that. Now I just have to remember to bring the collar with me Saturday

Jake

I haven't updated recently. And its been because I've been in a little bit of a mood lately. I don't know why, but it just happens to me sometimes. And if you've tried calling recently, I've had my phone turned off for awhile. No, I've payed the bill. It's just that, well, I haven't wanted to talk recently, and I've been avoiding the Parental Units. SO I shut off the phone. My e-mail still works just fine however

However, this evening my friend R and I are going to grab coffee and possibly food as well. Discussions will likely ensue, its possible plans to overtake a small third world country will be delevoped. I'll let y'all know.

I will be out at Thursday, promise.

Last updates comment? Well, um, Sally Jane pegged it. Its mostly due to Sally Jane and Batina.

We three played Friday night. It was pretty much all puppy play. And it was alot of fun. I got so into the role I stopped thinking in words for awhile, which was uber hellacool. And then, even though puppies don't get to play on the furniture, I got to crashed with Sally Jane and Batina in the bed(no, no funny business) and then we hung out and played the next morning. And amoung the highlites was the following: learning to give good foot rubs (I'm not really a feet guy), learning to bathe feet with my, um, tongue (seriously, I'm not a foot guy, I do it because others enjoy it), and playing fetch with one of my own, um, *insertables*. I also learned that apparently as a puppy I bite alot. But yeah, it was good times, even if I did hurt my knees a bit during the playtime. I think I want to do puppy play again.

But yeah, for now, I think I'm going to go to a bookstore and buy a few books. I'm thinking 1984 and Brave New World. Not the cheeriest in the world, but I want to reread them.

Jake Bullet

Sometimes I wonder whose dick I sucked in a previous life to be as lucky as I am.

Jake

So, awhile ago I got off a 3-way call between Batina, Sally Jane, and me (Jake Bullet). And it was a delightful conversation in a number of ways. There was playfulness, some teasing, new concepts explored, etc. Wonderful, right? Yes, but the fact remains that I'm a little scared now. And its a good kind of fear, not the "something truly bad is likely to happen" kind, but still, I'm feeling a touch out of it. Why? Well....

This Thursday, after briefly appearing at the munch, Sally Jane, Batina and I were going to take an acquaintance back to Batina's loft so that she could experiment with being a Top. I was going to be the bottom for the evening and it sounded like alot of fun. I always enjoy letting people see things for the first time on me or being a demo subject. Its just plain ole fun to help others expand there perversions. But, due to scheduling concerns, and other such things, that event will have to be delayed for the time being. However, later in the conversation, we turned to an interesting, if not scary, idea.

I've mentioned to Sally Jane and Batina something that I normally don't share with alot of other perverts. I really want to be a number of things in my life, and what I really want to be (in the SM world) is someone's "house pet" for lack of a better term. I want to be someone’s and to be "owned" for lack of a better word. And we three were discussing this "house pet" notion and Batina (I believe) asked when my spring vacation was. And for various and sundry, that date wasn't going to work. So a weekend was suggested. And tentatively agreed by all to be an intriguing idea. But for what you're asking.

For me to be the "house pet" of Batina and Sally Jane for a weekend at Batina's loft.

Hot? Yes. Exciting? Yes. Deeply frightening on a variety of levels? Yeah, um alot actually.

And there alot of unanswered questions to be worked out. But I think we all have a relatively good hand on what generally will be happening. Starting at the munch Thursday and running through sometime on Sunday, I would be kept by Sally Jane and Batina. I'd perform service and likely do some SM scenes. I'd be expected to conform to certain rules and to perform certain duties. And basically be somewhere between there boy and there pet. Cool, huh?

See, if I were at all normal, I would have spent the night dreaming about what a fun weekend this will likely be. And I have been doing that to an extent. But more than that, I've been worrying about "doing the weekend" in a way that impresses and pleases Batina and Sally Jane. I've never done a scene that lasted more than about 3-4 hours. And that scene was with Sally Jane and Batina. I've never been in a 'real world, right now, this is serious' situation where I was expected to submit to any substantial degree for more than an evening or so. And so, the possibility of something starting early evening on Thursday and going to afternoon/evening/night Sunday is scary. We're talking easily 72 hours. I want to do it right, I want to be useful and impressive and helpful and alot of other things. I know that between the 3 of us there will alot of chit chatting about what this weekend would look like and when/if it will happen. And more negotiations and exploring one another and etc, which is all well and good. I just wish I could easily convince myself that I'll do fine. But, I suppose later today and Thursday, I'll get more of a chance to discuss this with Batina and Sally Jane. I'm scared, but really jazzed about this latest prospect.

Alright well, its time to go work briefly on a little assignment, and then get a little sleep. I have a secret project to work on tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I need a brownie recipe....I get to bake on Friday.

Jake Bullet

Techno

I've been listening to techno for 2 straight hours. And not good techno, no no no. I'm listening to the stuff that the dirtiest Euro-trash listen to at 2 in the morning after there 5th Guinness of the night. Dirty trashy techno. And I kind of like it. Why? Eh, who knows. My music moods are pretty bizarre to be frank. Irish one day, pop the next, then rap, then Indian pop, then crazy cello music, then god only knows what. Ugh.

Alright, back to slightly more productive things.

Jake

Edited at 1:48am: I really want to smoke right now. It'll have been a week without in about 4 hours. And no, I'm not going to have one. But right now, I have no gum to chew (regular gum), I can't smoke, I really want to go outside, shiver and inhale tar. I'm not going to. I literally haven't so much as touched a ciggerette in nearly a week, but still. I want one. Grrrrrr. Stupid ciggerettes and stupid incentives for not smoking. Grrrrrr

Another fabulous munch, preceded by dinner and the area discussion group. There was a nice caning demo (and no I was not the "stunt butt" for it, thank ) And then I went out to grab a quick bite with Sally Jane and Batina and some others from the discussion group. Then onto the munch. Sally Jane, Batina, and I ended up being the last people in the bar, which was nice because we all got to spend some time together. And I got to play "waitress" for everyone for a little while, fetching drinks, trying to be helpful and trying to be cute.

And I was a bit of a smartmouth (which, as usual ended with me getting hurty things put on my tongue), but mostly sort of behaved.

One thing I noticed. I can do certain things and people generally respond positively, playing off the semi cute submissive boy attitude that I'm generally rockin. And I had my arms crossed on a high table, looking up at the other people like Sally Jane and Batina, and I was sort of hiding behind my arms, blushing and squirming and all that good jazz. And I think I was generally being very cute. And for various reasons, I had to get up and someone else grabbed my seat and tried to pull off the look I was giving. And, in my opinion, it didn't work for him. And I don't know first of all if it was just my opinion or if it really wasn't working for him. And maybe it was because I was doing what I was doing because of who was around the table (namely Batina and Sally Jane). And maybe its because I'm not the worlds biggest fan of the gentleman trying to steal "my move". I dunno, it kind of confused me.

Anywho, yeah, so next Thursday, I believe the plan is for Sally Jane, Batina, another submissive who wants to learn to top and me (you know, semi cute submissive boy) to head back to Batinas loft and for the 3 of them to, well, hurt me....alot probably. I'm deeply frightened, and kinda excited.

Okay, sleeping time.

Jake

Thursday-ness

Short entry, ideas will be expanded upon later.

After the munch, Batina, Sally Jane and I all headed back to the Loft, after I was instructed to grab my toybag. Much, much fun was had by all, a few pictures exist of the evenings debauchery, and I got to try a couple of new things which is always fun. I'm happily sore in a variety of new places and very tired. So, me thinks its time for sleep and then I'll fill y'all in on some of the details.

Night

Jake Bullet
http://jakebullet.blogspot.com

PS. Still haven't smoked since around 5:30am Monday morning. That's pretty good.

Stupid nicotine

Oh yeah, I forgot.

I quit smoking early Monday morning. I'm firmly committed to succeeding this time.

Ciggerettes are bad for you and they make your hair stink.......or so I'm told.

Bah.

Jake Bullet

VD Day

Rockin' the sixth tier. I'm with Nerdygirl on this one. Stupid VD day. Grrrrr.

In other news....ah, bah! There is no other fabulous news of any sort.

Jake

Saturday

It was supposed to be a short shopping trip with Sally Jane. We were going to get her supplies (minus actual cut-ty things) for making her very own bloodsports kit. We got together around noon. Shopping finally ended at about 8 or 9 at night. After joining Sally Jane's friend Batina at the Dom Depot for a few hours, midway through the day, we went over to Batina's loft. Oh, good times were had by all since I was able to make a fast stop at home a grab my toy bag.

I had several new experiences over at the loft. First, playing without an audience. I know, its crazy!! Just the two of them, working me over, and me, wimpering, squirming and yelping in joy/pain. Second, the wonders of pesto pizza. I love pesto. Third, CBT. I have always been frightened of this sort of play, but still wanted to try it. (My personal kink motto: I'll try almost anything, twice). And it hurt for sure, but I'd totally try it again. One advantage to CBT I never really thought of until I had clothespins on my balls is this, CBT requires cute ladies (and/or gentlemen) to be handling your biscuits while hurting you. Kinda fun. Forth, wax play. I think I enjoy just being soaked in alcohol and lit of fire better, but it was still fun. For the record, squirming about doesn't seem to help because it runs all over your back.

Oh, and not like I didn't know this before, but girls like to hurt boys. And anyone who says "You hit like a girl" obviously has never been spanked with a hairbrush by a girl. Enough said.

But yeah, we're definitely going to have to have a repeat of the night.

And now, me thinks its time to get a little sleep.

Jake Bullet

One more day

One more day and I'll be ready to start writing about Sinsations in Leather. Its just that I'm still physically and mentally coming down off the weekend. And trying to go to class, unpack, get my room and life back in order, see family, etc. isn't easy. Especially when one has done enough scenes to just ache everywhere.....its a good ache, but I still hurt.

And I've made a decision about my post scene reports from now on. I've played enough, with enough different people, and doing enough different kinds of play, that I see no reason to do a blow by blow account every time I get my ass beat. For something new, maybe it'll be more in depth. But I'm done writing a miniature novel (i.e. 6 solid pages about my first scene) everytime I play. Don't worry wonderful readers, you'll still get to hear all about it, just not quite as indepth.

And before I do any more writing about scenes, I want to send out thank you notes. The one time I didn't send that thank you(because I was scared and didn't know what to say), I felt kinda shitty and was never quite happy about it until I recently resolved that. So, my pervy friends, tell the people how much you enjoyed bottoming to them or topping them. It makes everybody happy and is just good practice because its nice to say thank you. No more about the weekend till those e-mails and phone calls are done.

Alright well, its getting late and I have stuff to take care of in the morning. So till then...

Jake Bullet

the weekend

Like most other people from this weekend in Chicago I'll be posting more later, but heres a preview.

Cutting scene with Ninja (so cute), Mrs Ninja (the acupuncture needles were great), and Sally Jane (first time cutting for her)

Hot, heavy flogging scene with a hot gay man.

Fire and electro scene with the hairy electirc godfather.

And, demoing for Master Z's (Dallas) rough body play class. Uber fun.

And very nearly demo'ed (is that a word?) the gulliver scene for a piercing class, but time ran short.

And got to see lots of old and new friends, see cool classes etc.

Plus, because the Steelers won (boo Steelers) the Super Bowl, I will be doing a very humiliating public puppy play scene at the club in Chicago. I both love and hate this idea because I think puppy play is hot, but very embarrassing. Oh well, teach me to make bets.

Now, time to go have some more coffee with the guys who run the coffee place in the building with the security job. I'm letting them stay late in exchange for free coffee, very fair trade.

Oh and by the way, I am so played out for atleast a week. I could barely walk this morning and after the punching, oh man. I just feel like I've been through a meat grinder.

Jake

Door Shibari

One last post. And only because something funny happened at work.

Somehow one of our exterior doors broke and will no longer close far enough for the lock to latch. No problem, grab a little chain and a lock and lock it to the door next to it. Happens every few months. No biggie.

Problem the first, the chains we have access to are too short by several inches. Problem the second, no locks. However, a little searching revealed 2 lengths of 12 foot nylon rope. Not as pretty as hemp, but it'll work in a pinch. Mix me, the doors, the rope, a few larks heads and half hitchs and presto! The doors are relatively secure.

The secret? Cinching with gusto!

Okay, time to chillax (yes, its a real word....its chill and relax mixed together)

Jake Bullet

T minus...

Well, the bags are packed. The toybag is filled with appropriate toys. I've packed way way too many clothes. My car is gassed and ready to fly. So all thats left is to do is get a little sleep tonight and then take off to the convention. I'm quite jazzed indeed.

In other news, that second job I took a little while ago (you know, the one where the D-bags I used to work for dug themselves so deep they needed me) well, thats going well. And I'm making sweet cash there so all is good. Andrew and I are doing good things and having fun.

Last but not least, I will be away from work and from e-mail and everything this weekend. Except my cell phone, but that will only be on to get updates on the Super Bowl. Go Seahawks! And there will be no blogging until Sunday at the earliest.

Oh, and Death Cab For Cutie is my favorite new group of the week. Dawson introduced it to me and now I am getting more and more into it.

Farewell(for a little while)

Jake Bullet

So, even though when I play I almost always bottom, I do identify as a switch. And one day I hope to have the skills and the community presence to be having cute boys and girls coming to me to ask for play. And there is one skill set in particular that I want to learn.
I want to learn rope. I love rope. I have a serious thing for rope, for rope bondage, for Shibari, for anything you can do with rope. Monk's hemp rope is absolutely beautiful and just the smell of it gets me in a spacy mindset. I want to learn to be a rocking rope top. I want to be skilled enough to put people up in the air with rope. And I have a plan for how to do it. I think I'm going to spend a good portion of Sinsations going to the rope classes, meeting the rockin rope tops and learning everything that I possibly can. Then it'll be time to borrow the Fairy's body for a few days and spend the time learning to tie her up. Practicing the one and two column ties, chest harnesses, hip harnesses and all that good jazz.

What I would really love to do one of these days is be able to attend one of Max's bondage classes, several of them in fact. I occasionally dream about the first time that I go up in the air with rope, and about the day that I first throw someone else up in the air. Maybe one of these days that will happen.

And for now I think I'm going to go listen to a little Death Cab for Cutie and read Midori's bondage book.

Anyone want to let a novice wannabe rope Top practice on them?

Jake Bullet

Sinsations is coming up

So, I'm jazzed. More than jazzed actually, I'm hella jazzed. I know, its crazy. Why? Sinsations in Leather is coming up very very shortly. Very shortly indeed considering that I'll be in Chitown starting at 9 am on Thursday. Most of Thursday and half of Friday will be spent setting up the event and getting everything ready to go and all that jazz. Then I'll be hanging out in classes, meeting people, seeing friends and hopefully doing a few super duper scenes. But the question is, why (outside of play opportunities) do I spend as much time and money as I do on these conventions?

Well, there are really 2 main reasons. First and foremost, I want to learn as much as I can about kink. Technique, philosophy, relationship advice, theory, all of it. I want to know as much as I can about BDSM and sex positive culture. And these conventions are where its all at.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly for those keeping score at home: kinky friends. I'll admit, I'm looking for a primary partner. And I think (and other very smart people have said) that one of the best ways to meet that "magical someone" (what a blech term) is to have kinky friends. And I have alot of kinky friends. Here in my local community and in Chicago, I have alot of perverts that I'm proud to call my friends. And who knows, maybe one day, one of these friendships will end up with me meeting that special someone. But for now, I love having perverted friends.

And there's the play opportunities. Which are always fun.

Alright well, time to get sleep. I'll have some interesting stuff tomorrow.

Jake Bullet

Parental Units

So, my parents (the Mom and the Dad), plus chip and dip (the sisters) as well as my grandpa just left my house. Its the first time any of them besides the Dad have seen it. And they seemed to like it. We spent most of the night engaging in idle chatter, having dinner at the little Italian place down the street and then finished up with coffee at a shop nearby. My grandfather of course, managed to spend much of the night complaining about things in a way which on the surface seems much nicer and less so that it is. But that's fine, he wanted to come, everyone else had a wonderful time and so too bad.

One of the interesting moments was a discussion of the 15 or so people on both sides of the isle who might make a run at the big chair in 2008. But more interesting was when my mother said "Jake, you're on the internet a lot. What's this blogging thing I keep hearing about?" Well, I explained it as best I could pushing the more social commentary/personal diary angle than anything else (like, oh, I don't know, BDSM perverts writing about there sex lives). And after a few minutes my Mom and Dad look at each other and nearly simultaneously ask "why in the world would anyone do that/read that? And who writes that stuff?". At which point I said "Well, I know that Dawson and I both keep them." And tried to push the social commentary, thoughts on local events, etc. angle some more. They never asked me why or what I write and I'm quite sure that they have no idea that this blog exists, but still it was an interesting little diversion.

Anywho, I'm going to go read a little and then head to bed.

Jake Bullet

The Mom and The Dad

Well, the parents, along with the Grandparent and chip and dip (the sisters) are all coming over in a few hours to see the house and see me. Then its out to dinner and what not. Afterwards I may be heading to gay bars with the Fairy, maybe not. I'm not sure. Anyway, it should be an interesting evening regardless. Worse come to worse, I'll end up curled up reading one of my new books after the Parental Units leave.

Jake Bullet

Randomness number 253

Again, another link. This time, Geriatric Riot Grrl. Hurray for new links. Oh, and one of the things I like best about her blog....she says "fuck off" at the end of every post. I like that.

I talked to Jonathan the other day which was nice, I'm going to make it a point to see him soon because there is some stuff I want to chat with him about and we don't see each other often enough. Plus he left something here last time he visited and I need to give that back to him.

In other news, I will be down in Chicago from early Thursday morning to late late Sunday night. I imagine that I'll have some cool stories for all of you, but I will be completely unavailable then. No cell phone, no e-mail, no blog posts. And I fully intend on enjoying myself. Where am I going to be? Sinsations in Leather, of course. I'll be helping set up and take down the event and during the actual convention itself, I'll be meeting people, hanging out with friends and other such jazz.

I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately, but now isn't the time for that. And here isn't the place. Anyways...

Jake Bullet

Borrowed from the TwistedMonk

Twisted Monk wrote a few days ago:

"One of the elements of my chosen lifestyle is to unapologetically open about it. This is who I am, deal with it or move aside. Not everyone likes this, specifically members of my biological family. I’ve always been a bit “different” but they all seemed to manage better when they did not have to read about it here. Let me tell you, knowing that your parents are reading about you sex life tends to put a damper on just what you choose to write.

This is not a plea for pity, rather an apology to all of you. See, I have been pulling my punches as of late. Opting to write about the mundane rather than what I would like to out of worry that my words would be taken out of context. No more. When pressed to choose between what I hold as truth and the desires of those who would rather I slink back into a darkened, shame filled closet. I choose my morals.

And with that, dear readers, let us return to talking about topics like sex, blood, food and the joys of living the life less ordinary.

Additionally, let this serve as food for thought. No one is truly invisible on-line. No journal is truly anonymous. One day you will be held accountable for your words. The question is how will you respond? With burning shame or defiant pride?"

I like to imagine that the day I am held accountable for what I write here, for what I do in my free time, for my kinks and perversions, and for so many other things that I will respond with defiant pride.

How about you?

Jake Bullet

Lusting

More awesome links!! Janesguide, b.com and janes blog.....woo hoo! Yeah for links.

Randomness: Mondays and Wednesdays are going to blow ass for me. 4 classes each day with no more than 45 minutes in between class 2 and 3. Plus class 2 and 3 might suck. But 1 and 4 look pretty awesome, so, eh, I'll manage.

Okay, yesterday I promised y'all something about my latest lust. So here goes.

I desperately want a Mini Cooper. I mean, its gotten to the truly fetish point...which is weird because I am sooooooo not a "car guy". And its ridiculously impractical. But I want one. A red one with the cool white stripes on the hood and maybe a British flag on top and cool seats and cool rims too. Every time I even see a mini on the road, I stop and stare and drool and imagine being able to drive it. And I've never done this over a car in my whole life. I mean, really, me, lusting over a car?? That's crazy talk.

One should not dream of walking out of a fetish club with fresh marks all over there body and thinking about the play date they have with some cutie bottom (We switches have to work both angles into any good fantasy......okay, I made that up), tossing their toybag in the truck and zooming off in a stick-shift Mini Cooper. That's not normal.

And for Christ's sake, I can't even drive stick!!

Help me. I don't want to end up rubbing one out over Mini pics.

Jake Bullet

New Awesome Links

Hey All,

We have new awesome links. Brett and Hiromi, Nedry Girl, NY Escorts and Tambos Photos! Hurray for new links.

After my class today (eep, I have history in 45 minutes!), I'll be working more on the room, playing around with this blog (read: more links and maybe a different format) and the LJ one and doing a post on my latest lust (Hint: Its metal....and other stuff too).

Time to grab my a Rockstar and my backpack.

Jake

New Room

Well, no I haven't moved, but looking at the old room versus the new one, you might think that I had.

To say that my old room was a bit of a bachelor pad is really giving me alot of credit. It was a disaster. A complete and total one. Enter the Fairy. Because its nice to be able to hang out at my place in addition to her place, I decided to toally clean, organize, debulk, deep clean and otherwise make my room habitable for human inhabitation. I spent the bulk of this past weekend, with a super ton of help from Fairy, cleaning and organizing the room. And you can see my pretty new hardwood floors now!! And I'm learning how to clean and keep things neat so that one day, I can be a better housepet! Woo hoo!

But yeah, cool new bed frame (it looks kind of like a kids bed because it has drawers underneath) a new 5 shelf bookshelf which I indeed to fill as fast as I can, every piece of furniture in a different place. Its all very good. Hopefully, I should have the last of the new items I need (small lamp, calander, etc.) plus the desk and couch moved by tomorrow. I'm very jazzed by this idea.

And I made it to the gym and all my hella awesome classes today. I'm firmly committed to going to the gym and to class this year. Firmly committed!

Now if only I could manage to learn to dance, I'd be hella awesome.

Jake Bullet

SNOW!!!

Its snowing!!! Really hard!! I love snow....I mean, I really really love it when theres snow all over the ground. And the ground has been bare and ungly green for awhile now. But its snowed so hard in the last few hours that the ground is all covered. The grass is covered, the leaves are covered, the roads are covered. I love snow. Okay, time to hit the gym, I missed going with the Fairy today because I'm an idiot. So now I have to go by myself.

Jake Bullet

2 weeks eh?

Well, its been 2 weeks since I posted. And thats a long time. And so, I am very sorry indeed to all the blog readers out there. Between family stuff, random life jazz, out of town travel, and falling out of the habit of blogging, its been not good. But rest assured dear readers, I'll be back to regular blog updates starting tonight. Again, mea culpa...but you're getting my thoughts for free so I don't feel too bad.

Well, whats been going on the past 2 weeks? Lots and lots!

#Went to see The Piercer with Fairy and got cut and poked (with needles and scalpels) and then watched him and the Fairy have a little fun. Good times.

#Had a nice holiday season and birthday with the family. Got to see different relatives and catch up with them and all that good jazz.

#Went to GD with Sally Jane which was just good clean fun all around. Alot of good time talking and getting to know each other better.

#Got to hang out with Dawson alot which was good. And got to meet one of his friends for awhile when he was in town.

#Went B.O.B. shopping with the Fairy which was a hoot, plus the store we went to let you try them out. Not on your bits, but you could hold them, turn them on, etc.

#Had a lovely Birthday celebration with the family which included going to my absolute favorite Indian resturant and eating curry and drinking Indian beer all night.

#Got "adopted" by one of my favorite fellow pervs (she says I'm like her little brother, which was just about the nicest thing I'd ever heard). I'm going to call her Sis just to be silly

#Got some sweet B-day/Xmaas gifts including my new favorite toy ever! 30GB iPod with video!!!!! I love this toy.

#Drank more than 23 drinks for my 23rd birthday (the fairy decided each glass was one drink.....fine for beer, less so for extra strength jack and cokes). I will never, ever drink like that again

#Took that second contract job. They are paying me about 40% of my former yearly salary for 200 hours of work, if I win. Less if I lose, but its all good.

#And Monday, school starts up, which should be pretty awesome.

And whats coming in the next few weeks? Even more good stuff!
#
Going to Sinsations in Leather where I may be a demo bunny for the Piercer in one of his classes.

#Play date with Ninja at Sinsations......mmmm, blood, needles, scalpels.....um, I need to either stop thinking about that or go rub one out. :-)

#Generally hanging with the pervs the next few Thursdays and Saturdays

#Maybe going out of town to see Jonathan, I have a nutty idea which I need to run by him.

Well, time to go play with my new toy a little bit more.

Jake Bullet

Gym

I want a +1 fez of world domination. Why? Read this.

Well, yesterday was day one at the gym, and I've made several observations. Plus its not actually as bad as I thought it would be or that it could have been.

Number 1, being in a boys locker room at a nice gym is a little difficult because you had to constantly remember that any looking or staring, or offering to "help" in the shower is not appreciated. However, just taking the occasional glance makes the trip a little more fun.

Number 2, exercise isn't as bad as it could be. But thats not the worst bit. The pain/burn/hurtiness of exercising is similar enough to an S&M scene that I can concentrate on the endorphins and its not so bad. And I have a better idea of whats a good hurt versus and bad hurt, so I know that nothing I'm doing is anywhere near injury producing. I secretly hate this fact.

Number 3, having a workout buddy makes the job about 9000 times easier. Theres the motivation, the watching them suffer through the same exercises, being able to banter back and forth, and the fact that you have no good reason for shirking out then.

I think I'm going to head down to GD for my birthday this year. Well, not right on the date, but the weekend after. Jack Rinella is presenting a topic and then its playtime. Good times all around.

Well, time to find something that looks like a healthy breakfast before heading to the gym around noon.

Jake Bullet

If you see signs of the Apocalypse in the next few days, you can blame me. You see, the unthinkable has happened. I'm supposed to be the plump jolly guy. Okay fine, at times I can be a bitter mean ass, but still, work with me. I'm supposed to make fun of gym bunnies and what not. I'm supposed to Well, see then this one thing happened.

I was convinced to join a gym.

I just signed up for a gym membership at a very nice place, and I even have a workout buddy, but still, a plague of locusts may descend on us at anytime.

Hopefully, I'll be able to lose some inches and gain some better upper body strength. Hopefully, I'll make it through day one without a heart attack.

Time to go find workout clothes and other jazz.

Jake Bullet