Its entirely possible that Batina hit it on the head with a conversation we had about 30 minutes ago. As some of you may have guessed from the last post, I'm just really feeling the BDSM vibe in myself as of late. Which I find both disconcerting and highly annoying.

I've tried the last few days to respark the interest, hoping that I was having a momentary hiccup in the libido department. And I was sure this would work. Find a little awesome porn, find a new fantasy or fetish to mentally play around with, or just sleep it off like bad tequila. And its not really been working. I mean the goodies are working just fine, but one shouldn't have to try much harder than normal to get off when looking at and reading some of your favorite porn. One shouldn't have 4 windows open, each with a different favorite fetish, and still be working to get a firm erection rather than a half assed one. I've tried approaching my favorite fantasies from the top and bottom side. And nothing.

This is actually pissing me off alot. I mean, its one thing to have a few bad scenes, a few days of feeling off your game. Thats completely acceptable. But, this is just pissing me off.

And Batina, being the wonderful person that she is, did a little research on what I was feeling. And she thinks that I might be burned out on BDSM. And the worst part is, she very well may be right.
And really what she told me, and my quick research (which will likely be confirmed by more indepth research) tell me I have 2 basic options.

One is I can tone down the BDSM or temporarily eliminate it. Just give myself a rest for awhile. Just not play, or attend munchs or maybe even skip conventions till the spark comes back. Wait a few weeks or months till the spark comes back on its own.

Option 2 is that I spend some time trying to remember why I like BDSM. Go back over old checklists, remember and focus on good scenes, try to rekindle my interest in the scene and push away or eliminate the parks causing me stress.

And I am sorely tempted to try my own option 3. Which would be to say that the idea that I'm tired of BDSM is crap. To throw myself even more headfirst into the scene. To hide any feelings behind a carefully constructed mask. To basically leap headfirst back in and hope for the best. And I may end up with that option or with one of the other two.

I'm not happy that I'm burned out. I don't even want to admit that I am. In fact, I'm not admitting it. I'm willing to grant that the possibility exists that I'm a little tired. But thats all.

Anyway, I have a long to do list in front of me, 3 open Word documents with some important stuff in each one of them, plans for tonight and some reading to do. So I'm going to go get started on my lists of stuff and think a little.

Jake