Saturday, August 27, 2005

Update Number 4375

::taking a cue from Siren and blowing all the dust off my blog::

Oh you wonderfully readers, well I'm glad you're still reading, that's always good to have. Here's how my like is going.

I have been officially reprimanded for the security job thingy. Basically, there is a letter in my jacket permanently and I got scolded. Which hella sucked.

Life has been kicking my ass lately. The things currently on my to do list are:
-finish setting up class schedule
-pay tuition
-Move to the new apartment by Wednesday night. (its slightly bigger, has a balcony, come with AC and a comfy chair so its cool I guess)
-Write 2 speeches for Paul
-Write up 3 letters for Paul
-Write up a plan for the secret crazy project
-Set up meetings with about 7 different people
-Write an article for the school newspaper by Thursday
-Go home and see the folks and deal with some stuff with them
-Staff a security event
-Staff Paul for the next few days because of all the events he has to be at
-And several other minor projects.

I want to be able to delegate some of this stuff away, or do it later, or just not do it at all. But I can't. I promised people I'd do these things and I promised myself I would do my best to do them. So I am basically not going to sleep tonight and spend the night writing speech's, letters and plans. And tomorrow I have to start moving. Hopefully in about a week, things will calm down a little more.

The meeting the other day, well I'm not sure how it went. I went in and laid down the law and kept trying to push this woman slightly off balance so I could get a real reaction. What I got what was lots of nodding and "well, I understand that's how you feel but...". Apparently that's how she trys to disarm people and also she uses subtle tactics like avoiding scheduling meetings and taking you onto mindless tangents to avoid actually listening to you and fixing things. Its not how I feel either. I have documented proof from multiple sources. I can absolutely guarantee you that I'm right. She is a very annoying person to deal with. But I still have confidence that I can win. And I like winning more than almost anything. So I'll be keeping y'all up to speed on that.

Other than that, I've just been hanging around. Spent much of the day watching CNN and worrying. Because I am a chronic worrier. I worry about people I care about. I worry about myself, if I'm doing a good enough job. I worry if I make people happy. I worry about most everything. I'm not sure if its a good or bad quality. Anyway.

Anyway, I'm at work right now and just got called into Pauls office. So I guess I've got to go. I'll try to get back to more regular posting.

Jake Bullet

PS. I've got two "parties" to go to in the next few weeks and to be honest, I'm really looking forward to gettting my ass beat.

Monday, August 22, 2005

pissed off

I am so pissed at myself right now.

I'm not going into the details right now of what happened. In a few days, when i know for sure what actually happened, I'll share what details I feel comfortable with. And for a few of you (you can guess who you are) I'll be sharing the whole thing. The very very short version of the story is there was an incident at the security job on Friday. I've been placed on unpaid administrative leave for the next 2 days while they finish the investigation. And when I say they, I mean Andrew, his assistant, and Andrews boss. Plus the police. Yeah.

And even though it wasn't my fault, I feel like it is my fault and responsibility. And I should have fixed it. And so now atleast 4 people will be wasting the next 3 days figuring out what happened because *I* fucked up. And it pisses me off that I fucked up and now I look like an ass and Andrew looks like a bad boss and I feel like shit. And I'm really pissed at myself.

In other news, today I once again proved that I don't play softball when it comes to the other job. I needed to set up a meeting with an incompetent windbag to explain exactly why what they're doing is unacceptable to us and why/how they are going to change. I called trying to set up a 45 minute meeting for Wednesday afternoon. I was told she is all booked up and only has 15 minute openings till late next week. She is famous for avoiding meetings with people like me. So I hung up, drove over there, marched into her office and managed to get 45 minutes on Wednesday morning. And I didn't have to tell her what the meeting was about; she gets to hear that surprise on Wednesday.

This woman is about to abruptly learn that I don't play around and that her shit isn't going to fly anymore. Going into that room as pissed as I was probably not the worlds brightest idea, but I got what I wanted. And mark my words, when I win, when I beat her, when she realizes I'm right and she's wrong and she does what I say.....I am going to dance. I am going to win and then get drunk and dance. Becuase thats how I roll.

I may be submissive, I may be a whore, I may be meek when I'm engaging in BDSM, I may like being someone's little pet and I may enjoy being dominted. But, at my job, I'm king and I lay down the law. And I'm always right. And I always win. And I don't play softball. I start with the 90 mile per hour pitches and I don't start by being very nice either. I get what I want because I am better than the people who don't do what I want. And I ALWAYS win. Thats why I get paid the big bucks.

Now, I'm going to get drunk and go to sleep. Good bye.

Jake Bullet

Sunday, August 21, 2005

This building is trying to kill me

Well, we're skipping the promised topic and moving right into something else. 3 quick updates, then I'll tell you why you never want a security job.

First, going to a perverted picnic later today. Good times likely will be had by all. The Poet will be there as well as possibly Andrew and many munch regulars. Hoepfully I'll be able to chat with people about a few things that have lately been on my mind.

Second, I got to talk to Siren again today. I'm very jazzed about that since i enjoy talking to her so much. Our respective free times haven't seemed to match up as much lately, so I was really jazzed when we got to talk for awhile. It's weird, but my day suddenly got brighter when we started talking. Okay, maybe thats not weird, maybe its normal. But to me its new, and secretly I kind of like it.

Third. Thanks to Agony Aunty and the Pink Bottomed Girls for there links to me. I'm always jazzed when people decide they like what I write enough to link to it. So thanks so much, I really like both of these sites and encourage y'all to read them both. Also, if anyone else has linked to me and I haven't noticed it, let me know and I'll be sure to thank you.

Okay. Never get a security job. Ever. For any reason. Today my partner decided to call into work sick about 3 minutes before the shift started. And no one I called wanted to come in. Not that I blame them., it was a saturday night afterall. Anyway, I was already planning on bringing Paul over to hang out, talk and generally cause mischief. Well, he only stayed for about an hour and after that was when the day started to suck.

First, everything takes twice as long because I don't have a partner to do half of it. But thats not the bad part.

The bad part would have been the fact that all the lights in the scary part of the building are broken. Yes, all the lights, its a problem with the panel. And so i had the joy of walking many many times thru there armed with nothing more than a small flashlight and a wiffle bat That sucked but it wasn't the bad part.

The bad part was when I started hearing noises coming out of one of the very few rooms I don't have keys for. Noise that sounded like a machine was going to explode or break or catch fire. Very loud and terrible noises. I spent over an hour trying to break into that room and figure out what it was, with no luck. The cameras showed it was totally clear and I must have tried every key we had on the locks. So that was an hour of my night, plus another hour checking every nearby room and checking the outside of the building to try to find the noise. I never found it and it sort of spontaniously stopped after awhile.

Plus there was the usual dose of random scary noises and creepy feelings up the back of my neck. Except this time, there is no one to call to have them come chekc it out with me.

Plus, the idiots in charge of closing the building did a piss poor job and over a dozen doors were unlocked. Why don't we just hang a sign out that says "Hey murders and sickos, Jake Bullet's in here alone and he's fair game tonight"? That would be easier.

I often hate this building. Right now is one of those times. If it weren't for my wiffle bat and a mastery of wiffle bat kung fu, I'd be really freaked out.

Oh well, I make halfway decent money doing this and I can sue the money to obtain things I want. Like cool clothes. Or trips to places. Or sex toys.

Only another hour until I get the *bleep* out of here. Then veg out, then get poet, scope out our super secret plan, and head to the preverted picnic.

Good times.

Jake Bullet


Saturday, August 20, 2005

Cute clothes that boys should have

Well, the esteemed ropemaker himself, Monk, made a post a few days ago on the 5 items that ever boy should have in his wardrobe. And I really liked the list, I agreed with it all. And so, mostly because I'm weird, I've decided to add my own little perspective to it. Monk's list also has made me think that I need, desperately need, to go clothes shopping for some of these items.

Now, I'm in a bit of a different boat than Monk. I'm primarily a submissive who only has the occasional urge to top. I'm also bisexual. And I'm still in school. So my things are going to be slightly different than his, but I really like his list. So here are the several things which I believe every kinky, bi, political, student should own and wear. Enjoy in good health. Note: there is no order to this list.

1) Well worn, not shabby Levi Jeans. I totally agree, several pairs are definitely necessary because while they can be part of the "kinksters uniform", they also work in so many other areas. Hitting a coffee shop after class with someone cute. Having a casual meeting with someone who you know too well to try to impress anymore. Hitting the bars with friends. I intend to purchase several pairs of jeans later this week to supplement my collection. I think I may try to tempt the Poet along on a trip with promises of candy.

2) "Old school"/limited market University branded shirt. Every student needs one of these. Something you can pick up at your bookstore or that one of the guys down the street is selling. No, not that damn shirt that they give away at orientation. But rather one that's says "I've been here longer than you and I'm a bigger fan than you". Preferably you should have several of these and they should correspond to different sports. You are simply not allowed to attend a school sport event if wearing a shirt from a different school, many of us will throw rocks at you.

3) Conservative black suit. God do I need one of these desperately. I have squeaked through too many events in the past 6 months without a basic, conservative black suit. I plan on obtaining one of these very soon as well. However, I refuse to wear white button down shirts. Its a thing I have, I'm simply not going to do it. I have several bright colored dress shirts to add to a suit and I plan to take full advantage of those to make a bold statement.

4) Beads and lucky socks. Look, I'm a student and I enjoy many sports. Hence I have school color beads as well as lucky school socks. I personally know that my socks and beads have won atleast 2 soccer games and a men's basketball game. Swimmers seem immune to lucky socks, possibly because they do not wear socks.

5) Utilikilt. I'm planning on ordering this in the next 2 days or so. Seriously, boys in kilts are too hot. They are perfect for weddings, heading to class or kinky events. I must get myself one.

6) Tall black leather boots. Like these. To go with a kilt or just about any time you want to look tough and cool. Have I ever mentioned I have a thing for tall leather boots?

7) Short black boots. Very closely related to number 6. I'm getting too old to be wearing a pair of worn Adidas sneakers. Plus boots go with almost anything, so you need a pair of shoer black boots like these. And boots make you taller. A plus even when you're 6 foot like me.

8) Black Dress Shirts. Another one of Monk's. And the more and more I think about it, he's completely right. Seriously, think about it. Black dress shirts really are the male equivalent of the little black dress. And they can work for about 1000 different events, occasions or outfits. I only have the one right now, but I'm going to work on increasing my selection of black dress shirts. Word of advice fellas, you can kill a very pretty black shirt by not liberally using a link brush. I also think that one should never, for any reason wear white dress shirts, aleast go with a rich blue or crimson or something.

9) Kinky T-shirts. Obtain these at conventions, websites and trendy little stores. These should send the message, "my sex life would make you run away in fear". Its important to keep a supply of these. The tamer ones of these should occasionally be sprinkled into the vanilla world clothing items. Choose the one that will make your vanilla friends stop, pause and think for a moment. That way you get to grin secretly while they try to convince themselves that you don't like whips and chains.

10) A fabulous shirt. Shirts (and other items that go with it) which say "hey I'm queer too, wanna talk". Currently my favorite is a pink T-Shirt with a rainbow colored unicorn on it. It doesn't get much much more fabulous than that. I'm looking for a slightly toned down alternative to this pink shirt. But every boy, even the straight ones, need a fabulous shirt.

11) A bitchin hat. Can be a leather cowboy hat, can be a really well broken in baseball cap, can be a skull cap with a cool logo on it. But you need a cool hat. Its an absolute must. It can save you from bad hair days, save you on days your alarm clock breaks and can add that certain something to many different looks or outfits. Get a cool hat.

There are several other outfits or accessories which are needed for certain parts of my life. The "I've just written my final paper in 9 hours please don't fail me" outfit. The "Lets get drunk and party" outfit. The "I'm a basketball nut" outfit. And so many others. But the above nine items are key. And I'm going to work to ensure that soon enough I have all of these items. I already have some, but I need to finish the list. I think I'll start by ordering a kilt this week, then head out shopping for Levi's and Black dress shirts next. And then come the boots. I'm salivating just thinking about all the possible shopping trips.

Tomorrow I'll let y'all know what jams are spinning through my head lately. Its an interesting list to say the least.

Jake Bullet

Friday, August 19, 2005

another thursday night

Another thursday night where I've been out and about since about 8pm till we got thrown out of the bar (it was bar time, we didn't do anything wrong to get thrown out).

The night was kicked off by a lovely meal with our fabulous friend Andrew. We mostly talked about business and about Jonathan. I'm pretty sure that Andrew and I are going to take a roadtrip to see Jonathan next Wednesday or so. Keep your eyes peeled for updates. We also briefly discussed the crazy idea.

Then Andrew and I hit the munch and here are some of the highlghtes:

-Somehow Andrew and I started trying to figure out what all 10 commandments were. We managed 8 of them before we started having to make phone calls.....about 7 phone calls before we found anyone who knew them. Several people who attended various churchy type schools couldn't help us. Finally after calling the gay, Jewish, Latino boy we figured out the last 2. He's still studying for his conversion so he knew them all. Andrew's quote "You know for a faggot and a fence-sitter, 8 isn't bad". Yep, that's our Andrew.

-I ordered a new toy. Basically, a large oak, half inch thick hairbrush without bristles. The gentleman who made my flogger is going to make it. If the quality is *any* like the flogger, then he's going to become my permanent supplier of BDSM toys. It ought to be ready in about 2 weeks which should be just dandy for me. Something tells me I'm going to learn to simultaniously love and hate this new paddle. Oh well, such is life.

-Had a fun little conversation with the toymaker about "pervertables" as toys versus standard toys (like from JT Stockroom) versus custom ordered toys. And we both agreed that the best and most fun are ones made just for you. Or in his case, hand made for himself. They're more personal and you can say its one of a kind (or of a few). My black and red flogger for example, there are only 3 like it in the world. Only three made using those materials, made by the toymaker. And one of those is mine. All in all, a good conversation.

-Andrew is, in fact, an instigator. And I hate him for it. And kind of technically love him for it too.

-Mid evening Andrew and I grabbed another tiny bite and waited for a vanilla friend to join us before heading to vanilla bars. We spent part of that time trying to determine who among our circle of friends might be into BDSM. Well, I was mostly trying to figure it out. Andrew was trying not to cry and was calling for shots while we were at a burger joint. It was amusing to try to imagine my vanilla friends holding whips or kneeling down.

-Then we hit a vanilla bar and met up with some friends. Andrew was being extra fabulous and at one point had 3 drunk girls grinding all over him. They all looked very cute together and fun was had by all. I just sort of sat nearby and let my mind wander; as it tends to do whenever I'm not carefully watching it. Then bar time rolled around and we got thrown out. The girls played "Hey Hot Stuff" the entire ride back. If you've never been drunk and played this game, its a hoot, I'll tell ya how some time.

Well, that covers much of the evening. Okay, there is one other thing. And I know I pretty much have to say it. Um, I took another tiny backslide with the smoking thing. Basically, the day my car died (its since been reborn) I kind of bought a pack of smokes. And kinda smoked the entire pack. Since the day the car died, I've had 20....A whole pack. But now I'm done again. I'm going to get out the number 2 patches I have and go back to wearing those for awhile. No more cigarettes for Jake Bullet. No more, none, all done, Ain't gonna have anymore. I swear, no more cigarettes. Momentary lapse is all.

Alright, well, time to play around online for a little while, write one or two key e-mails, then sleepy time for this pervert.

Jake Bullet

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

A fucking crazy idea

So, Andrew, Paul, and I were up in the building, I was on the clock, we were just bull shitting around and I came up with a crazy idea. I can't tell any of you about it right now (well, a few of you I can, but not in this blog) but this idea could seriously be my mark on this area. My permanant mark on the area. And its just fucking crazy enough to work. I am so lit right now, Paul and I are knocking out ideas and prepring this. It will take years of work but its just crazy enough. And we are going to have to be so fucking careful, I mean there are 50,000 ways that this could get fucked up, but we're the smartest people here. If ANYONE can make it work, thats me. I am so fucking jazzed about this right now.

In other words, I'm going to pour gasoline on my car and light it on fire. I'll tell the story once everything is fixed out, but I am a little annoyed by that right now.

Okay, I'm off to keep working on this thing.

Lata Y'all

Jake Bullet

(editors note: Paul is the other boss. The not security job. I talk about him too much for us not to have a name for him. So he is now paul)

Monday, August 15, 2005

Random Updates

Thanks to the Poet, the little story is up. She will be receiving both a cookie and a gold star. Keep in mind, I've never written any sort of fiction, must less erotic or sexy fiction, so to be honest its probably bad writing, but atleast its my story. I've actually been kicking around the idea of trying to write more stories, but I'm not sure how likely that is.

Saturday I attended the same event (albiet I missed much of it) that the Poet did. The cities attempt at working towards a thing like the Wetspot. It seemed to go quite well. Here are some of the highlights:

-I bought a very cool knife. I'll be honest, I have spent much of this evening slowly running the blade up and down, across and all all over my arms. I have several tiny little lines up and down my arm and they are so pretty. Have I mentioned that I really want to try out a really good knifeplay scene some time? ::evil grin::

- I talked to the gentleman who made my flogger about several other items that I would like for him to make for me. I'm going to ask him to make me a thick oak paddle in the shape of a large hairbrush next. Then who knows what. Any suggestions will be considered. His workmanship is just great. Honestly, he should be charging more and making alot more, but I think he is purposely keeping himself very small so that it stays a hobby.

-Saw the piercer do his demo/presentation. Was embarrassed when he looked at me the entire time he was saying "Do this when you're mentally prepared". Got to chat with him briefly afterwards and asked "hey at Kinky Kollege, do you think you and I could do a sensual/artistic needle scene?". He told me to shoot him an e-mail with some ideas but that it was a definite possibility. Now I need to spend a little time figuring out exactly what want to try and how to pitch it to him. But I'll likely be shooting him an e-mail in the next day or so.

-I tried out the evilest little clamp I'd ever seen. Its a small plastic device intended to clamp off large blood vessels. It clicks to 5 different levels of tightness and hurts like a bitch. On the first click (through my shirt) I was up on my toes, wincing. The second click had me whimpering loudly and then it was taken off. Evil little thing. Problem is, now I want to get nipple clamps.

-Got to see lots of cool people, help support the local community and have some fun.

In other news, work is driving me half nuts. I'm just surrounded by petulant children in adult bodies and its annoying at times.

Somehow Andrew, the Boss (from the not security job) and I got to thinking how much cooler it would be if our office was more like a grade school....you know, with juice /cookies, nap time and a playground. I could not help giggling madly because well, if they only knew about that part of me. Good times.

Romantic Death. Its a video of people, from the neck up, masturbating. Okay, I find this video way too cool. I picked it up from Matisse's blog and I really like it. First of all the song is fucking amazing. I need to find this group and obtain more of there stuff. But the part I like is, there's no nudity whatsoever. Its just people enjoying them, and you get to stare into there eyes when they go into that cool little corner of there soul that's just pure pleasure. Really neat.

Hopefully I can chat with Siren tomorrow, we have tons of stuff to talk about and I miss hearing her voice.

Okay, off to go exploring in the building.

Jake Bullet

Friday, August 12, 2005

A Fantasy

We all have fantasies, right? Some very specific, others very dark and scary, others more personal. Some are very special and we're had for years. Others are almost passing fancies. Fantasies and making them come true is one of the best parts about BDSM. Well, I've decided, to share one of mine right here. One of mine that has been almost constant for the past several years and one which I have never had the chance to fulfill.

This fantasy is one really special to me; one I hope some day will come true. The very basic version of the fantasy is that I do so much impact play and do it for so long, that finally every wall, every barrier, every roadblock that was part of me would fall down and I'd just be there, hurt and completely open and then comforted by the person who took down the walls. Maybe its not the worlds best fantasy but its mine. I've spent a great deal of time writing this and it somehow evolved into a story format. If this were to ever happen, it certainly wouldn’t need to go exactly like this. The basics of the fight, the resistance, the breaking and the love are the key bits.

It couldn't be in a public dungeon or even a small play party where I knew everyone. This has to be alone, private, just me and her. And it has to be a her. I like boys, I enjoy playing with boys, but there are certain things I'd just rather do with a woman. This happens to be one of them. And it would have to be someone I knew, someone I had a real connection with and someone who I really deeply trusted, someone who could read me and who cared for me. Those things being said, here is how it would play out in my mind.

A Fantasy

Well, I hope you enjoyed that. It took quite awhile to write it. I guess basically I just once want to be completely broken down and then loved deeply while I’m in that vulnerable, open space. I’d give a lot to have this come true one day. Feel free to comment and tell me why it sucks or is poorly written.

Jake Bullet

Editors note: Let us all deeply thank the Poet for making my story into html or whatever it is. I owe her a cookie or something. Thanks Poet.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

First Play Piercing

Okay, I've promised this post for too long. And here it is, an entertaining story with an important lesson at the end.

I had the opportunity to attend my first BDSM convention about 6 months ago and I learned so much there and had an absolute blast. Due to a combination of lack of funding, nervousness, and work schedules, I opted to attend a single day of the 3 day long convention. And I knew about a dozen other people headed to the event from the local community so I was all prepared to let my inner perv roam free for 24 hours.

The night before hand I was like a kid on Christmas Eve. I was saying "We seriously need to sleep. Okay, time to close the eyes, starting.....now. Okay, Now. Damn it, I have to get some sleep". That was pretty much our 3+hour inner monologue while I lay in bed at my parents house, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. I last saw a clock at 4:15am and I woke up at 6am. So yeah, we were not sleeping very well or very much. I got dressed and made myself look as pretty as possible and then headed off in my car. I also decided to skip breakfast and just drink Diet Coca Cola.

More than 2 hours of driving later I arrived at the hotel with 4 empty Diet Coca Cola cans sitting in various places of the car. Yeah, it was about 9am and already I had consumed 4 cans of soda and nothing else. Not the smartest idea, but it seemed to be working for me. I arrived and immediately registered, found some people I knew and then started chain smoking. Again, not the smartest idea, but it seemed to be working. See I was chain smoking because I was nervous as I could possibly be, surrounded by all these big, bad, scary SM people.

Several members of our group had decided to attend a play piercing workshop together and I decided to join them because I had recently felt an interest in play piercing bloom. This also happened to be the first workshop of my first BDSM convention. Well, the workshop was very well presented. The demo at the end was exciting and intriguing. The presenter was fabulous and very well versed in his art. After the class he said anyone wanting to try a few play piercings could come up and get jabbed a few times. Naturally, I went up the the front to have a few needles put in me.

Now, the first hour of this two hour workshop was devoted to safety. And of the safety section, the first part of that was devoted to being in the right space to be pierced. One of the first things he said was "Don't do this if you're tired. Don't do this if you're in a bad headspace or extraordinarily nervous. Don't do this unless you've had something to eat. This is serious stuff and if you don't prepare yourself physically and mentally then things are going to end badly. Be prepared to stop a piercing scene if you start loosing it, start feeling very out of it, or get into a bad headspace".

Good advice, right? Yes, definitely. If you think I was bright enough to listen, you obviously haven't been paying attention. I said to myself "Look, I'm freaking Jake Bullet, man. I've given blood. I've had my ears pierced many times. I can handle this. I'm a big boy and I can get away with ignoring the advice of a proven expert." How do you think that turned out? ::evil grin::

Well, I nicely asked to be poked and he nicely agreed to poke my arm a few times. And I sat down in a chair, put my arm up on the bondage table, took a deep breath and watched him prepare. As I was watching him prepare, all of the people from my group in the audience stayed behind to watch and offer moral support. And I started subtly freaking out I watched him glove up, clean my arm, prep needles and generally prepare. And by subtle freaking out, I mean I started entering a bad headspace from the get go. Here's how it went down:

In goes one needle. Everything seems fine.
"How are we doing?" he asks
"Great, great, that felt kind of cool" Jake Bullet replies in a slightly nervous, but relatively collected voice. I have enjoyed the first needle.
"Okay, here comes the second one, just breathe" In goes another needle "How's that? Still alright?"
In a spacey, altered, distant voice "Oh yeah, I'm great" Add in a stupid grin here. I'm also feel pretty out of it at this point, but I want another one and don't want to wimp out.
"Okay" prepping a third needle "You ready for one more?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm good" I'm gently swaying in the chair now.
Brief pause as a needle enters the sharps box, not me. "No, no you're not. You're white as a sheet and you look like your going into shock." Out come the two needles. "Come on, lets lie you down on the floor. Can someone go get me some juice?". He starts to move me onto the floor.

At this point, I simply want to die. You can just kill me now. Infront of all my perv friends, I have just embarrassed the shit out of myself. I wanted to curl up and sink into the floor. Back to the story.

"No, no, I'm fine, I swear, I don't need to lay down, I'm fine, please"
He lets out a very firm "Domly look" and he says in one of those Domly voices "Yes, you do, you're about to go into shock, now lie down now"
I lay down on the floor where he indicated and just cover my face because I am so overcome by shame, he proceeds to take my pulse, obtain juice for me and gently tries to reassure me and bring me back to a more normal frame of reality. Finely 10 minutes later, after several attempts by me to get up and being firmly told no each time, I'm deemed back to normal (relative term) and allowed to get up.

The pericer and I talk and I sheepishly admit that I really hadn't slept, eaten or been in any semblance of a good space when I walked in the door. He sort of clucks his tongue and tells me this is why you're supposed to follow directions. We later talk more and discuss more how that could have played out better. We part ways with me sheepishly running to the smokers lounge to hide and enjoy a little relaxation. Hiding didn't work since two of my friends joined me in there. While I am mortified with myself, my friends generally say "Well, did you learn to listen? You did? Great, We've all had bad scenes or demos take place and yeah its embarrassing but no big deal". I did learn some very important things, in addition to lots of cool information on needles. Here is what I learned:

-When a BDSM expert says "Don't do that" they always mean it.
-In BDSM, rules exist for reasons and are generally best followed.
-No one, not even me, gets to take safety rules/advice for granted.
-Being in a good headspace is very important to having a good time.

Now, I found out at Shibaricon, where I attended a very similar workshop by the same piercer, that he now shares that story when he teaches these classes. But we both smiled about it and he was the one who for real pierced my right nipple. I may be asking him in the near future if we can do a real play piercing scene at Kinky Kollege.

Anyway, time for me to try to sleep again. Enjoy, and please feel free to comment or make suggestions for posts.

Jake Bullet

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Scary, scary things

Again random updates without any real direction. I'm in a very "stream of conscious flow" mood tonight. Enjoy and please share ideas.

Well, it only took 3 20-25 minute long trips to find the accoutrements I needed, but I did get to spend a lovely evening on the phone. Well, an hour and a half really, but it was lots of fun. And by fun I mean that I was squirming, whimpering, pouting, crying out "no fair", breathing heavily and generally having a gay ole time. I like these phone calls alot. And there gets to be another tomorrow. Tomorrow when I guarantee I will have my phone fully charged and be available longer.

Why is it things, that would send any normal boy my age running away, seem to excite me? Normal people don't dream about these sorts of things. Normal people don't have these fantasies. Normal people don't do this. Normal people are fine just having normal vanilla sex. Normal people don't need floggers, whips, collars or anything else to have fun.

Then I remember I haven't been normal ever.

Still, this isn't exactly little stuff. I mean, I'm mentally moving more from thinking about purely bottoming type things to more submissive type things. Thinking more about obedience and about rules and following rules and really submitting. Thinking more about the mental and emotional stuff.

This all scares me. And most of it scares me in a pretty good way. But some of it in a really scary kind of way.

I need to just think alot and breathe deeply and just accept things without trying to deconstruct why my dick gets hard.

But at the same time, I think that its important for me to keep moving slowly, to keep gently pushing ahead and trust that even though I can't see very fair down the path I'm walking, atleast someone is walking with me and atleast they know where we are headed. I need to trust them to be looking out for our collective best interests, while also keeping my own head alert and watching carefully. Yes thats the game to play.

In other news. My backslide was, um, abruptly brought to an end earlier this evening. Abruptly and with little discussion. Which I know is for the best. And I think because I asked very nicely and didn't fight what I knew was best for me, I am allowed one more cigarette. When I take Dawson to the Airport. One then to celebrate things and then I'm done again. I'm secretly happy that I got corrected in this manner and also that someone is letting me have one more. So yeah.

Work blows as per usual, but tonight could have been much much worse.

I am pretty sure that I'm about to discover that 12 days is a very long time. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to find out some things are easier with a little motivation. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to secretly enjoy these next several days, well enjoy and mildly hate them too. Well, the 12 already started about 3.5 hours ago so time to just run with it and have fun.

If it weren't for the fact that being abnormal is too much damn fun, I'd really want to be normal.

Okay, enough assorted ramblings. If I'm lucky I get to see Jonathan tomorrow and have him alone in a room for awhile. I need to talk to him. I need to get his advice.

Jake Bullet

Monday, August 08, 2005

Mourning

Peter Jennings died today.

I'm actually really saddened by this because I really enjoyed watching him and he was almost part of life at my house growing up.

My family and I all share an extremely low opinion of "local news" and what passes for news in local broadcasts. My parents also don't have cable (my mom has philosophical objections) and so CNN and MSNBC are out. So, much of the days news was obtained through various PBS shows and through "World News Tonight" which was Peter Jennings show. Every day when my mom or dad got home, whatever else was on would be shut off and World News Tonight came on. When I was younger, I would go somewhere else to entertain myself because I found the news boring, but the last few years I lived there, I started tuning in as soon as the broadcast started. Peter Jennings was part of the routine at my parents house and I enjoyed seeing him every night.

I knew he had been diagnosed with lung cancer and that thats pretty serious. I suppose I should have expected it. But, I didn't. I thought he was closer to 55 than the 67 he was. And from what I heard, he was planning on continuing to broadcast and report the news. It just seems very sudden and needless because he was such a great reporter and genuinely seemed to care about the news and those sorts of things.

I'm saddened by this.

Jake Bullet

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Random Update

Well, I seem to have some time on my hands to kill, so I figured it was for a blog entry, although, today will not be the story of the first play piercing, that will be for a different day. Just random life updates and musing for today. Enjoy in good health. I have noticed however, that it felt weird not to be writing here the last few days.

Seeing Dawson has been quite nice and we have been catching up nicely. I wish he made slightly healthier decisions while out on the West Coast, but thats his call not mine. He's been having a less than great trip because so many random things he had to do (renew his passport, have wisdom teeth removed, etc.), have all taken place in the last several days. He's been hitting the pain pills for his wisdom teeth pretty hard, but thats because Dawson enjoys the "swimy" feeling he gets from them and he has an excuse to be altered around the parents. I worry about that boy.

Seeing Dawson has made me....backslide.....slightly on my commitment to not smoke anymore. But as soon as Dawson is out of the area, I'm back on the wagon! Or off it. Whichever one means not smoking at all. And for the record, I have yet to purchase any cigarettes. I swear I will be resuming the whole "smoke free" thing as soon as Dawson leaves. I just need to keep remembering that I quit so I could spend more money on S&M gear/events/etc. and so I could generally have more cash.

I asked someone a question the other day about something, expecting a polite "no thank you, but thanks for asking". I got a "possibly, let me check and get back to you". Which, I was fairly unprepared for. It never occurred to me that things might even possibly be a "yes" and so I was fairly taken aback by the answer I received. This development fills me with incredible amounts of fear and incredible amounts of excitement and anticipation. Excitement to the point of doing jazz hands....Yes, jazz hands. I should have more details by Tuesday or so. I cannot express in words how much I wish the answer can be yes. Until then, I'm left to imagine and hope.

I've registered for Kinky Kollege. And that promises to be a fabulous event. I need to remember to e-mail Pere today so I can ask him if he'll pierce my other nipple at the event. The Poet is coming along and we are working on rangling in different people, dealing with hotel matters, and setting up plans. I shall keep y'all updated. I have big plans for this event. Oh, and I seriously recommend attending because I've been to events by these people before and they are hella fabulous.

The Father's 50th birthday party went off quite well. The surprise was very surprising for him. The food was plentiful and delicious. The cake came equipped with the requisite number of candles. All was well. Plus several relatives drove in which made things even more entertaining and stressful for my mom. But all in all it was well and I managed to be very helpful which was nice. It was a dandy event.

Work, lately, has been significantly more annoying and distressing than usual. I fake-resigned 3 times today. Its a thing we have at work. You write something to the effect of:

Dear Boss,

I hate you. This job blows. I hate you. I hereby resign.

Jake Bullet
PS: I hope you choke on a bagel.


Then you give it to the boss and everyone giggles. Its a nice stress relief technique. I wrote 3 notes like that today. It was good times.

Well, now its time to go read many, many blogs and generally waste a night by wandering the building and floating through cyberspace. Well, that and spending more than a little time devoted to imagining what answers might await me come later this week. Till then y'all.

Jake Bullet

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Family Things

Sorry, but I'm going to have to delay any fascinating or fabulous posts for a little while. My brother, Dawson, is back in down for about a week or so. Plus, Saturday is my dad's 50th birthday. So there are many family events and whatnot to attend to. I'm already missing several interesting events and opportunities to spend time with Dawson and to help with the party setup. So, for the next few days, blogging will be a little light.

However, I will give you this little teaser. I'll share the mortifying story of the first time I tried play piercing. Its a good story. That'll be our next post.

Jake Bullet

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Monday, August 01, 2005

Wiffle Bat Kung Fu........Patent Pending

Over the past 90 minutes I have invented a new and very hella awesome form of martial arts. Unlike those more pretentious Asian martial arts, mine was developed in about 15 minutes time and perfected about 30 minutes later. Plus, mine involves the copious usage of a wiffle bat. The name of the new art of self defense and beat downs? Wiffle Bat Kung Fu. See it combines the best of wiffling (the wiffle bat part) along with a bitching martial arts name (kung fu.....easily stolen from the more serious, less fabulous kung fu artists of cheesy movies). The basic 3 maneuvers of Wiffle Bat Kung Fu involve holding a large yellow wiffle bat (intended to go with a T-Ball set) in a threatening manner (the floating crane), spinning the wiffle bat to make a cool twirling noise (the hyper awesome twirl), and randomly flailing the bat at some imagined or hallucinated noise/shadow (the ultra takedown blow of death). Oh yeah, I don't have issues baby, I have a lifetime subscription. And yes, I am a professional smartass. But in my defense, atleast one person thinks its cute that I’m a smartass.

Well, the reason I invented this little art is because I am alone in this building. That’s right, if I die, injury myself, get frightened, find a problem, or am attacked by creatures....then the best I can hope to do is use my cell to call the cops. And that gives me alot of hope. Plus I am now forced to walk (several times) thru the "very scary zone" of the building with no backup and only a freaking wiffle bat to ward off intruders. I'm thinking of just holding out 5 dollars whiles I walk there and trying to bribe the monsters.

Jonathans Party was a blast. Here are some of the highlights:

-I almost died 3 times driving there because I was so tired. After awhile I developed the policy of stopping frequently at locations and walking around to wake myself up. See, its bad when you start almost half dozing off whilst at a wheel. No more of that. But I managed to live (you probably guessed that since I'm sitting here writing that)

-I corrupted a girl. By this I mean, we found ourselves alone, and drinking and talking about sex and she admitted basically what amounted to a fantasy rape scenario was like her ultimate fantasy. I said "hella cool", lamented over the fact that I had neglected to bring my rope bag (no, I wasn't going to fuck her, I just might have wanted to show her some rope, thats all), then gave her a piece of paper with my e-mail plus the name of the local BDSM group (not my group, we were in a different area of the state), the name of a state wide group, the address of several of my favorite sites (not porn, purely informational and educational), some terms she may want to "google" (I can't believe people allow proper nouns to be turned into verbs) and a little note explaining I had a little experience and could answer any questions she had or atleast send her to someone with better answers. I wonder how it will go for her.

-I drank a fair amount of whiskey and beer, which was nice. The whiskey we had however wasn't aged in oak barrels for 12 years or anything fancy like that. No this shit was of the June 2004" vintage. Yes, its true, college students will drink anything with booze in it. But it was nice.

-I got to spend 25 minutes pacing around the side of the yard, out of hearing distance but within sight of everyone, chatting to a lovely lady from the South (Siren). I wish we could have talked for more time, but it would have been rude to spend most of a party away from everyone on my phone. Jonathan looked at me when I wandered back to the party with a huge grin on my face, just laughed and asked if it was 9 already. Then we wandered off and chatted and he offered some good advice.

-Someone broke there foot due to a combination of *way* too much Southern Comfort, a very competitive volleyball game, and slippery grass. Andrew initially treated and diagnosed as a severe sprain, but exam by someone who spent more than 1 year as an athletic training major reviled that there are broken bits in her ankle. Not good, but to be honest, I'm surprised it took this many years for us to have an injury.

Those are many of the highlights, but all in all it was a good party. Different that previous years, but good none the less.

Dawson will be in town from 2 weeks starting Tuesday. That should be fun because I rarely see him anymore. Mayhaps I can take a road trip one day and see him some time.

I am extremely tired right now and seriously considering a nap. I'd need to go home and get my alarm clock, but I'd be worth it.

Today’s quote of the day is from Cheers
Sam: "What'll you have Normie?"
Norm: "Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
Sam: "Looks like beer, Norm."
Norm: "Call me Mister Lucky."

Today’s link of the day: Siren's take on ageplay. While I won't go into detail now or share the fetish I am embarrassed to have, I will say the fetish I referenced as very personal, very private, and which I couldn't do with most people I know is, in fact, ageplay. And not school girl, short skirt, etc ageplay. Like really innocent non sexual ageplay. That’s one of my big things. But yeah, read her thoughts. They're very smart.

Well, I'm gonna go grab my alarm clock and a soda take a short nap. Tomorrow, expect some cool links and perhaps an amusing story or two,

Jake Bullet