Wiffle Bat Kung Fu........Patent Pending

Over the past 90 minutes I have invented a new and very hella awesome form of martial arts. Unlike those more pretentious Asian martial arts, mine was developed in about 15 minutes time and perfected about 30 minutes later. Plus, mine involves the copious usage of a wiffle bat. The name of the new art of self defense and beat downs? Wiffle Bat Kung Fu. See it combines the best of wiffling (the wiffle bat part) along with a bitching martial arts name (kung fu.....easily stolen from the more serious, less fabulous kung fu artists of cheesy movies). The basic 3 maneuvers of Wiffle Bat Kung Fu involve holding a large yellow wiffle bat (intended to go with a T-Ball set) in a threatening manner (the floating crane), spinning the wiffle bat to make a cool twirling noise (the hyper awesome twirl), and randomly flailing the bat at some imagined or hallucinated noise/shadow (the ultra takedown blow of death). Oh yeah, I don't have issues baby, I have a lifetime subscription. And yes, I am a professional smartass. But in my defense, atleast one person thinks its cute that I’m a smartass.

Well, the reason I invented this little art is because I am alone in this building. That’s right, if I die, injury myself, get frightened, find a problem, or am attacked by creatures....then the best I can hope to do is use my cell to call the cops. And that gives me alot of hope. Plus I am now forced to walk (several times) thru the "very scary zone" of the building with no backup and only a freaking wiffle bat to ward off intruders. I'm thinking of just holding out 5 dollars whiles I walk there and trying to bribe the monsters.

Jonathans Party was a blast. Here are some of the highlights:

-I almost died 3 times driving there because I was so tired. After awhile I developed the policy of stopping frequently at locations and walking around to wake myself up. See, its bad when you start almost half dozing off whilst at a wheel. No more of that. But I managed to live (you probably guessed that since I'm sitting here writing that)

-I corrupted a girl. By this I mean, we found ourselves alone, and drinking and talking about sex and she admitted basically what amounted to a fantasy rape scenario was like her ultimate fantasy. I said "hella cool", lamented over the fact that I had neglected to bring my rope bag (no, I wasn't going to fuck her, I just might have wanted to show her some rope, thats all), then gave her a piece of paper with my e-mail plus the name of the local BDSM group (not my group, we were in a different area of the state), the name of a state wide group, the address of several of my favorite sites (not porn, purely informational and educational), some terms she may want to "google" (I can't believe people allow proper nouns to be turned into verbs) and a little note explaining I had a little experience and could answer any questions she had or atleast send her to someone with better answers. I wonder how it will go for her.

-I drank a fair amount of whiskey and beer, which was nice. The whiskey we had however wasn't aged in oak barrels for 12 years or anything fancy like that. No this shit was of the June 2004" vintage. Yes, its true, college students will drink anything with booze in it. But it was nice.

-I got to spend 25 minutes pacing around the side of the yard, out of hearing distance but within sight of everyone, chatting to a lovely lady from the South (Siren). I wish we could have talked for more time, but it would have been rude to spend most of a party away from everyone on my phone. Jonathan looked at me when I wandered back to the party with a huge grin on my face, just laughed and asked if it was 9 already. Then we wandered off and chatted and he offered some good advice.

-Someone broke there foot due to a combination of *way* too much Southern Comfort, a very competitive volleyball game, and slippery grass. Andrew initially treated and diagnosed as a severe sprain, but exam by someone who spent more than 1 year as an athletic training major reviled that there are broken bits in her ankle. Not good, but to be honest, I'm surprised it took this many years for us to have an injury.

Those are many of the highlights, but all in all it was a good party. Different that previous years, but good none the less.

Dawson will be in town from 2 weeks starting Tuesday. That should be fun because I rarely see him anymore. Mayhaps I can take a road trip one day and see him some time.

I am extremely tired right now and seriously considering a nap. I'd need to go home and get my alarm clock, but I'd be worth it.

Today’s quote of the day is from Cheers
Sam: "What'll you have Normie?"
Norm: "Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
Sam: "Looks like beer, Norm."
Norm: "Call me Mister Lucky."

Today’s link of the day: Siren's take on ageplay. While I won't go into detail now or share the fetish I am embarrassed to have, I will say the fetish I referenced as very personal, very private, and which I couldn't do with most people I know is, in fact, ageplay. And not school girl, short skirt, etc ageplay. Like really innocent non sexual ageplay. That’s one of my big things. But yeah, read her thoughts. They're very smart.

Well, I'm gonna go grab my alarm clock and a soda take a short nap. Tomorrow, expect some cool links and perhaps an amusing story or two,

Jake Bullet