Sex, Beer, Politics and S&M

Found things

2007-01-30T10:14:00.000-06:00

Stuff I've found recently
-My debit card.....like most weeks, I left it at the Munch bar. Only problem is I remembered in 4 days later not 1 hour later.
-Tiggers. They were at that hot chicks house
-Birthday cards and presents. Also at hot chicks house
-Book. At the parentals house. This one annoyed me a fair amount.
-My wallet. Hidden under 1001 things in my room
-Rope. In the dead car. Along with some books, shirts, electronics, etc.
-My purse. Also, in dead car. This is coming back. My life was better when I had a purse.
-CDs. Also at the hot chicks house.

Stuff that still missing.
-One very nice singletail. But I'm retearing the hot chicks house apart because we are on a hot streak of finding things.

K

Important Decision

2007-01-15T22:37:00.001-06:00

I've made an important decision. I'm going to stop watching TV.

I watch too much TV. And because I spend time doing that, I don't spend enough time, reading working on side projects, reading, seeing friends, reading, sleeping or reading. And while TV is nice and one can learn alot and be a better person, the drawbacks are too big.

It sucks too much of my time, the commercials rot my brain, it promotes lazy thinking, and the keep adding new reality TV shows which make me want to kill myself.

Now, I'm not going to become some anti TV Nazi. I'm just going to unplug my TV and unless I have a good specific reason for using it, its stays off. I'll keep my DVD player hooked to it and my Xbox hooked in and I'll still use those, but not alot. I don't use those alot now, so they can stay. But the days on always saying "i'm bored, lets veg out in front of TV for 3 hours" are done. I may still watch now and again, but not nearly as much, as often or as bad as I do now.

I haven't given this a ton of thought, but it just seems like a good idea. So I'm following an impulse.

Bye bye TV.

Jake

2007-01-09T12:27:00.001-06:00

I may be ready to come out of the proverbial cave soon. Well, I suppose I have to really, people are throwing a party partly for me on Sunday. Other people are coming down to have dinner with me Friday and I may be going to a new club on Saturday. Add to that that I have 2 classes, a show and an after party (to help host) the next weekend. And then pile on a secret project that desperately needs work, a private event I need to make happen come late Feb and a stack of unreturned phone calls and e-mails a mile high, well....lets just say that getting hideously depressed, going off meds and hiding in a cave for a few weeks is overrated.

So Friday is my birthday, and left to my own devices, I would not celebrate it. 21 was the last B-day to look forward to. Well, that and 65 when I start getting a senior discount at Denny's.

I have a to do list for the day with 2 dozen items. Hopefully I can be productive today.

I spent all of Sunday watching VH1 "100 Greatest 80s songs". And I DLed them all. And I made the exact play list VH1 did. And it hella rocks.

Alright, well, I'm off to start on the To Do list. Later y'all.

Oh, btw, Firefox 2.0 hella rocks. So much better than the last version and the last version rocked.

Jake

2007-01-09T12:27:00.000-06:00

Not cool enough

2006-12-29T04:03:00.000-06:00

I'm just not cool enough. I try, really I do, but I am simply not cool enough for what I do on the weekends.

See, black boots, jeans and a black t-shirt just don't get me any cool points in the kink world. Admitidly I'll never be out of style in that outfit, but it has never won an award.

And so, I am making a list of clothing items that I am going to start obtaining for myself. That, plus learning new kinds of kink should help me become the coolest guy in Milwaukee's kink scene (yeah, cats out of the frickin bag, I live in Milwaukee, WI). So here's what I already have and what I need.

Already have:
-Jeans
-Lots of pervy black shirts
-Black boots
-Red Converse Hi-Tops
-A black mesh Topping thong (Damn it I am domly in a thong)
-Silly Hats

What I need:
-A black Utilikilt
-Bigger Black boots
-A new black dress shirt (its just a good thing to have that I am missing)
-3 new pairs of jeans
-Cool sunglasses....must look evil
-New glasses ('scription ones)
-Black leather belt with rows of little studs on it (http://www.rebelrebel.uk.com/images/FourRow.prod.jpg)
-Novelty Hats (thanks go to Sally jane for reminding me of a very special)
-A Jaunty Eye Patch (what can I say, I have a silly prop fetish)

Okay, I just have the best idea for a party I have this weekend. Black Monk Long Sleeved T (or a black button down over a pervy T, Black boots, black mesh Topping thong, and pants. But, as soon as I tie da boy down, off come the pants and (maybe) out comes a lawn gnome or a silly hat, but for sure out come a few canes and my sadistic side. Oh, and da boy will spend several minutes confessing his desire to be topped by someone in a black mesh thong before any hitting.

Tomorrow I'm going to get a cute black button down....maybe two of them, and maybe some jeans.

Until then....

Jake

Figuring out the blog thing

2006-12-27T10:05:00.000-06:00

Well, heres the deal.

I'm not abandoning this blog at all. I like it alot and I think blogger has some major advantages over LJ. However, I am able to check a bunch of friends at once on LJ and I like the interface better. Sorry to admit it but I do.

But I hate having this and not properly using it. So I am trying to figure out how to set something up so I can post to LJ and have the posts show up here as well. Any ideas on how to make this happen would be super appreciated.

But yeah, I am going to try to be here more often. Check back later today for more jazz.

Jake

2006-09-01T22:09:00.000-05:00

It's definately been awhile since I blogged, but I have loads of cool new stuff for y'all today.

First, a bunch of stuff about the new car. First of all, failed emissions test (boo!) but other than that I love it. I just added a BDSM flag sticker to the back of the car so that fellow pervs will recognize me. Chip and Dip have both taken a few turns at driving my car....for which I didn't have a stroke or heartattack. I didn't throw a nutty and no one died while the sisters (Chip and Dip) were driving. And, one of the sisters, Dip, discovered that the button I had assumed was a panic alarm was really a keyless start button....w00t!

Let's see, tomorrow I'm going out to lunch with Batina and the Piercer and then to a movie....Batina is out on an extended date with the Piercer right now. I'll just be making a brief guest appearance for the company and the sushi

Before the new year, I want to learn to love coffee...really good coffee...perferably learn to love even black coffee.

And last, I'm embarking on an interesting journey for the next few weeks. Batina promised the Piercer that she would have someone capable of doing anal fisting for a class he is teaching at KK. All well and good, especially since I wasn't the one she was going to have do it. But truth be told, there is a fairly decent chance that her other partner whom she asked to be the fistee will back out. And so I've been asked to play the role of the understudy. I am so not a size queen and I have very little expierence with advanced anal play. But I am determined to be ready by the time KK roles around.

Anyway, thats the lastest of my life.

Jake

2006-08-22T18:02:00.000-05:00

I've taken several phone calls today from a variety of people. Not one of them has said goodbye. Everyone just hangs up these days.

On a seperate note, tomorrow is going to be less fun. Why? I've been "invited" by my grandfather to a luncheon with the GOP candidate for Governor and Rudy Gulliani. Its a $50 per head fundraising event for the GOP. ANd I have to give my cgrandfather credit on a variety of levels. He tries to be active in local and state politics. He is trying to spend time with me doing things that he believes me to have interest in (politics). He is trying to get the sisters (Chip and Dip) interested in politics by bringing them. And he doesn't ussually beat me over the head with GOP propaganda. There are a few little problems.

I'm not even a little bit conservative. I never have and have little intention of voting for a GOP candiate. I'm a registered Democrat. I'm a kinky, bisexual, polyamorus guy. I've actively campaigned for a variety of Democrats. I've donated time and money to defeating the GOP. I have no interest in a GOP fundraiser.

I've always been really wishy washy with him on my political leanings. He knows I'm a Dem, but I soften to avoid fights. And this unfortunately, has lead to the belief that either a) I'm interested in hearing propogranda from both parties and that I'm open to alot of ideas or b) that I might flip parties.

Problem is.....I'm in politics to win. Thats what I care about. I'm not into a blanaced discussion of the issues in an election year. I'm in it to win and to see my party gain more power.

Oh well, nothing I can do now. However, I am going to make it more clear that scheduling me for things without giving me anything more than an offhand comment about something like this won't happen. I'll grant that I said something to the effect of "Oh, that's nice" when he mentioned this several weeks ago, but I didn't commit to anything, I didn't indicate interest, and I didn't say that I was free that day.

Oh well, I'll just deal with it.

Jake

2006-08-17T15:01:00.000-05:00

So I'm on hold with my shrinks office (ADD) and listening to hold music, when the music changes. What comes on is the music from Schindler's List. I know the piece well seeing as how I've played it in concert twice. If my phone line was full of depressed, anxious people trying to get appoitnments with doctors, frankly, I'd choose an easy listening station for the hold music.

Bad music choice.

Jake

Blah

2006-08-08T21:29:00.000-05:00

Well, how are things with y'all?

I'm rejoining GD soon (hopefully by this weekend). I miss hanging out in Chicago and I miss seeing people down there.

I've had a throughly unproductive day today. But in the last hour or so I have felt much more into the idea of doing work. Cleaning, reading, writing, etc.

By the time I go to sleep tonight, I need to have finished writing my father's birthday gift. I'm making him the same thing I made for my mom, a framed list of some of the reasons why I love him. Hopefully, it will fit somewhere on his office walls. Also, I'm promising to help him redo his office as a gift. As a wise person said, "Whats the use of having a fag for a sun if you can't get free decorating?"

The more and more I think about it, the more I want to make writing a part of my life. I want to be a published author. And so, I've got a few ideas cooking, and I'm doing a little reasearch to see what the field is like.

I need to have coffee/dinner with a variety of people. Jonathan canceled on me tonight, but we rescheduled for Friday.

I'm feeling somewhat apprehensive about restarting school full time in a few weeks. I need to get ready for that.

I'm going to go back to making book notes now.

Jake

Cured!

2006-08-03T09:56:00.000-05:00

You know that last post? About being burned out on BDSM?

Well, I'm cured.

Batina and I did 3 scenes this weekend....one of me playing the part of the toppy type, and two of be getting hurt for the amusement of others.

And one of them was really cool because it was sensory deprevation with hurting in it too. The perfect blindfold, plus earplugs, plus ear muffs, plus gag. Next time, I want us to get a spandex hood to just compltely depersonalize me and also vet wrap my hands so that those are taken away too.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, but I'm all better now. And I know its okay to have off days.

And, I'm renewing my GD membership. I'll be down on the 12th! Hurray, Chicago here I come.

Jake

2006-07-28T14:16:00.000-05:00

Its entirely possible that Batina hit it on the head with a conversation we had about 30 minutes ago. As some of you may have guessed from the last post, I'm just really feeling the BDSM vibe in myself as of late. Which I find both disconcerting and highly annoying.

I've tried the last few days to respark the interest, hoping that I was having a momentary hiccup in the libido department. And I was sure this would work. Find a little awesome porn, find a new fantasy or fetish to mentally play around with, or just sleep it off like bad tequila. And its not really been working. I mean the goodies are working just fine, but one shouldn't have to try much harder than normal to get off when looking at and reading some of your favorite porn. One shouldn't have 4 windows open, each with a different favorite fetish, and still be working to get a firm erection rather than a half assed one. I've tried approaching my favorite fantasies from the top and bottom side. And nothing.

This is actually pissing me off alot. I mean, its one thing to have a few bad scenes, a few days of feeling off your game. Thats completely acceptable. But, this is just pissing me off.

And Batina, being the wonderful person that she is, did a little research on what I was feeling. And she thinks that I might be burned out on BDSM. And the worst part is, she very well may be right.
And really what she told me, and my quick research (which will likely be confirmed by more indepth research) tell me I have 2 basic options.

One is I can tone down the BDSM or temporarily eliminate it. Just give myself a rest for awhile. Just not play, or attend munchs or maybe even skip conventions till the spark comes back. Wait a few weeks or months till the spark comes back on its own.

Option 2 is that I spend some time trying to remember why I like BDSM. Go back over old checklists, remember and focus on good scenes, try to rekindle my interest in the scene and push away or eliminate the parks causing me stress.

And I am sorely tempted to try my own option 3. Which would be to say that the idea that I'm tired of BDSM is crap. To throw myself even more headfirst into the scene. To hide any feelings behind a carefully constructed mask. To basically leap headfirst back in and hope for the best. And I may end up with that option or with one of the other two.

I'm not happy that I'm burned out. I don't even want to admit that I am. In fact, I'm not admitting it. I'm willing to grant that the possibility exists that I'm a little tired. But thats all.

Anyway, I have a long to do list in front of me, 3 open Word documents with some important stuff in each one of them, plans for tonight and some reading to do. So I'm going to go get started on my lists of stuff and think a little.

Jake

2006-07-26T15:18:00.000-05:00

There was a party over the weekend that I went to, but didn't really enjoy at all.

All the ussual suspects were there and I had been in a really great mood leading up to the party. I had a few scenes being negotiated, it was a chance to see some people I don't get to see often enough, and the playspace is really great. The plan was to head out there and grill out and hang out. Then possibly play and have a good time.

And I just didn't have any fun at all. I did one pretty mild brief scene with a good friend. Normally we play harder and longer, but I just wasn't feeling it and so I called it. Didn't safeword, just said that I was done during a pause in the action. And, that scene wasn't very much fun. I mean if the scale is -10 to 10 with 0 being neutral, -10 being appallingly horrid and 10 being super fabulous.....it was like a 2 or 3. Not bad, just not really all that good. I was hoping that scene would get me in a better mood but it didn't.

I was smart enough to cancel a scene that I had asked to do with Batina. I just knew if we did it, that it would end poorly. I'm very glad I decided not to play even though I wanted to and even though I really want the type of scene I asked for.

In thinking about this, I've realized that I can't remember the last private party that went well for me. Everytime one happens, I seem to have some sort of issue. Ussually a bad reaction to a scene. But every event in the past few months has started with me walking into feeling bad, feeling off, feeling that things somehow aren't right. And each time, things seem to go badly.

And I know that its bringing down other people. I mean, parties are like that. One sad person is infectious. Right now, I'm considering whether I even want to go to the next party, whenever it is or even go to the next big event (KinkyKollege). Everytime I go, it seems to end badly, so better to just skip it is my thinking.

Right now the munch is on an every other week schedule rather than weekly. And tomorrow we have a munch....I'm thinking of not going. Just finding something else to do with tomorrow night. I just can't seem to get interested and happy (at the same time) about BDSM recently. And I'm not exactly sure what to do either.

Anyway, I'll figure it all out eventually.

Jake

I'm back

2006-07-22T14:04:00.000-05:00

And once again, Jake has failed to update his blog for, um, like forever. But, I'm back in a blog writting mood and I always loved writting here when it was a good habit, so yeah, we'll see how this goes.

First, had a wonderful date with Batina the other night, good times were had by all.

Second, because there is a just and loving god, I picked up my new car a few hours ago. Its a beautifully maintained Mazda 626 with lots of cool features. And its only about $200 more than my settlement. And I was looking at cars that were as much as $800 more than my settlement (plus tax, title, plates, etc) which were much less fabulous. Now I get to show it off. The sale went so smoothly, I am so happy that little bit of my life is over with.

Thirdly, hopefully, soon, like sometime next week, I will be able to move my primary residence back to my apartment. Which is good because all my stuff is there and I need to spend more time there and I want to get out of my parents place.

Fourth, I have a meeting with the chair of the department at school later this week to see about making the process of finishing a little easier. Hopefully, it will go well.

And lastly, I have a party tonight. At the same place and approx. the same time of year as my very first pervy party. Hopefully I'll have fun stories of that soon enough.

Well, time to go get something tasty to bring to the party and then get dressed. I will try to update more often in the coming days.

Jake

S is for stupid

2006-06-28T12:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was in many ways a red letter day. If the Red Letter is S for stupid.

I lost my Debit card at the mall. The place I get my hair done has a shitty card reader and so I had to use the ATM to get them cash. Which would be great if somewhere between the ATM the store and the door, I hadn't lost the card. But it was okay, I realized it soon enough to get it from mall security (the director of mall security must have a very very small penis if the gaudiness of your hat and uniform are any measure). I got my card back, called some people, hit another ATM (needed cash for drinks in the fruit loop) and drove to Andrew.

Except I left the card in the second ATM. Yes folks, I lost the same debit card (which I've had for years) twice in a 12 hour period....the second time, I hadn't even had the card for a full 30 minutes before I lost it. I was so busy on the phone that I ignored the loud beeping which occurred after I grabbed my cash and jumped into the car. Yeah.

Then, over dinner with the wonder twins (who aren't related and look nothing alike) and Andrew, I found out I had been subpoenaed. A guy vandalised a van at work back in september. And rather than pleading down to disorderly conduct or 4th degree lewd conduct with a kitchen appliance, he's going to court. After apparently firing atleast 4 public defenders and decieding to represent himself once every two weeks. My plan is to show up to court in ripped jeans and a hat that says "fuck you" on it. Then I'll say, when asked the first question, "I plead the 5th, until we work out the matter of this "Witness Fee" that your subpeona talked about". Thats when I'll get thrown in jail for contempt. Really, this case should have been plead out for the cost of damages plus a 500 dollar fine.

And last of all, I found a very nice present for someone. But I was unable to obtain it without my card. However, Andrew has come to the rescue on this.

Yes, yesterday was a red letter "S is for Stupid" day. Today i plan to spend the day looking for cars and then hanging with old co-workers who also have been ordered to court. Then Andrew and I might actually make it to the Fruit Loop.

Jake "S is for Stupid" Bullet

I'm back

2006-06-27T17:51:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems that I've let my blog get way too dusty. Which is less good. And in many ways I've missed the opportunity to write. To process things by writing them down, to share funny stories and to just send whatever passes for coherent thoughts in my mind float out into the blogosphere.

Well, that and it was suggested by people that I resume blogging.

So yeah, here I am.

And, I'm not sure what to write. Which is somewhat amazing when you think about it. Alot has happened since my last entry. And, yeah, I don't know what to write.

So, I'll blog later tonight or tomorrow. Andrew and I are going boy hunting at what passes for gay leather bars in the area.

Jake

2006-05-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

I was in the middle of making the bed, but then I realized I just want to write. And I owe it to some people in my life to write about some stuff. So this may have a sort of stream of conciouness feel to it, hopefully its readable.

-I'm over at Sally Jane's place, I'll be leaving in like 3 hours, but I only have maybe 45 minutes worth of tasks to do and thats if I move at a slow pace. So I'm not worried.

-I'm getting more and more concerned about my appetite of late. See, since approximately when I started a new medicine, my appetite has gone down like 50-67%. I'm only eating half to a third of what I normally eat. And part of me says "well its not like you don't have ten's of thousnads of calories stored around your midsection, so just don't worry about it.". And I have lost a significant amount of weight both in terms of pounds and in terms of inches over the past few weeks. Which is good, I need to lose weight. And this isn't like the med I tried like 4 years ago which made it absolutely impossible to eat for a week. I can eat, I sort of want to eat, but not really.....its just, I look around at various kitchens and resturants and delivery places and see nothing I want.

-The other day I went out to dinner with Andrew and I wanted comfert food. So, we go to the chain of pasta stores and order my ultimate personal comfert food A large order of Mac and Cheese, Chicken on the side and evtra cheese. Cool, right? I grab choptix (look its a thing, leave me alone) and toss the chicken in the pasta and begin to eat. And I don't want any more of it at half way. It pretty much tastes fine, and I'm with good company and the discussion isn't such that I can't split my attention between Andrew and my food. But I decide to keep trying to pick at food. And in the end, I *can't* eat any more, I don't want anymore and just looking at it is making me slightly sick. And there is still a third of the dish in the plate. And for the record, I have *never* ordered that dish and not finished it easily. I'm getting slightly concerned. But I can't shake the voice that says "Um, dude, you need to lose weight badly, like medically, so don't fuck with something thats thinning you out". Oh well.

-Tonight, Batina and Sally Jane and I are going running, we're training for a marathon, the Chicago marathon. Later this week we will sign up for the marathon with the non-redundable, no-transferable, pretty up there cost. So its either run it or blow the cash. If I can run a marathon, I can do anything.

-In about 5 minutes, I'm going to use WebMD or something to learn more about the new meds.

-Then there was the party yesterday. Which went....less well, which is my doing. It was a fun party. A bunch of pervs including Jakc, Batina, Sally Jane, me, Sally Jane's new boy, and serveal other good pervy friends. And somewhere in between walking in and half way through, I went from in a good mood and talking and being social and all that jazz, to completely flat. I was in such a funk that I was bringing down the entire mood of the party. And everyone saw it. And everyone asked about it. And Sally Jane and Batina tried the little things that normally help perk me up (playing with the back of my head, giving me a micro endorphin rush by twisting my nip, etc). And nothing helped. And I just sat there the whole party, bring everyone down, not saying anything, with a long face. And I feel bad that I fucked up the party. And I know Sally Jane and Batina are worried about me, which is totally understandable. And everyone, including me, is confused because I don't know why or how or when it happened. And so, now I'm here, spewing in my blog because I don't know what to say or do. I need to find a way either not to be flat, or to quickly recover. Grrrrr.

-Later this week, its time to get better running shoes and the training book we are using on running a marathon. Myabe I'll hit up Amazon and order now.

-My parents and I still have hours of "discussions" left to have which thrills me to no end. I just want a car to use, and to be back at my own house again. Grrrrr.

-I need to talk to Andrew and figure out if Saturday works for him.

-The weirdest thing about not eating, is that I'm hungry, sort of, but I don't want to eat. In fact in the last 24 hours, I've had a few beers, a few Rockstar's, a gluecose tab, and a small amount of baked beans. Oh, and a few strawberries with a bit of cake/tor/pie thingy. Thats not alot. Thats alot less than normal. And I keep looking around for something I actually want to eat, and I see nothing even remotely appetizing. Nothing. This is getting odd.

-I wish I had answers for Sally Jane and Batina about yesterday. And I wish I had some answers for when even more people start asking me about the party come munch time. And I wish I had answer for myself. Grrrrrr. Becuase I know Sally Jane is confused, and I know that Batina feels me mentally screaming into her ear. And I know everyone else is wondering a combination of "whats wrong with Jake/Did I do something?". And I can do is say that I don't think it was driving over (I don't like cars but I freak out whenever I have to be a passenger) which I know Sally Jane worried about. And I don't think that anyone did or said anything thing messed with my head. So, I'm leaft pretty sure it wasn't 2 things, but without even a good theory as to why I was so off my game.

-I should go work on chores and then grab a shower and then get ready to head over to Batina's for our run. Me thinks that it would be easiest for us all, once we figure out how long all of this takes us to do, to scheudle it into our various calanders the same as an appointment or a date.

Alright, time to be productive.

Jake Bullet

2006-04-28T11:01:00.000-05:00

Randomness.

Thoughts of the day are as follows:

-I *can* use my current parking sticker on the shitty minivan that I am stuck in. I don't even have to visit the police station I can just write in the information myself. W00t! This means as soon as possible, like, um, Saturday, I am getting out of my parents house.

-I think I'm driving my parents just as nuts as they are driving me. And talking to my father this morning, he says we need to have a "discussion" but my lifestyle (i.e. my social calander and my sleep times.) Problems with this are, I've been (generally) going to bed at midnight/1-ish and waking up at 8or for several weeks now, I dunno what they are bitching about. Problem the second, my social life is actually tighter and more scheudled out now than it ever has been. What do my parents think just because I don't call them from my own apartment and say "Hey just as an FYI, I'm going for drinks and not sleeping at my own house tonight", that it doesn't happen?? WTF. Also, if they want me to do boring, mindnumbing tasks that they only mention offhand once every 3 weeks, then they need to more firmly remind me to do it, otherwise, it ain't getting done. Additionally, since when did my social schuedle or sex life become there business?? And, since when do I need permission to walk of a room to take an important phone call?? Grrrrrr. I'll be out soon and a much happier boy.

-Next, Sally Jane looks happy and that makes me happy. Yeee Haww!!!

-Next, I'm going to spend a fair amount of my day cleaning, and I'm okay with that.

-Next, I nearly have a very important letter finished. Need to run it by Jonathon and probably Batina/Sally Jane, but its looking good.

-Next, mentally taking alllllllllll of yesterday off was very good for me, I was able to be happy, pleasent, conversational and give good massages at the munch yesterday rather than being flat and negative.

-Next, I need to write an e-mail to Batina/Sally Jane. Thats right after the letter is done.

-Next, this laptop is very hot, I am not even going to set this thing on my bare legs and type. can we spell 2nd degree burns?

-I have awesome green/yellow/purple bruises on me....and thats hot. Hey, Mr. Ninja, next time I'm in Chitown, want to do a straight up punching scene???

-Next, I need to call my doc re: massive appitite changes.

-Next, I need to buy a book called "The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer"

-Next, Yesterday I decieded to train to run a marathon with Batina and some others. I don't care how long it takes to finish, but fuck, if I can finish a marathon I can fucking to anything.

-Next, Henceforth, Batina's new boyfriend (okay they have been seeing each other for awhile, but whatever) will henceforth be known as.....Jack....because thats nothing like his name. Sally Jane's new possible boy toy will get a name soon enough, if he keeps being the awesome person we all think he is.

-Next, I need to find some casual way of letting Sally Jane's new boy toy know that if he hurts her even a little, even on accident, even if its only for a fraction of a moment, then I'll break every bone in his hand. I think thats fair? Right? :-D

Okay, I could keep "Nexting" (which is an old debater thing for when we forgot whether we were on point 13 or 14 and just stopped numbering) all morning, but I want to be productive. So....

Toodles!

Jake Bullet

2006-04-26T14:19:00.000-05:00

Well, I just got done meeting with a psych guy regarding ADD. And it was a fairly productive meeting, so yeah there's that. I'll be seeing him again next week to start working.

I'm still dealing with this ridiculous insurance thing. What pisses me off the most is if they had said "Hey we broke your part, but weren't going to fix it, so go fuck yourself", well then I could have just gone and taken care of it right away and it would only cost 100 bucks. Not the obscene amounts this is going to cost. But I've got a few options and so I'm going to keep working those angles.

I feel kind of weird lately. Just kind of mentally out of it. But, that'll come and go, so I'm not all that concerned, its just a little annoying. And for no reason I can discern, my appetite is fallen alot. Like I'm sort of hungry, but I don't want anything to eat. Its weird.

But oh well, I have a letter to write to insurance people today, and something to write up for Batina and Sally Jane and also a thing for the new pysch guy. So I guess I'm going to go write. But first, I'm going to go wander around the kitchen and not find anything to eat again.

Jake Bullet

Mentally whacking off

2006-04-25T13:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, fine, we can all admit, I don't want to be at my parents house right now. I miss my things, my set up, etc. But I can't do anything about it. So its time to stop mentally masturbating and just get some stuff done.

I've moved all my ADD books into my temporary room, I've started a folder on the computer where I can keep my stuff and I've got a very important appointment tomorrow. I can still get alot of stuff done at my parents house. I may not like being here, but whining about it gets me no where. And is unproductive. And is probably annoying to the people around me.

So, on todays agenda we have the following:

-Take Amen's test then read his book
-Make notes of small items you want to get before school (special alarm clock, timer, new organizational scheme, etc)
-Go back to dealership to deal with car (short version, Valvoline broke my car to the tune of $1300-$1800....they want to give me $105 and a can of STP....we are in negotiations and I have no car now.)
-Make notes for possible book (maybe do a version of it as an indy study at school???) on ADD

I may not be at my house, but I can be productive just the same. Oh and I need to remember to eat. I completely forgot to eat anything at all yesterday....not good for stomach.

Oh, and anyone with ADD who reads this, feel free to offer advice or drop me a note, I can always use more information.

Okay time for work....and pasta.

Jake Bullet

ADHD

2006-04-24T23:30:00.000-05:00

Well, it appears that I haven't really posted anything in over a month. Which is unussual for me.

But its been pointed out several times recently that I haven't been blogging at all of late. And, to be honest, I miss the opportunity to write, to vent, to mentally explore ideas, to comment on my own life and my friends lives. Lately, I've missed it more than before and so here we are once again.

Why did I stop blogging for 6 weeks? Well, several reasons. Sometimes I just don't feel like writing anything, sometimes I forget, sometimes I don't have time. And all of those reasons have occured at one point or another recently, but its really not the main reason. I got out of the habit because I didn't want to write about something specific and habits/rituals are good things for me. They help me keep things in track.

What didn't I want to write about? Well, I dropped out of school in early Feburary.

I dropped out of school. I dropped out because I had reached a point at which it was less productive for me to be in school than to drop out. My grades had been steadily falling, my attendence was horrid, and I couldn't keep track of the day to day details in my life. And its because I had unmanaged, unmedicated ADHD.

I've had ADHD since I was 8, but starting Sophmore year I stoped taking meds and I didn't have any coping strategies.

So I've been spending the time since then seeing doctors, reading books, learning about ADD, and trying to get ready for when I go back. I now have a PDA, a purse (god do I love having a purse!), alot of other small things to help me cope. And I've made alot of good measurable forward steps and I still have more to do.

But yeah, Batina and Sally Jane and I are still having huge amounts of fun, and they are the two best allies I could ever ask for. I'm planning on going to Shibaricon in a few weeks. I've done alot of really good stuff lately. I've hit some road bumps, but I'm working with those. Working on becoming mentally healthier and learning how to drive the race car that is my mind.

So yes, I will try to bring blogging back into my life. And try to keep it interesting for all who still read. But yeah, I'm back and I'm getting better than I have ever been.

Jake Bullet

2006-04-06T11:55:00.000-05:00

Still have the plague, and its getting worse not better. Therefore, I am going to the urgent care clinic in about 20 minutes.

And (this hella sucks) I can't go to the munch tonight. I almost never miss them and I am already pissed that I can't go, but I know after an hour or two I'd feel like microwaved poop and I might infect all my friends. But I still reserve my right to pout about the fact that I can't go hang with my friends.

On a lighter note here are the last 5 songs I've listened to on my computer

-Theme to Brokeback Mountain
-You spin me right round (The 80's are coming back!)
-Swing Life Away by Rise Against
-Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie
-Let's Push Things Forward by The Streets

I have an odd collection of music

Jake

productive

2006-03-29T23:36:00.000-06:00

Today was supposed to be a productive day.

I was going to pick a cell phone (for when I switch in a week or so), learn more about possible PDA's, attend a very important meeting to get answers to a problem I have, and do some more reading. Supposed to.

Here's what happened.

-The only solutions that the meeting offered would make my problem worse not better, once again, I don't fit in the mold. And thats probably my fault.

-I can't pick a phone because I can't find out which ones are relaiable (I want an inexpensive one to come with the plan, so I'm very limited in the choices)

-I didn't get any research done on PDA's....the one I want is too expensive for the money I have available. So I need to keep looking. Hurray for me.

-Three books and a hat came in the mail. The problem is one of the books is written by a woman who I think is pyschotic (and I only skimmed her ramblings), another is written by guys with real problems making me feel like a whiner for even bringing mine up, and the 3rd is too short to offer any help. Plus I look terrible in the hat.

Today's been great, just great. Tomorrow's looking even better.

Jake

2006-03-24T19:34:00.000-06:00

Today, I realized that 75 percent of the keys on my key ring were useless. Keys to old cars, old offices, a bike lock I no longer have, old houses and sveral that I have no idea what they were ever for. So I got a new system and dumped 12 useless keys. I still have them, just in case....but now I'm only going to carry the essentials.

Oh yeah, and tomorrow....Andrew and I are going purse shopping.....for me. I just need more storage space.....I'm manly enough to be able to carry a purse.

Jake

Screw you Sprint, I'm going home

2006-03-22T18:11:00.000-06:00

Screw you Sprint!

I'm done with sprint, done. Absolutely completely done. I'm sick of bad reception, dropped reception, incoherent billing, pricey service, dropped calls and all of it.

Sprint can officially eat my ass. Its time for the good people of Sprint to play my favorite game....Hide and Go Fuck Yourself.

T-mobile is out too, Andrew has toooooo many horror stories already. So I am going to take an hour sometime tonight to compare US Cellular and Cingular. And soon I will pick one and switch.

(In defense of Sprint, when I went to the store about an hour ago, they were able to give me 500 additional anytime minutes for the month, giving me around 200 minutes to actual use in the coming days. Buying those minutes also changed my bill from about $140 to $50. But, other than that they suck.)

If anyone has suggestions on which company is better, I'd love to hear. All I want to do is make calls....I don't care about ringtones, games, text messaging (I *maybe* send 5 of those a month), or anything fancy. I just want uber minutes for low price and a huge block of time listed as Night and weekend/unlimited use.

Stupid bloody phones.

I'll blog more later.

Jake Bullet

2006-03-18T12:15:00.000-06:00

Well, that was certanly odd.

I just had a dream, that I did bear role play. Wearing a bear skin rug. With a real bear in the room. Apparently we ate jam together. No, it wasn't a "hey this sounds fun" thing.....I thought the bear would eat me if he thought I was a human. Dreams are weird.

Quote of the Day (from a few days ago)Sally Jane: (On Prostitutes on the street) If they've got all there teeth, she's a cop. If they've only got 3 or 4, then she's a crack addict and its okay.

Not sure I completely agree, but it sounded funny.

Okay, time to go prepare for a very busy day.

Jake

WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-15T00:35:00.000-06:00

Its technically Wednesday. And we allllllllllll know what Wednesday means.

If I can make it without smoking all of today (Wednesday) then it will officially be a month of no smoking. Thats right, 30 days. No smoking. And until Monday, I hadn't so much as touched a pack, much less even touched ciggerette. I think I'm nearly ready to call myself a nonsmoker.

30 days. Sweet freakin Jesus, I didn't think I could do it. I mean, wow.

Thanks Sally Jane and Batina, for helping me along.

Jake

::doing a little dance::

Doing my part to fuck Bill Napoli

2006-03-14T13:51:00.000-06:00

I'm doing my part to screw over Bill Napoli, the fucker from SD. If you haven't heard, look here

Bill Napoli (R-SD)

napoli (not to be confused with the proper noun, which indicates the Italian city)

Function: verb

Inflected Form(s): napolied

Pronunciation: nA'poli

1. To brutalize and rape, sodomize as bad as you can possibly make it, a young, religious virgin woman who was saving herself for marriage.

2. To hella rape somebody.

Etymology: From State Senator Bill Napoli's (R-SD) description of an acceptable rape that would merit an exemption from South Dakota's abortion ban.

Example of usage: "Did you hear? Laura's dad totally napolied her, but according to Utah law, she still has to obtain his permission before getting an abortion."

Broom Fucking

2006-03-13T14:41:00.000-06:00

Well fuck me sideways with a dry broom handle, splinters are a plus.

Anyone want to guess what tomorrow is? I mean besides me having dinner with R.

Give up? Well tomorrow is the day to see the regular doctor. For the 10,000 mile checkup so to speak. Grrrr. This is going to be less than fun. Why? Well, the absolutely wonderful cuts on my back that Mr. Ninja and Sally Jane made at the last convention....yeah, those are totally visible on my back. Now, I love the cuts. I knew it was a risk when I asked them to do it. But, I was hoping not to have to explain it to a general practioner.

But I will, I'm prepared for it. I know how I plan on explaining myself. I'm not ashamed of my interest in SM. But right now I kinda wish I had like a big butchy lesbian for a doctor instead of Mr. White Bread Vanilla himself. Oh well, if he can't deal then we do this thing and find a guy who can handle it. I'm playing good money for him to preform service.

Still, they are beautiful cuts. :)

Jake

2006-03-12T16:18:00.000-06:00

What a weekend. I mean wow.

I'm just not ready right now to blog in depth, so here are highlights and a short to do list.

Sally Jane and I getting into a not good thing because we hit upon some new feelings and emotions and whatnot which neither of us anticipated. A solid hour of corner time (12 minutes was the previous high) to cool down and a good 3-way talk afterwards helped lots.

One of the heaviest scenes I've done, hard, fast, stingy, and very cathartic. Halfway though the scene Sally Jane and Batina needed to take turns counterweighting the cross I was on, because I was pulling back so hard I nearly flipped it over. Oh, and yeah I was screaming at the top of my lungs every obsenity that I could think of. And crying, which I have *never* done in scene. Audience was impressed. But, yeah, that was actually really really good for emotional release and trying new things.

Me learning more and more (as I always do with Sally Jane and Batina) about being a good submissive versus the friendly neighborhood bottom.

Oh, to do list:
-E-mail host and audiance (from heavy scene) letting them know I am okay and thanking them for helping
-Check in with Sally Jane and Batina later tonight and tomorrow
-Let our friends R and J know everything is alright (they were there for Sally Jane and I hitting a bad spot)
-Set up dinner date with R to talk with her and get helpful advice
-Clean out car
-Clean room

Okay, time to rest a little, more blogging later.

Jake

Weekend

2006-03-06T21:27:00.000-06:00

Saturday and Sunday were quite nice indeed.

I headed over to Batina's house late Saturday afternoon and had the opportunity to cook for them which was a great deal of fun. And I got to actually really cook. In a proper kitchen with proper ingredients. Sally Jane and Batina seemed to enjoy the food, and I found out how weird it feels to eat on the floor while everyone else gets to use the table. Embarassing, but in that funny squirmy way.

Afterwards, well, afterwards was desert. Delicious chocolete and carmel flavors. I can't take credit for making desert, but it was delicious.

Sunday was also fun....breakfast out with Batina and Sally Jane and then I was a stunt butt for a quick flogging lesson. Then time to head out.

Then I joined up with Andrew. We went out for dinner at our favorite resturant, and then went back to his place to watch the Oscars. Before Oscar time we watched Jim Gaffigan on DVD and I nearly wet myself laughing. Andrew and I then had fun watching most of the Oscars and then I came home and slept.

All in all, it was a good weekend. A very good weekend indeed.

Jake Bullet

2006-03-03T17:07:00.000-06:00

Shopping today.

Here's where I've been and what I got. I am a total perv. And as ussual, I got a number of looks at my TwistedMonk shirt.

School Bookstore
-Foreceps for Sally Jane
-Chocolete

Dom Depot (aka Home Depot)
-100 feet of rope
-Latex tool dip (for rope ends)
-Electrical tape (for marking rope)

Large Chain bookstore
-Got nothing, but asked about Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook

Local Queer Bookstore
-Gay Pride Flag Sticker for my car
-Pin with fabo saying on it
-Copy of "The New Topping Book"
-Requested they order Wiseman's book and a leather pride flag sticker for me.

I love shopping. Sally Jane are going Camera shopping later today and may end up stopping at the pet store, for, um, things.

I love being a perv.

Jake Bullet

2006-03-03T02:42:00.000-06:00

I am wearing a very cool piece of neck jewelery right now. (If you are confused, think about the kinds of stuff I do on the weekends) Why? Crazy new relationship? Major life change? Other huge thing.Nope, not today anyway.

Its Batinas, she wanted to see if it would fit me and I ended up wearing it all throughout the munch. What does it mean? Right now, nothing more than a friendship. Its not "my" collar. It wasn't made just for me. I imagine I'll be wearing it alot when we three (Batina, Sally Jane and I) play, but for now, its just a collar.

On the other hand, how fucking hot is it to just be grabbed by the collar and pulled close to someone??

One day I am going to have a totally awesome, deeply meaningful, special, all the time collar.....but todays not that day.....and I'm surprisingly okay with all that. Now I just have to remember to bring the collar with me Saturday

Jake

2006-03-01T11:40:00.000-06:00

I haven't updated recently. And its been because I've been in a little bit of a mood lately. I don't know why, but it just happens to me sometimes. And if you've tried calling recently, I've had my phone turned off for awhile. No, I've payed the bill. It's just that, well, I haven't wanted to talk recently, and I've been avoiding the Parental Units. SO I shut off the phone. My e-mail still works just fine however

However, this evening my friend R and I are going to grab coffee and possibly food as well. Discussions will likely ensue, its possible plans to overtake a small third world country will be delevoped. I'll let y'all know.

I will be out at Thursday, promise.

Last updates comment? Well, um, Sally Jane pegged it. Its mostly due to Sally Jane and Batina.

We three played Friday night. It was pretty much all puppy play. And it was alot of fun. I got so into the role I stopped thinking in words for awhile, which was uber hellacool. And then, even though puppies don't get to play on the furniture, I got to crashed with Sally Jane and Batina in the bed(no, no funny business) and then we hung out and played the next morning. And amoung the highlites was the following: learning to give good foot rubs (I'm not really a feet guy), learning to bathe feet with my, um, tongue (seriously, I'm not a foot guy, I do it because others enjoy it), and playing fetch with one of my own, um, *insertables*. I also learned that apparently as a puppy I bite alot. But yeah, it was good times, even if I did hurt my knees a bit during the playtime. I think I want to do puppy play again.

But yeah, for now, I think I'm going to go to a bookstore and buy a few books. I'm thinking 1984 and Brave New World. Not the cheeriest in the world, but I want to reread them.

Jake Bullet

2006-02-26T11:56:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wonder whose dick I sucked in a previous life to be as lucky as I am.

Jake

2006-02-22T07:18:00.000-06:00

So, awhile ago I got off a 3-way call between Batina, Sally Jane, and me (Jake Bullet). And it was a delightful conversation in a number of ways. There was playfulness, some teasing, new concepts explored, etc. Wonderful, right? Yes, but the fact remains that I'm a little scared now. And its a good kind of fear, not the "something truly bad is likely to happen" kind, but still, I'm feeling a touch out of it. Why? Well....

This Thursday, after briefly appearing at the munch, Sally Jane, Batina and I were going to take an acquaintance back to Batina's loft so that she could experiment with being a Top. I was going to be the bottom for the evening and it sounded like alot of fun. I always enjoy letting people see things for the first time on me or being a demo subject. Its just plain ole fun to help others expand there perversions. But, due to scheduling concerns, and other such things, that event will have to be delayed for the time being. However, later in the conversation, we turned to an interesting, if not scary, idea.

I've mentioned to Sally Jane and Batina something that I normally don't share with alot of other perverts. I really want to be a number of things in my life, and what I really want to be (in the SM world) is someone's "house pet" for lack of a better term. I want to be someone’s and to be "owned" for lack of a better word. And we three were discussing this "house pet" notion and Batina (I believe) asked when my spring vacation was. And for various and sundry, that date wasn't going to work. So a weekend was suggested. And tentatively agreed by all to be an intriguing idea. But for what you're asking.

For me to be the "house pet" of Batina and Sally Jane for a weekend at Batina's loft.

Hot? Yes. Exciting? Yes. Deeply frightening on a variety of levels? Yeah, um alot actually.

And there alot of unanswered questions to be worked out. But I think we all have a relatively good hand on what generally will be happening. Starting at the munch Thursday and running through sometime on Sunday, I would be kept by Sally Jane and Batina. I'd perform service and likely do some SM scenes. I'd be expected to conform to certain rules and to perform certain duties. And basically be somewhere between there boy and there pet. Cool, huh?

See, if I were at all normal, I would have spent the night dreaming about what a fun weekend this will likely be. And I have been doing that to an extent. But more than that, I've been worrying about "doing the weekend" in a way that impresses and pleases Batina and Sally Jane. I've never done a scene that lasted more than about 3-4 hours. And that scene was with Sally Jane and Batina. I've never been in a 'real world, right now, this is serious' situation where I was expected to submit to any substantial degree for more than an evening or so. And so, the possibility of something starting early evening on Thursday and going to afternoon/evening/night Sunday is scary. We're talking easily 72 hours. I want to do it right, I want to be useful and impressive and helpful and alot of other things. I know that between the 3 of us there will alot of chit chatting about what this weekend would look like and when/if it will happen. And more negotiations and exploring one another and etc, which is all well and good. I just wish I could easily convince myself that I'll do fine. But, I suppose later today and Thursday, I'll get more of a chance to discuss this with Batina and Sally Jane. I'm scared, but really jazzed about this latest prospect.

Alright well, its time to go work briefly on a little assignment, and then get a little sleep. I have a secret project to work on tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I need a brownie recipe....I get to bake on Friday.

Jake Bullet

Techno

2006-02-20T00:24:00.000-06:00

I've been listening to techno for 2 straight hours. And not good techno, no no no. I'm listening to the stuff that the dirtiest Euro-trash listen to at 2 in the morning after there 5th Guinness of the night. Dirty trashy techno. And I kind of like it. Why? Eh, who knows. My music moods are pretty bizarre to be frank. Irish one day, pop the next, then rap, then Indian pop, then crazy cello music, then god only knows what. Ugh.

Alright, back to slightly more productive things.

Jake

Edited at 1:48am: I really want to smoke right now. It'll have been a week without in about 4 hours. And no, I'm not going to have one. But right now, I have no gum to chew (regular gum), I can't smoke, I really want to go outside, shiver and inhale tar. I'm not going to. I literally haven't so much as touched a ciggerette in nearly a week, but still. I want one. Grrrrrr. Stupid ciggerettes and stupid incentives for not smoking. Grrrrrr

2006-02-19T04:01:00.000-06:00

Another fabulous munch, preceded by dinner and the area discussion group. There was a nice caning demo (and no I was not the "stunt butt" for it, thank ) And then I went out to grab a quick bite with Sally Jane and Batina and some others from the discussion group. Then onto the munch. Sally Jane, Batina, and I ended up being the last people in the bar, which was nice because we all got to spend some time together. And I got to play "waitress" for everyone for a little while, fetching drinks, trying to be helpful and trying to be cute.

And I was a bit of a smartmouth (which, as usual ended with me getting hurty things put on my tongue), but mostly sort of behaved.

One thing I noticed. I can do certain things and people generally respond positively, playing off the semi cute submissive boy attitude that I'm generally rockin. And I had my arms crossed on a high table, looking up at the other people like Sally Jane and Batina, and I was sort of hiding behind my arms, blushing and squirming and all that good jazz. And I think I was generally being very cute. And for various reasons, I had to get up and someone else grabbed my seat and tried to pull off the look I was giving. And, in my opinion, it didn't work for him. And I don't know first of all if it was just my opinion or if it really wasn't working for him. And maybe it was because I was doing what I was doing because of who was around the table (namely Batina and Sally Jane). And maybe its because I'm not the worlds biggest fan of the gentleman trying to steal "my move". I dunno, it kind of confused me.

Anywho, yeah, so next Thursday, I believe the plan is for Sally Jane, Batina, another submissive who wants to learn to top and me (you know, semi cute submissive boy) to head back to Batinas loft and for the 3 of them to, well, hurt me....alot probably. I'm deeply frightened, and kinda excited.

Okay, sleeping time.

Jake

Thursday-ness

2006-02-17T10:15:00.000-06:00

Short entry, ideas will be expanded upon later.

After the munch, Batina, Sally Jane and I all headed back to the Loft, after I was instructed to grab my toybag. Much, much fun was had by all, a few pictures exist of the evenings debauchery, and I got to try a couple of new things which is always fun. I'm happily sore in a variety of new places and very tired. So, me thinks its time for sleep and then I'll fill y'all in on some of the details.

Night

Jake Bullet
http://jakebullet.blogspot.com

PS. Still haven't smoked since around 5:30am Monday morning. That's pretty good.

Stupid nicotine

2006-02-14T23:23:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah, I forgot.

I quit smoking early Monday morning. I'm firmly committed to succeeding this time.

Ciggerettes are bad for you and they make your hair stink.......or so I'm told.

Bah.

Jake Bullet

VD Day

2006-02-14T21:32:00.000-06:00

Rockin' the sixth tier. I'm with Nerdygirl on this one. Stupid VD day. Grrrrr.

In other news....ah, bah! There is no other fabulous news of any sort.

Jake

Saturday

2006-02-13T05:40:00.000-06:00

It was supposed to be a short shopping trip with Sally Jane. We were going to get her supplies (minus actual cut-ty things) for making her very own bloodsports kit. We got together around noon. Shopping finally ended at about 8 or 9 at night. After joining Sally Jane's friend Batina at the Dom Depot for a few hours, midway through the day, we went over to Batina's loft. Oh, good times were had by all since I was able to make a fast stop at home a grab my toy bag.

I had several new experiences over at the loft. First, playing without an audience. I know, its crazy!! Just the two of them, working me over, and me, wimpering, squirming and yelping in joy/pain. Second, the wonders of pesto pizza. I love pesto. Third, CBT. I have always been frightened of this sort of play, but still wanted to try it. (My personal kink motto: I'll try almost anything, twice). And it hurt for sure, but I'd totally try it again. One advantage to CBT I never really thought of until I had clothespins on my balls is this, CBT requires cute ladies (and/or gentlemen) to be handling your biscuits while hurting you. Kinda fun. Forth, wax play. I think I enjoy just being soaked in alcohol and lit of fire better, but it was still fun. For the record, squirming about doesn't seem to help because it runs all over your back.

Oh, and not like I didn't know this before, but girls like to hurt boys. And anyone who says "You hit like a girl" obviously has never been spanked with a hairbrush by a girl. Enough said.

But yeah, we're definitely going to have to have a repeat of the night.

And now, me thinks its time to get a little sleep.

Jake Bullet

One more day

2006-02-07T23:16:00.000-06:00

One more day and I'll be ready to start writing about Sinsations in Leather. Its just that I'm still physically and mentally coming down off the weekend. And trying to go to class, unpack, get my room and life back in order, see family, etc. isn't easy. Especially when one has done enough scenes to just ache everywhere.....its a good ache, but I still hurt.

And I've made a decision about my post scene reports from now on. I've played enough, with enough different people, and doing enough different kinds of play, that I see no reason to do a blow by blow account every time I get my ass beat. For something new, maybe it'll be more in depth. But I'm done writing a miniature novel (i.e. 6 solid pages about my first scene) everytime I play. Don't worry wonderful readers, you'll still get to hear all about it, just not quite as indepth.

And before I do any more writing about scenes, I want to send out thank you notes. The one time I didn't send that thank you(because I was scared and didn't know what to say), I felt kinda shitty and was never quite happy about it until I recently resolved that. So, my pervy friends, tell the people how much you enjoyed bottoming to them or topping them. It makes everybody happy and is just good practice because its nice to say thank you. No more about the weekend till those e-mails and phone calls are done.

Alright well, its getting late and I have stuff to take care of in the morning. So till then...

Jake Bullet

the weekend

2006-02-06T01:14:00.000-06:00

Like most other people from this weekend in Chicago I'll be posting more later, but heres a preview.

Cutting scene with Ninja (so cute), Mrs Ninja (the acupuncture needles were great), and Sally Jane (first time cutting for her)

Hot, heavy flogging scene with a hot gay man.

Fire and electro scene with the hairy electirc godfather.

And, demoing for Master Z's (Dallas) rough body play class. Uber fun.

And very nearly demo'ed (is that a word?) the gulliver scene for a piercing class, but time ran short.

And got to see lots of old and new friends, see cool classes etc.

Plus, because the Steelers won (boo Steelers) the Super Bowl, I will be doing a very humiliating public puppy play scene at the club in Chicago. I both love and hate this idea because I think puppy play is hot, but very embarrassing. Oh well, teach me to make bets.

Now, time to go have some more coffee with the guys who run the coffee place in the building with the security job. I'm letting them stay late in exchange for free coffee, very fair trade.

Oh and by the way, I am so played out for atleast a week. I could barely walk this morning and after the punching, oh man. I just feel like I've been through a meat grinder.

Jake

Door Shibari

2006-02-02T03:58:00.000-06:00

One last post. And only because something funny happened at work.

Somehow one of our exterior doors broke and will no longer close far enough for the lock to latch. No problem, grab a little chain and a lock and lock it to the door next to it. Happens every few months. No biggie.

Problem the first, the chains we have access to are too short by several inches. Problem the second, no locks. However, a little searching revealed 2 lengths of 12 foot nylon rope. Not as pretty as hemp, but it'll work in a pinch. Mix me, the doors, the rope, a few larks heads and half hitchs and presto! The doors are relatively secure.

The secret? Cinching with gusto!

Okay, time to chillax (yes, its a real word....its chill and relax mixed together)

Jake Bullet

T minus...

2006-02-02T01:19:00.000-06:00

Well, the bags are packed. The toybag is filled with appropriate toys. I've packed way way too many clothes. My car is gassed and ready to fly. So all thats left is to do is get a little sleep tonight and then take off to the convention. I'm quite jazzed indeed.

In other news, that second job I took a little while ago (you know, the one where the D-bags I used to work for dug themselves so deep they needed me) well, thats going well. And I'm making sweet cash there so all is good. Andrew and I are doing good things and having fun.

Last but not least, I will be away from work and from e-mail and everything this weekend. Except my cell phone, but that will only be on to get updates on the Super Bowl. Go Seahawks! And there will be no blogging until Sunday at the earliest.

Oh, and Death Cab For Cutie is my favorite new group of the week. Dawson introduced it to me and now I am getting more and more into it.

Farewell(for a little while)

Jake Bullet

2006-01-31T16:26:00.000-06:00

So, even though when I play I almost always bottom, I do identify as a switch. And one day I hope to have the skills and the community presence to be having cute boys and girls coming to me to ask for play. And there is one skill set in particular that I want to learn.
I want to learn rope. I love rope. I have a serious thing for rope, for rope bondage, for Shibari, for anything you can do with rope. Monk's hemp rope is absolutely beautiful and just the smell of it gets me in a spacy mindset. I want to learn to be a rocking rope top. I want to be skilled enough to put people up in the air with rope. And I have a plan for how to do it. I think I'm going to spend a good portion of Sinsations going to the rope classes, meeting the rockin rope tops and learning everything that I possibly can. Then it'll be time to borrow the Fairy's body for a few days and spend the time learning to tie her up. Practicing the one and two column ties, chest harnesses, hip harnesses and all that good jazz.

What I would really love to do one of these days is be able to attend one of Max's bondage classes, several of them in fact. I occasionally dream about the first time that I go up in the air with rope, and about the day that I first throw someone else up in the air. Maybe one of these days that will happen.

And for now I think I'm going to go listen to a little Death Cab for Cutie and read Midori's bondage book.

Anyone want to let a novice wannabe rope Top practice on them?

Jake Bullet

Sinsations is coming up

2006-01-30T21:57:00.000-06:00

So, I'm jazzed. More than jazzed actually, I'm hella jazzed. I know, its crazy. Why? Sinsations in Leather is coming up very very shortly. Very shortly indeed considering that I'll be in Chitown starting at 9 am on Thursday. Most of Thursday and half of Friday will be spent setting up the event and getting everything ready to go and all that jazz. Then I'll be hanging out in classes, meeting people, seeing friends and hopefully doing a few super duper scenes. But the question is, why (outside of play opportunities) do I spend as much time and money as I do on these conventions?

Well, there are really 2 main reasons. First and foremost, I want to learn as much as I can about kink. Technique, philosophy, relationship advice, theory, all of it. I want to know as much as I can about BDSM and sex positive culture. And these conventions are where its all at.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly for those keeping score at home: kinky friends. I'll admit, I'm looking for a primary partner. And I think (and other very smart people have said) that one of the best ways to meet that "magical someone" (what a blech term) is to have kinky friends. And I have alot of kinky friends. Here in my local community and in Chicago, I have alot of perverts that I'm proud to call my friends. And who knows, maybe one day, one of these friendships will end up with me meeting that special someone. But for now, I love having perverted friends.

And there's the play opportunities. Which are always fun.

Alright well, time to get sleep. I'll have some interesting stuff tomorrow.

Jake Bullet

Parental Units

2006-01-28T23:46:00.000-06:00

So, my parents (the Mom and the Dad), plus chip and dip (the sisters) as well as my grandpa just left my house. Its the first time any of them besides the Dad have seen it. And they seemed to like it. We spent most of the night engaging in idle chatter, having dinner at the little Italian place down the street and then finished up with coffee at a shop nearby. My grandfather of course, managed to spend much of the night complaining about things in a way which on the surface seems much nicer and less so that it is. But that's fine, he wanted to come, everyone else had a wonderful time and so too bad.

One of the interesting moments was a discussion of the 15 or so people on both sides of the isle who might make a run at the big chair in 2008. But more interesting was when my mother said "Jake, you're on the internet a lot. What's this blogging thing I keep hearing about?" Well, I explained it as best I could pushing the more social commentary/personal diary angle than anything else (like, oh, I don't know, BDSM perverts writing about there sex lives). And after a few minutes my Mom and Dad look at each other and nearly simultaneously ask "why in the world would anyone do that/read that? And who writes that stuff?". At which point I said "Well, I know that Dawson and I both keep them." And tried to push the social commentary, thoughts on local events, etc. angle some more. They never asked me why or what I write and I'm quite sure that they have no idea that this blog exists, but still it was an interesting little diversion.

Anywho, I'm going to go read a little and then head to bed.

Jake Bullet

The Mom and The Dad

2006-01-28T15:37:00.000-06:00

Well, the parents, along with the Grandparent and chip and dip (the sisters) are all coming over in a few hours to see the house and see me. Then its out to dinner and what not. Afterwards I may be heading to gay bars with the Fairy, maybe not. I'm not sure. Anyway, it should be an interesting evening regardless. Worse come to worse, I'll end up curled up reading one of my new books after the Parental Units leave.

Jake Bullet

Randomness number 253

2006-01-27T14:48:00.000-06:00

Again, another link. This time, Geriatric Riot Grrl. Hurray for new links. Oh, and one of the things I like best about her blog....she says "fuck off" at the end of every post. I like that.

I talked to Jonathan the other day which was nice, I'm going to make it a point to see him soon because there is some stuff I want to chat with him about and we don't see each other often enough. Plus he left something here last time he visited and I need to give that back to him.

In other news, I will be down in Chicago from early Thursday morning to late late Sunday night. I imagine that I'll have some cool stories for all of you, but I will be completely unavailable then. No cell phone, no e-mail, no blog posts. And I fully intend on enjoying myself. Where am I going to be? Sinsations in Leather, of course. I'll be helping set up and take down the event and during the actual convention itself, I'll be meeting people, hanging out with friends and other such jazz.

I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately, but now isn't the time for that. And here isn't the place. Anyways...

Jake Bullet

Borrowed from the TwistedMonk

2006-01-25T20:02:00.000-06:00

Twisted Monk wrote a few days ago:

"One of the elements of my chosen lifestyle is to unapologetically open about it. This is who I am, deal with it or move aside. Not everyone likes this, specifically members of my biological family. I’ve always been a bit “different” but they all seemed to manage better when they did not have to read about it here. Let me tell you, knowing that your parents are reading about you sex life tends to put a damper on just what you choose to write.

This is not a plea for pity, rather an apology to all of you. See, I have been pulling my punches as of late. Opting to write about the mundane rather than what I would like to out of worry that my words would be taken out of context. No more. When pressed to choose between what I hold as truth and the desires of those who would rather I slink back into a darkened, shame filled closet. I choose my morals.

And with that, dear readers, let us return to talking about topics like sex, blood, food and the joys of living the life less ordinary.

Additionally, let this serve as food for thought. No one is truly invisible on-line. No journal is truly anonymous. One day you will be held accountable for your words. The question is how will you respond? With burning shame or defiant pride?"

I like to imagine that the day I am held accountable for what I write here, for what I do in my free time, for my kinks and perversions, and for so many other things that I will respond with defiant pride.

How about you?

Jake Bullet

Lusting

2006-01-25T18:50:00.000-06:00

More awesome links!! Janesguide, b.com and janes blog.....woo hoo! Yeah for links.

Randomness: Mondays and Wednesdays are going to blow ass for me. 4 classes each day with no more than 45 minutes in between class 2 and 3. Plus class 2 and 3 might suck. But 1 and 4 look pretty awesome, so, eh, I'll manage.

Okay, yesterday I promised y'all something about my latest lust. So here goes.

I desperately want a Mini Cooper. I mean, its gotten to the truly fetish point...which is weird because I am sooooooo not a "car guy". And its ridiculously impractical. But I want one. A red one with the cool white stripes on the hood and maybe a British flag on top and cool seats and cool rims too. Every time I even see a mini on the road, I stop and stare and drool and imagine being able to drive it. And I've never done this over a car in my whole life. I mean, really, me, lusting over a car?? That's crazy talk.

One should not dream of walking out of a fetish club with fresh marks all over there body and thinking about the play date they have with some cutie bottom (We switches have to work both angles into any good fantasy......okay, I made that up), tossing their toybag in the truck and zooming off in a stick-shift Mini Cooper. That's not normal.

And for Christ's sake, I can't even drive stick!!

Help me. I don't want to end up rubbing one out over Mini pics.

Jake Bullet

New Awesome Links

2006-01-24T08:13:00.000-06:00

Hey All,

We have new awesome links. Brett and Hiromi, Nedry Girl, NY Escorts and Tambos Photos! Hurray for new links.

After my class today (eep, I have history in 45 minutes!), I'll be working more on the room, playing around with this blog (read: more links and maybe a different format) and the LJ one and doing a post on my latest lust (Hint: Its metal....and other stuff too).

Time to grab my a Rockstar and my backpack.

Jake

New Room

2006-01-23T18:32:00.000-06:00

Well, no I haven't moved, but looking at the old room versus the new one, you might think that I had.

To say that my old room was a bit of a bachelor pad is really giving me alot of credit. It was a disaster. A complete and total one. Enter the Fairy. Because its nice to be able to hang out at my place in addition to her place, I decided to toally clean, organize, debulk, deep clean and otherwise make my room habitable for human inhabitation. I spent the bulk of this past weekend, with a super ton of help from Fairy, cleaning and organizing the room. And you can see my pretty new hardwood floors now!! And I'm learning how to clean and keep things neat so that one day, I can be a better housepet! Woo hoo!

But yeah, cool new bed frame (it looks kind of like a kids bed because it has drawers underneath) a new 5 shelf bookshelf which I indeed to fill as fast as I can, every piece of furniture in a different place. Its all very good. Hopefully, I should have the last of the new items I need (small lamp, calander, etc.) plus the desk and couch moved by tomorrow. I'm very jazzed by this idea.

And I made it to the gym and all my hella awesome classes today. I'm firmly committed to going to the gym and to class this year. Firmly committed!

Now if only I could manage to learn to dance, I'd be hella awesome.

Jake Bullet

SNOW!!!

2006-01-20T18:50:00.000-06:00

Its snowing!!! Really hard!! I love snow....I mean, I really really love it when theres snow all over the ground. And the ground has been bare and ungly green for awhile now. But its snowed so hard in the last few hours that the ground is all covered. The grass is covered, the leaves are covered, the roads are covered. I love snow. Okay, time to hit the gym, I missed going with the Fairy today because I'm an idiot. So now I have to go by myself.

Jake Bullet

2 weeks eh?

2006-01-18T23:52:00.000-06:00

Well, its been 2 weeks since I posted. And thats a long time. And so, I am very sorry indeed to all the blog readers out there. Between family stuff, random life jazz, out of town travel, and falling out of the habit of blogging, its been not good. But rest assured dear readers, I'll be back to regular blog updates starting tonight. Again, mea culpa...but you're getting my thoughts for free so I don't feel too bad.

Well, whats been going on the past 2 weeks? Lots and lots!

#Went to see The Piercer with Fairy and got cut and poked (with needles and scalpels) and then watched him and the Fairy have a little fun. Good times.

#Had a nice holiday season and birthday with the family. Got to see different relatives and catch up with them and all that good jazz.

#Went to GD with Sally Jane which was just good clean fun all around. Alot of good time talking and getting to know each other better.

#Got to hang out with Dawson alot which was good. And got to meet one of his friends for awhile when he was in town.

#Went B.O.B. shopping with the Fairy which was a hoot, plus the store we went to let you try them out. Not on your bits, but you could hold them, turn them on, etc.

#Had a lovely Birthday celebration with the family which included going to my absolute favorite Indian resturant and eating curry and drinking Indian beer all night.

#Got "adopted" by one of my favorite fellow pervs (she says I'm like her little brother, which was just about the nicest thing I'd ever heard). I'm going to call her Sis just to be silly

#Got some sweet B-day/Xmaas gifts including my new favorite toy ever! 30GB iPod with video!!!!! I love this toy.

#Drank more than 23 drinks for my 23rd birthday (the fairy decided each glass was one drink.....fine for beer, less so for extra strength jack and cokes). I will never, ever drink like that again

#Took that second contract job. They are paying me about 40% of my former yearly salary for 200 hours of work, if I win. Less if I lose, but its all good.

#And Monday, school starts up, which should be pretty awesome.

And whats coming in the next few weeks? Even more good stuff!
#
Going to Sinsations in Leather where I may be a demo bunny for the Piercer in one of his classes.

#Play date with Ninja at Sinsations......mmmm, blood, needles, scalpels.....um, I need to either stop thinking about that or go rub one out. :-)

#Generally hanging with the pervs the next few Thursdays and Saturdays

#Maybe going out of town to see Jonathan, I have a nutty idea which I need to run by him.

Well, time to go play with my new toy a little bit more.

Jake Bullet

Gym

2006-01-03T08:04:00.000-06:00

I want a +1 fez of world domination. Why? Read this.

Well, yesterday was day one at the gym, and I've made several observations. Plus its not actually as bad as I thought it would be or that it could have been.

Number 1, being in a boys locker room at a nice gym is a little difficult because you had to constantly remember that any looking or staring, or offering to "help" in the shower is not appreciated. However, just taking the occasional glance makes the trip a little more fun.

Number 2, exercise isn't as bad as it could be. But thats not the worst bit. The pain/burn/hurtiness of exercising is similar enough to an S&M scene that I can concentrate on the endorphins and its not so bad. And I have a better idea of whats a good hurt versus and bad hurt, so I know that nothing I'm doing is anywhere near injury producing. I secretly hate this fact.

Number 3, having a workout buddy makes the job about 9000 times easier. Theres the motivation, the watching them suffer through the same exercises, being able to banter back and forth, and the fact that you have no good reason for shirking out then.

I think I'm going to head down to GD for my birthday this year. Well, not right on the date, but the weekend after. Jack Rinella is presenting a topic and then its playtime. Good times all around.

Well, time to find something that looks like a healthy breakfast before heading to the gym around noon.

Jake Bullet

2006-01-01T16:58:00.000-06:00

If you see signs of the Apocalypse in the next few days, you can blame me. You see, the unthinkable has happened. I'm supposed to be the plump jolly guy. Okay fine, at times I can be a bitter mean ass, but still, work with me. I'm supposed to make fun of gym bunnies and what not. I'm supposed to Well, see then this one thing happened.

I was convinced to join a gym.

I just signed up for a gym membership at a very nice place, and I even have a workout buddy, but still, a plague of locusts may descend on us at anytime.

Hopefully, I'll be able to lose some inches and gain some better upper body strength. Hopefully, I'll make it through day one without a heart attack.

Time to go find workout clothes and other jazz.

Jake Bullet

Good Day

2005-12-30T04:54:00.000-06:00

I went to the munch which was fun. I left the parents house at 8pm to go, and I got back at 4:45am. It was a gooooooood night. Lots of good talking.

Oh, and I made curry for the family which turned out really well, so I'm jazzed about that.

And I need sleep.

Jake

Ruse and relatives

2005-12-29T01:43:00.000-06:00

Well, the eloborate ruse worked. My grandpa had absolutely no idea that there was a surprise party for him and he enjoyed it a great deal. Good times were had by all.....well, except my uncle, but he very recently had back surgery and had to fly in and his back hurt. But good times were had by all others.

The relations (yes, I used that word because I'm weird, not because I don't know "relatives") are in town and I will be doing some entertaining tomorrow. And I may try cooking curry for the frist time in my life. Mmmmm....curry.

Dawson is taking my car to another state. Which was fine. Until the breaks completely failed on the car I was going to take. Not sure how I'm going to get to Chicago this weekend. Anyone up for a roadtrip?

I think I may be about to do something dumb tomorrow, but I'm committed to doing it.

Jake Bullet

Post Xmas

2005-12-27T10:24:00.000-06:00

Well, no ones killed anyone over the holidays, right? There were no screaming matches which where augmented by liberal amounts of eggnog? No yelling of phrases like "I wish your mother had never farted you out of her womb!"? No? Good, excellent. Moving along.

Well, as per usual, it has taken Dawson and I about 3 days to realize why we moved out. Here are the variety of things we have been scolded for:

#Dawson's haircut (it looks like a drunk person cut it, and thats probably what happened, but he likes it and frankly looks good in it)
#I don't "properly sleep in the bed" (I refuse to use flat sheets because I don't like them, just a comforter and fitted sheet, and apparently this is bad.....and I've been doing it for 10 years, so this is news to me)
#Dawson and I are both leaving town for New Years (drinking a bottle of champagne and hitting the sheets at 1am isn't appealing to either of us. He's heading to Iowa, I'm headed to the perv club)
#Language. Okay, this one I'll cop to. The phrase "Eat my ass" isn't very nice, but I say it with love and affection ::sweet puppy dog eyes::
#Grandpas party. I'm not even going to discuss this. There is just way too much effort going into the surprise aspect.

Anyway, Xmas went well. Many gifts I am hoping for will likely arrive in about 3 weeks due to it being the anniversary of my birth. I don't want a party. I just want someone to tie me down and hurt me till I cry, then hold me and kiss away tears. And an iPod. Thats ALL. And for the record, I am 21. And not for the first time. I'll be 21 till I turn 65 and am eligible for a Senior discount. 21 damn years old. And I don't need any lip about it.

Xmas Dinner went very well. Dawson ate some bad tort the night before and was out of commission for helping, but The Dad stepped in nicely. And he had no comments about my kicking new apron. And he was more than happy to play a supporting role and follow directions. The food was excellent, I stayed at the dinner table long enough to sample everything and watch everyone eat for signs of anything gone wrong. When I saw and tasted everything and knew it went well, I went and laid down on a couch near the table and closed my eyes and carried on conversations whilst half asleep. Cooking for 7 hours is tough.

I think I'm going to cook stuff again this afternoon.

Seeing Dawson is grand. I miss him when he isn't here.

Um, I got some rockin gifts including an Indian cookbook (mmmmmm....erotic curries) and a "Wusthof" chefs knife. Now Wusthof is the best type of knife in the world, but an 8" Chef's Knife is $110 and thats without any wood block to hold it or anything fancy, just the knife.

So The Dad got me a very nice Martha Stewart knife that was "engraved". Here is what the "engraving" on Xerox paper read (in part) "Dear Customer, We swear this really is a Whatsit brand knife.....er Wusthof knife. We've just been selling them like hot cakes and ran out of packaging. So we called up Martha and worked out a deal to package the Whatsit brand knifes. She's kinda been down on her luck since that whole prison thing. Enjoy your German Whatsit knife".

I have to admit I did laugh at that, alot actually. And I really didn't expect a Wusthof, it was a joke on my list, but I needed a good knife.

I also got copper pans!!! How awesome, hella functional and cool looking. I am so going to be chefing it up next semester.

Its been a good holiday so far. Toodles.

Jake Bullet

YAR!!!!

2005-12-24T01:01:00.000-06:00

For those few of you who don't read Twisted Monk (and why the hell don't you) you have to check this out.

At the Security job, Andrew is about ready to stab people. To castrate them really. Why? For the second time in 2 weeks, one of our keysets is missing. Considering that our primary job is controlling access to various parts of the building and that keyset can get you in 90% of the rooms here, its not very good. Thankfully, I was not on duty when the keyset grew legs and ran off. Apperently the last shift did 6 building tours (we normally do 2-4 per shift) looking for the keys. Andrew is seriously gonna stab somebody.

I got to bake today which is great. And on Xmas, I get to spend the day cooking. Menus is as follows. Turkey with dressing in bird. Whipped potatoes (You said whipped, HA HA!). Corn. From scratch gravy. Glazed carrots. Baked Mac and Cheese (All from Scratch, plus I found some absolutely beautiful, well aged cheeses to do it with). Cranberry stuff. And rolls. Dawson is helping me cook and I am totally jazzed. I mean, like, doing actual jazz hands jazzed.

Well, time to go explore the building and look for that damn keyset, I'll bet if I find it, Andrew would blow me right in the middle of the office.

Jake Bullet

Baking

2005-12-23T10:56:00.000-06:00

I have a brand new apron.

I have nothing to do today except pick up 2 additional gifts, and frankly, I could take care of that tomorrow.

My parents have a very well stocked kitchen and so.......

I plan to spend my entire day baking. From scratch. Just because I can.

Right now my idea of heaven goes a little like this: My own Mini Cooper, a job in a proper kitchen, and a full set of Wusthof Trident knives that belong to me, and a bottle of very good Whiskey. Right now, if I had those things, I believe I could keel over and die, happy as can be.

I really need help, but for now, I'll have to be happy with just making all manner of cookies and pies.

Jake Bullet

Quote of the Day

2005-12-21T06:47:00.000-06:00

I'm bringing back quote of the day, if for no other reason than to ammuse myself.

From the Daily Show

-Stephen Colbert: After all, it was Thomas Jefferson who said "Everyone imposes his own system as far as his army can reach."
-Jon Stewart: No, that was Stalin. Thomas Jefferson said that he'd "Rather have free press and no government, than a government and no free press".
-Stephen Colbert: Well, what else would you expect from a slave-banging, Hitler loving queer?

Jake Bullet

A decision

2005-12-21T01:52:00.000-06:00

I left the non security job back in November. There were a variety of reasons why, but I didn't leave under the best of circumstances and I swore I'd never go back.

And now, they are kind of in a jam. It would have happened regardless of whether I was there or not, but I can fix it. I know that I can fix it without too much work. But, I don't care whether the problem gets fixed or not. And secretly, I'd like to see my old boss suffer a little for being an asshole. Here's the kicker.

Andrew is incharge of fixing it. And said he wants me to help. And he's been authorized to offer me certain incentives (read mad cash and certain work conditions) in order to come back for a month.

Basicially, I'd be guaranteed about 6 weeks salary just for walking in the door, plus a full additionally months salary if I meet certain targets.

I'm not sure whether to do it or not. I do get to write my own contract and don't have to deal with certain annoying details which caused the leaving, but still.

I'll keep everyone up to speed.

Jake Bullet

What a night

2005-12-17T02:59:00.000-06:00

What a night. Normally, one is supposed to go out, drink, get food and then go home. Not repeat the same thing twice. But then again, I've never let words like "Normally" or "usually" get in my way. Here's how everything went down.

First and foremost, my pubic hair is intact. When I called to make appointments for the Fairy and I, I was told in a not very nice manner that this particular salon will not wax boy bits. I've been trying to figure out why.....Do some boys get hard, making things uncomfortable for the waxer? Or do boys cry or not show up or forget to grab a shower before going?? Oh well, I'm sure within a week or so the Fairy and I will make another attempt.

On to the libations.

So, it was Thursday, and that can only really mean on thing. It was time to drink. Drink and hang out with perverts. Good times indeed. And I had a lovely time. There were perverts and drinking and half naked women. For the record, having a woman I barely know show off new nipple and hood piercings used to be something to right home about. Now, its standard operating procedure. But yeah, I got to chat with alot of people, and tossed around some ideas with our illustrious group leader (more on this if it ever materializes) and generally just relax and be around like minded people. Well, then the Fairy and I went to an all night diner to grab food. And we chatted and laughed and generally had a lovely time. And by the time I took her home, I was tired and a little buzzed from the night.

Well, as I was almost home my phone started vibrating, telling me I had a new voicemail. It was Andrew, he had called hours earlier looking to drink. But for some reason I didn't get the voicemail till nearly midnight. Oh well, I called him back and told him I'd be there in 5 minutes. So we drove around and headed to a club that I have drive by dozens of times without ever knowing it existed. And apparently, Thursday is "gay night" at the club. Where every queer within 10 miles heads over for extremely loud music and absolutely delicious looking bartenders. And its not in the fruit loop which was a little weird. And so we went, and hung out and managed to chat which was great. And what was also nice was I saw an old friend, the first person who ever put me in any kind of bondage ever (fist mitts, with locks on, on the first date, I know....stupid, but hot). And I got to talk to that boy a bit, now time to decide whether or not to call him, I dunno if I will. But yeah, good times, Andrew and I left a little before last call, and once we finally regained our sense of hearing, I dropped him at his place and headed back to mine.....completely exhausted.

But it was a good night. And odds are the Fairy and Andrew and I will go drinking on Monday in the fruit loop as the Fairy and I have started doing. And after hitting the Munch Thursday, Andrew and I will likely end up back down in the fruit loop. Good times.

Well, time for me to pretend to be doing work.....stupid work. Till later.

Jake Bullet

Sometimes I'm not bright

2005-12-15T04:10:00.000-06:00

Well then. So, you see, the thing is.....I can often easily be convinced to do foolish things. Drink too much, wear funny hats, or engage in unusual sexual practices. Normally, none of these things hurt much nor do I regret them afterwards (usually).

Unfortunately, I did agree to do something fairly stupid about a week ago. And today is the day it will be done......in all likely hood. I agreed to accompany a friend and get waxed.

Not like its the first time. I regularly have my eyebrows waxed to keep them well shaped and I am still quite manly thank you very much. No, no, no. The particular region to be waxed is not my eyebrows.

No, our region of interest is slightly below the waist, and well above the knees. Currently my 'pink bits' occupy that region.

Yes, I am having my pubic hair ripped out via hot wax. Am I crying about it? Not yet. Will I be driven to drink because of it? Very likely. Was this a very stupid idea? Yes, yes it was.

The ONLY reassuring thing is that previously, having my eyebrows waxed, combined with the proper breathing and a little mental work usually puts me in a very light sub space. The pain is just right to get those nice heady endophins kicking. Hopefully, when some evil Russian woman rips out my thatch, I'll get a similar endophin kick.

I think I'm going to go drink now.

Jake

fibs

2005-12-14T02:36:00.000-06:00

Like all humans, sometimes I lie. Here is a list of fibs I've tried over the past week which have failed.

-It wasn't me. (Ussually defeated with either a "bullshirt" or a raised eyebrow)

-I could give up SM any time I wanted (I ussually can't even finish saying it without seriously cracking up)

-{fill in the blank} doesn't turn me on (I never manage to say it with a straight face)

-No (People always figured out I mean yes)

-Yes (same as above, but in reverse)

-I'd never do that! (Problem being that my motto is "I'll try damned near anything twice)

Grrrr, alright too bed me thinks.

Jake

Obsessed

2005-12-04T22:38:00.000-06:00

I've been obsessed lately.

that's not at all unusual for me. Its actually normally a good thing. I get very enamored by a topic for a few days or a few weeks and then let it go. It helps me learn a little bit about alot of things. But usually I get obsessed with something political, cultural or historical. Major world events, some esoteric political maneuver or the newest curry recipe are normal sorts of temporary fascinations for me. Right now, I'm obsessed with something different.

I've been obsessed with collars. A specific type of collar really. Imagine this......but don't imagine very hard because I'll have a picture soon enough. For example, the picture right over there. Yes that one. The one of the collar on the boy. (And no, thats not me, though, truth be told, I'd fuck him.) A steel metal bar, less than 1/2 inch across thats been bent into a circle and placed around someone's neck. Add in an almost undetectable hinge and a small recessed allen screw holding it locked into place. Discrete enough to easily wear to the office and simple call "Neo-Industrial jewelry" when asked by the coworkers. Designed so its absolutely not coming off without a specially designed allen wrench to remove it. Just a simple steel ring that says so so much to the right people.

I really really want one and I don't know why. I want one and I want to wear it and never take it off. I have *never* had a thing for locking metal collars before. And certainly not as a 24/7 accessory. Don't get me wrong, the idea of being given a collar has always intrigued me and I look forward to the day I get collared, but I've always imagined it as a leather collar to be worn at home and with like minded people at munches and conventions. And without a lock. I've always been way too worried about what happens if I'm in the office and a bugler comes in to steal my shirt, then what would people say?? I mean besides "Woah, that dude just stole your shirt". They may say things like " Hey Jake, you work in a professional office...what are you doing with what looks like a collar on your neck...and why is there a lock???" That would be less than good for me as far as a job goes.

But these collars, I mean, I think they could be passed off as a "normal" piece of jewelry with a little thought and creative fibbing. "Oh yes, my partner got me that for our anniversary, its neo-industrial jewelry. I thought it looked really cool". That could explain away to the vanilla world why I would be openly wearing a collar. And to those in the lifetyle, it would simply be a collar, a semi-discrete one, but a collar none the less.

I have actually dreamed the last 2 nights about being collared with a collar like that. That's actually really the only parts I remember about the dreams. But the parts about the collar are clear as can fucking be. They were good dreams I think. I think this little obsession started when I was reading part of Jay Wiseman's book SM 101. (Absolutely great book, btw) He was describing collars and there significance, some things about different types of collars, and his views on collars. And something just kind of struck me and so I started surfing to different SM stores I knew of, looking at there collars. And I saw one at JT Stockroom that was an all metal ring with a small hinge and lock on it. That sort of started the fascination with the metal ones.

And what's funny, is the necklace I wear, well, it has been mistaken for a collar before. Its a small sterling silver row of double rings that sits very high on my neck. And it has no clasp, all there is a a small jumper ring which I need to use a needle nose pliers to slide open and closed. I can't remember the last time I took it off, but I do know that the last time I did, I felt totally naked without it. I kept reaching up to gently tug on it....something I do randomly alot of the time and I was truly confused when I would reach up for it and find nothing.

One day I hope to be gently tugging against a real collar. But for now, the necklace will do....

Feel free to share your thoughts.

Jake Bullet

Cutting....mmmmmmmm

2005-11-29T17:42:00.000-06:00

So what a freaking weekend was that, definitely better than heading out with the parents to see family.

I spent much of the weekend setting up, attending, and tearing down the Holiday Fetish Fair in Chicago. Which I will share stories of very soon. The other part of the weekend was spending several hours in a public dungeon when I am a brand spanking new member. I did two fucking amazing scenes that night at the club. First, I helped TOP a scene!! I know! Me! Mr Ninja, 2 other Doms and I all "gang-topped" Mrs Ninja for there first wedding anniversary. But that story will wait till just a little later. And stories of the Fetish Fair itself will also wait, though I will say that it was nice to see old and new friends there.

Todays story is about the cutting scene that Mr Ninja and I did after we gang topped his wife. This is the second time Ninja and I have played together and both times have been cutting scenes, which I am starting to like more and more. The Piercer was the one who initially taught Ninja how to cut, and he learned his lessons very well.

The first scene we did together was alot of fun and a perfect opportunity to "test drive" the sensations of needles and scalpels on my flesh. And it was a great scene and it left very nice, artistic cuts on my back. But this time, I think we were both in the mood for something fast, hard, and aggressive.

We got set up on a spanking bench after throwing down a drop cover and negotiating some of the specifics. Basically, my part of negotiation involved saying "Just like before except harder, deeper, faster, scarier and blooder". After stripping down, Mr Ninja did some Rough body play on my back, punching and slapping my back and ass. That really warmed my back up and got all the nerves ready and awakened. Then I got tied down to the bench with wrist cuffs and ropes holding down my legs. Then we started. And it was amazing...mindblowing and painful as fuck.

He started hard on my shoulder blades with (I think) needles cutting long hard squiggly lines into me. I was flying so hard I'm not sure of what all happened, but I do know this. He really played up the fear aspect when he was cutting near my kidneys and told me in this evil domly voice that one little extra push and the scalpel would nail my kidneys. He totally rocked the blood aspect by periodically wiping the blood off my back and forcing me to look at it, telling me that it was mine and that alot more was to come. He started hard and fast and I could fee the cuts were deeper, which was great. And in classic me fashion, towards the end I swore I would get my revenge and started cursing at him. Which is always a great sign from me that I'm grooving on the sensation and that I'm really being pushed good and hard.

Oh, I almost forgot the very best part. Once he had mostly finished his work, Ninja signed his name on me. Let me repeat that, as it bears repeating. He signed my back using a scalpel! He put his initials and the date on my left back, near the kidney. Now, lets talk about how much that is a turn on for a guy with a thing for marks. Not only did he mark me from shoulder blades to my waist. Not only did he draw a fair amount of blood and cause me the most wonderful pain. He marked me, but more than that. He made his mark on me. ::drool:: No one else walked out of the club with that type of mark. I mean, talk about your possessive, "you're mine right now" actions. Its making me hot just touching the mark. I just love that mark, thats the specialist one of the bunch.

It was just a great scene and I got alot of complements on the marks and the scene that night and the next day at the fair. I think that cuttings and bloodplay are slowly becoming one of my favorite things for a couple of reasons. First, I just find the edgeplay aspect and the openly flowing blood idea hot. I mean, I know its weird, but its hot when a guy makes me bleed, especially since I asked for me. Second, its an opportunity to get really close to the top I'm playing with. You can use a bullwhip from 20 feet away and alot of impact play is done from a few feet away. But cutting and bloodplay, you have to be close, you have to be touching each other. And thats something I really like. But I just really like the type of pain that the needles and scalpels bring out. Its sharp and heavy and hard but stays for quite awhile. Its easily controlled, but I'm not the one controlling it. I really do just love cuttings and they marks.

You know, like piercing and electro play....I swore I would never do cuttings. Now its definately near the top of my list. I need to stop turning soft limits into fetishes, it ruins the phrase "I'd never do that".

Hopefully, I get a chance to play with Ninja again and maybe I'll get the opportunity to help top Mrs Ninja again one of these days.

Tomorrow, I'm off to the munch and I'll also try to post on how the Fair itself went and what it was like to help top Mrs Ninja.

Jake Bullet

Cooking

2005-11-25T07:16:00.000-06:00

I actually ate remarkable little for Thanksgiving. Not that I've ever really viewed the day as a time for competitive eating and the lot, but things cropped up which prevented me from gorging too much.

Was it because the food is burned?

Or because there was a blazing row over dinner with the relatives?

Or am I on some new fangled diet?

Or because I was alone at my apartment, eating a turkey sub?

Well, no, it was none of those. I spent the day cooking, which normally, I leave to others on this day.

See, because of the Holiday Fetish Fair, plus some other engagements earlier in the weekend, I choose not to accompany my family to Detroit. See, since before my parents were married, before I was even a thought in there minds and before they had there current jobs, they have been making this annual jaunt to Detroit to see my fathers family. And I could actually predict, with startling accuracy, what the events of the trip will be. Where everyone will shop. Who was over for dinner. Which items were specially prepared for whom. What the general topics of conversation will be. Its a nice trip and one I have enjoyed a great many times, but I've sort of outgrown it.

So I decided to spend the day with my grandfather and cook for us. We spend very little time together and so it seemed like a nice idea. And we got ourselves a bird and I agreed to cook.

Since my parents have a much better kitchen for doing major cooking events (I think I just invented a term there), I made a motion to cook there. And everything went fairly well. We even cleaned up and my mother should come back and find her kitchen looking quite nice, and not at all like a disaster area.

The menu included:
-A small turkey, covered in various seasonings and cooked with dressing inside
-Cornbread dressing with fresh onion and pork sausage
-Garlic mashed potatoes from scratch. I modified my mothers recipe slightly, and I think I have an idea for how to make a few subtle improvements to my modifications
-Gravy from scratch and
-Corn.

We also had some pumpkin pie (store bought) and some veggies and dip to munch on during the preparation. And it should be noted that except for the potatoes and corn, I had never prepared any of the other dishes before. And the potatoes I have generally done with the supervision/assistance of my mother.

I started prepping the bird and doing the dressing at about 11am and we finally sat down around 5ish. So that's 6 hours of cooking. And there wasn't much time to sit down once the bird was in the oven, because I was constantly basting it and checking everything. Plus after the stuffing and bird were done I had to strike and reset the kitchen and I was constantly pulling out pots and pans to take care of the next round of preparation.

And it was fun. I honestly had quite a bit of fun. I love to cook when I have a proper kitchen and proper ingredients, which I had. I love to cook when I can run the kitchen how I like and when I have enough room to maneuver around. And I love to cook when I can turn it into performance art, which I was able to do because my grandfather got to see my cooking skills and there is so much leftover that the parents will be able to taste it.

But I was so freaking tired that after eating just enough to make sure everything came out well, I layed down to watch the last quarter of the game and relax and I promply fell asleep and didn't wake up for 2 hours. And then I was up just enough to finish with the second half of the dishes.

It was a nice thanksgiving all in all. And I think I'm going to try to plan more major cooking events in the future. But first, I need a 4 sided apron. After all, what's cuter than a boy who can cook in a kitchen in a little apron?

Jake Bullet

Forgot this bit

2005-11-21T07:10:00.000-06:00

Best quote from the drive by Jonathan and I

After talking with his mom on the phone about checking the internal temp of the bird with a meat thermometer.
-Jake(in a very resigned voice): Jonathan, I just....Jonathan, take this for what its worth, but never accidentally switch the rectal probe with the meat thermometer....(long sigh)...its just better for everyone involved
-Jonathan (giggling): I can't believe you said that
-Jake(still very serious and dry): See, the meat thermometer is sharp and when you're inserting it into a human colon, well, that's just a little uncomfortable for all involved, what with the perforation of the bowels and the blood and the crying and screaming. Plus then you end up with partially cooked bird parts in your ass, and no one likes that....well, almost no one...but we don't talk about those sickos (saying the sickos part in a very hauty voice)
-Jonathan (crying with laughter): partially cooked bird parts in the ass?????
-Jake: yeah, its just not tasty like that, not at all (shudders)
-Jonathan: I can't believe I haven't had you killed yet. No more talkie for you anymore
-Jake: And you try wiping the lube off a rectal probe and then jamming it in the side of a turkey, its, well, its difficult Jonathan, I won't lie to you, I've tried these things before. And lube does not make a good seasoning, better to stick to....well, you know, not lube
-Jonathan: (smacks me and laughs more)

I'm a little evil sometimes.

Jake Bullet

Jonathan

2005-11-21T02:57:00.000-06:00

Look to the right, lots of new fabo links. Enjoy in good health, more will be coming soon. I've got one or two more blogs I may add, plus several new BDSM and political links

So I picked Jonathan up from the airport today and we had many lovely conversations...about friends, which friends we thought might also be perverts (Jonathan is not a pervert, but he knows I am), our love lives, his trip, people who talk on the plane because they forgot to buy a magazine, the good old days and of course politics. Some of the winning lines of the night are as follows:

After he talked to his mom on the phone about cooking a turkey.
-Jake: Now Jonathan, you know that when you clean the bird, you can't actually use dish soap, it hurts the taste....just plain water is all that’s allowed
-Jonathan(Without missing a beat, totally sarcastic/serious): Really?? I just figured I could toss it in the dishwasher or something….

Later in the night when refilling the gas.
-Jonathan, What kind of fuel does this beast take?
-Jake (look of disbelief): Regular. Plain, ole regular. If there was anything less than regular, I'd use that. Shit, if I could get away with it, I'd fill the tank with kerosene and water, but the car people frown on that policy.
-Jonathan (choking with laughter): Kerosene and water it is....maybe I should add my gum wrapper for fiber!
-Jake: Screw your fiber!

We also talked about the confluence of small, seemingly random events that brought us to where we are in our lives. Attending the same school. Me attending a meeting. Him being convinced to go on a trip. A girl not doing her job, allowing him to take the job. Me volunteering. Him trusting me when he had no reason to. So many little things. God, what would life have been like if the line at the greasy spoon had been shorter and I had skipped his meeting??? I wouldn't be at this school. I wouldn't be a Poli Sci major. I likely would have dropped out of college altogether. He wouldn't have gotten the job that was his stepping-stone to his last 3 jobs. Half our friends would have never met one another. God, what if that line had been shorter??? Or if he had said “Screw You” when I volunteered??? I don't even know who I would be right now. Its weird to think about those what ifs. But I’m glad things turned out the way they did. Really really glad.

That’s why sometimes I thank the Gods and Goddesses above for long lines.

Jake Bullet

Update number 8374

2005-11-17T00:33:00.000-06:00

Well, here's where we are.

I recieved Chef! today which was nice and according to the Amazon people, I should be getting my books plus Newsradio and Office Space soon enough. Good times.

I will be going down to Chicago early to help set up the LeatherSins Holiday Fetish Fair and hopefully I will be staying at the House of Z while I am down there. That should be good fun. I may be obtaining a membership at GD2 while I am there, maybe not. But either way I get to see fun people and hopefully buy a few fun things. On the "To Purchase" list is the following: clover clamps, wartenberg wheel and leather paddles. I may pick up a few knives down there from Katana and I also will be ordering some heavy duty wrist and ankle cuffs from Katana. Plus I'll pick up anything that strikes my fancy.

Right now I am at Jonathan's house, he's asleep. I should be too. We are getting up in about 2.5 hours and driving to Chicago so that he can go see a cute girl. I fully support the out of state travel for sex and perversion. Thouhg with Jonathan, it will just be sex. I know he'll have fun. I should go to bed soon.

I now have the final item needed for the new box in my toybag. Heres whats in the box right now:

#Neosporin - for cleaning and soothing wounds
#Bandages - for covering wounds and cuts
#Gauze pads - same as above
#Tape - to hold the Bandages to the skin
#Forceps - For holding alcohol soaked cotton balls for fire play
#Needles - 100 brand new 23 gauge needles that just beg to be poked into my skin. Good times.
#Scalpels - 10 hospital grade scalpels for cutting scenes.
#Heavy duty shower curtain - A drop cloth for blood play scenes. I will be talking to the Piercer soon enough to find something better to use
#Lidocaine spray - helps with the itch associated with fresh cuts and scratches
#Alcohol - for fireplay plus its good to clean an area before cutting
#Gloves - I am a very firm believer in barrier protection for all kinds of play
#Sharps Container - Well, I was just going to leave used, uncapped needles on the dungeon floor, but then I realized that wasn't very nice

That box is now my box for fireplay and blood sports equipment. All packed away nice and neat. Now all I need is a delightfully evil Domly person to offer to cut me. *offers up my cutest look ever* Good times.

Alright well. Time to sign off. I've got a draft of a journal entry about BDSM and self body image. Its needs organization and tweaking, but it should turn out quite nicely. I'm sure you will all enjoy it.

Till then...

Jake Bullet

Amazon Dot Com Whore

2005-11-15T04:23:00.000-06:00

I know, Amazon.com has been around for years. I know, everyone’s already heard of it and everyone already uses it. But recently, I've started to become an Amazon.com whore, I go there and see about 10,000 things I want to buy. What’s in the next shipment that I'm waiting for?

Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook - At Kinky Kollege, I had the opportunity to meet Jay and also help him sell a few books. I picked up SM 101 there and highly enjoyed it. And now I need another book on rope bondage. Midori's book is great, but I've heard that Jay Wiseman's is perfect for practical instructions on 1 and 2 column ties and many other practical knots. I may have the need to use those soon so I figured this was as good as an excuse to buy the book as I was ever going to find.

The Last Human - In Britain , two men named Rob Grant and Doug Naylor created the Red Dwarf series. A series which I am happily obsessed with. They wrote the series under the pen name Grant Naylor, but unfortunately, they split up. They no longer write together and they were 2/3rds of the way through a trilogy of books when this happened. So each one separately finished it. This is Doug Naylors conclusion to the series and I really want to see how he envisioned things ending.

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism - Okay, admittedly I got this book because the website said if I ordered more then they'd give me a discount. But in reality, this book as been on my "to read" list for quite some time. I always enjoy reading SM related books because invariably I learn things about myself from them. And its always fun to come up with new and fascinating ideas.

Office Space Special Edition with Flair - Okay another purchase I suckered into with the "Buy more and we'll give you money back" offer. But more so than that, I just find this movie hilarious, simply freaking hilarious. Plus the guy who plays Milton (Stephan Root) is one of my favorite actors.

Chef! The Complete Series - Odds are you have never heard of this show. Ever. Its okay, I don't look down on you because of it. It’s an obscure British comedy that I found one night on PBS. And it’s hilarious. I mean I love British comedy to begin with, but I really identify with this particular show. The premise is that this very hot black chef (Lenny Henry) (picture) is the head chef at England’s Finest French Restaurant. And his wife is the Manager and there is a young man named Everton who is perhaps the least competent kitchen worker in the history of all England. Chef is an extraordinary demanding man who is almost constantly ready to kill anyone who makes the slightest mistake in the kitchen. I know, it sounds a little odd. But if you've worked in a gourmet restaurant before, its so close to the truth that its scary. Trust me, this show is hilarious. Its mostly an interplay between Chef, his wife and Everton. Various other characters exist, but really, they're not important.

Lastly...
Newsradio Season 1 and 2 - I'm comfortable sharing the fact that I'm obsessed with this show. Mostly for the interplay between Dave Foley and Stephan Root. Many years ago, this show was on some channel between noon and 1pm. And I watched it everyday. It kept me going and gave me something small to look forward to each day. Everyday I spent an hour with Dave Foley, Stephan Root, Andy Dick, Phil Hartman, Joe Rogan, Vicki Lewis, and Maura Tierney. This silly little comedy gave me a little laughter at a time in my life when I needed some laughter. And now its out on DVD and by golly, I needed to have it. This show never fails to make me smile and remember a few important lessons and an important phone call. I like things that remind you of moments long gone. And, in the end, this show is hilarious.

Well, alright, that’s all for this shipment.

Till later all.

Jake Bullet

Sorry

2005-11-14T03:22:00.000-06:00

I haven't updated in a long time. And I'm sorry for that, but it’s been an odd past few days. Anywho.

Jill and I may be playing sometime in the future, maybe. And I'm not going to be the bottom in that scene.

Work, in fact, sucks.

I bought Newsradio from Amazon.com. I also bought several other books and another movie but Newsradio is the important part. That show saved my life several years ago, literally. I'll tell that story one day.

The Perv Halloween party was loads of fun.

The Fairy and I got some new scalpels and needles over the weekend. I now have a box in my toybag devoted to needle play and cutting.

I had the cops crawling all over the building (security job) last night because there was a guy hiding in the building. We never found him. It was odd helping the cops search because they had guns drawn and I had a large flashlight.

I've sort of been in my head the last few days. It’s not fun.

My parents treat me like a 12 year old when in their house. Now under the right circumstances with someone other than my parents that could be fun and relaxing, but its just annoying when its them.

I have an idea for a series of interesting blog posts for the near future, more on that another day.

Alright well, hopefully we will soon return to regularly scheduled blog updates.

Jake Bullet

Work

2005-11-05T02:06:00.000-06:00

Today my boss cried. Thats how bad work is. Paul, this expierenced player, sharp as a whip mind, totally not emotional guy, just cried today. Thats how bad work is. And guess who gets to be one of 4 people fixing it all? Thats right, me. How delightful. Work sucks.

I haven't had any time to blog till now, so stories will still have to wait as I am using the blog post partially as a way to take a break from work for a little while. And to be honest, I'm just not feeling in the mood to share tales of being cut over the weekend, it was a great weekend, but I'm just not up to it right now.

Also, updates to the blog....like new links and new other stuff, are also on hold for the time being.

Alright, well, I've procrastinated long enough, back to the grindstone. Fortunately I do get to go to the local pervert Halloween party tomorrow and I convinced Sally Jane to wear these really hot boots by offering to fetch drinks for her all night, that outta be fun.

Till then.

Jake Bullet

weekend

2005-11-01T02:05:00.000-06:00

This is gonna be random, but have fun with it.

The ORIGINAL plan was to attend a party starting at 8pm in Chicago and leave the same night or at like 2am (technically) the next morning. 6 hour party plus drive time right. The ORIGINAL plan was just to eat a little, drink a little, shake a few hands, try not to do anything stupid and not scene. Easy enough. The ORIGINAL plan was a simple trip down south for a brief thank you party.

What actually happened was I was down in Chi Town from 3pm Friday till late afternoon of Sunday. What actually happened was I have several great new friends and great new stories. What actually happened was I had two great scenes and I have the prettiest marks to show off. What actually happened is I now have a standing invitation to come to Chi Town whenever I want.

So, here are some topics for the next few days.
-General recalling of the weekend
-A good HEAVY flogging scene
-My first cutting scene (he used a scalpel on me....)
-My new friends from Chi Town

Also, there are going to be some updates to the blog itself. New links, a syndication type thing into a livejournal blog, possibly a new look, updates to the cast of characters and my bio.

Unfortunately, Work and Life are going to be kicking my ass for the next few days. But hey, that's what you get sometimes. Till I have a little more time, I'll just leave you all with this little tease.

Jake Bullet

Marks...mmmmmm

2005-10-27T02:44:00.000-05:00

I leaned over and smacked the alarm off this morning and then rolled onto my back. As I was still in that totally confused, still half asleep headspace, I gently brushed my arm across my chest, intending to rub the sleep out of my eyes. What I felt was a few tiny bits of pain as I rubbed over the burn marks from the flash cotton. I just grinned and remembered the panic that had been running through me as I burned. I moved my hand lower and felt how the right side of my stomach was covered with tiny stubble, rather than hair because it had all been burned off by alcohol. Again, I just smiled, remembering how I was so excited and scared as I let the Electrician burn me.

By this time, I was completely awake but I kept my eyes closed. Grinning to myself, I just let my hand explore my chest and discover various marks on my body from past few play sessions. Needle scratches that still feel different because, while closed up, they are still healing...though 90% of them are gone. Yellowish-brownish burn marks from flash cotton. Tiny red dots of electrical burns near my left nipple from some heavy electro play there. Most of the hair on the right side of my stomach just blackened stubble from the alcohol burns. Every time I found a mark with my fingers, I just gently traced that mark....remembering the scene, the feelings, the pain, the feeling of being small, the squirminess, the feeling of being someone’s if only for a short time, the emotions of it all. The scenes just came back to me. I loved it. And it was the perfect way to wake up. And the perfect time to talk about marks.

I remember that after the first scene I ever did, I was talking to the Top afterwards (who happens to be the munch leader) and discussing everything involved in the scene. One of the things she remarked is that because she was going light on me, the marks wouldn't last very long, maybe till the next afternoon. And we kept discussing marks, with me mostly nodding and asking open-ended questions to get more information. (Hey, that’s how I learned stuff, nodding a lot and asking questions) She told me that many submissives love having marks for days or even weeks at a time, which was a real surprise to me and even worried me a little. At the time, I couldn’t imagine A) playing hard enough to get marks which lasted that long or B) wanting to keep marks that long? What if I got hurt? What if I couldn’t play that hard? What if people saw them? What if my *parents* saw them? What if I had a scar from something? That’s what was running through my head back then.

Fast-forward about 18 months and its official. I love marks. I mean, I really really love marks.

I want to be marked so badly these days. I want to wear my marks with pride and show them off to the whole world. I want tell everyone (even the vanilla beans) about the person who loved me enough to leave me bruised, cut, red, bitten, scratched, or burned. Tell them about the person who left marks all over my body and how they did it.

To touch the makrs and look at them, remembering every detail. To thank a Dom for caring about me enough to leave there mark on me. To the idea of being able to thank someone with more than a handshake or a hug and kiss. ::blushing grin:: I LOVE marks and the idea of being marked.

Marks are something special. Its almost like my body is a canvas and scene/pain was a Domly type person painting me, but the marks, that’s the Doms signature on me. That’s the part that makes it artwork instead of just paint on canvas. I just can't explain how I feel about being marked. But looking at them while fresh and remembering who gave them to me and what it was like....well its special to me. I don' think I'm alone here either, I think alot of people like having marks. It’s like a little reminder. And in some ways, it’s almost a re-enforcement type thing. I'm not sure I'm explaining it right, but seeing the marks and the little jolts of pain they provide while fresh, well it reminds me of things. And not just of the scene, but it also reminds me that I'm a pervert. Reminds me that I enjoy suffering just because the person doing it gets off on my pain and submission. Reminds me that I earned the marks. Reminds me that I'm not a normal boy, but something....special, almost. Its just a good reminder of how while I pretend to be normal everyday, on the inside, I'm not. And I love the reminder.

After my needle play scene with the Piercer, in the days after, when the marks didn't hurt unless I touched them, I loved that whenever I had a free moment, I could just roughly rake my nails across my chest/stomach and feel the hurt come back, just for a few seconds. In the elevator, in my office if no one was around, in the halls if they were empty. Just 5 seconds to close my eyes, roughly rake my fingers around the scratches thru my shirt, to feel the pain again, the micro-endorphin rush from the pain, remembering the Piercers voice and the Fairy's teasing. I loved that until the marks healed too much to hurt anymore, but I can still look at them and remember.

I wish I could better explain why I love being marked, but I don't feel that I've done the topic justice. Its just one of those squirmy inside feelings that I can't seem to explain very well or really verbalize. I just know I love getting, feeling, seeing and having marks all over my body. I'm really a whore for marks.

But hey, I'm just one guy. What do y'all think?

Jake Bullet

Party and a Piercing

2005-10-25T13:24:00.000-05:00

Its true, I'm a little nuts and a little bit of a slut. Okay, fine, I'm a complete slut.

This weekend, I got a new piercing and went to another BDSM party. I love my weekends.

The Fairy and I took a little road trip to see the Piercer, which was alot of fun. We got to chat alot, realized we had more in common than I first thought, got to chat about the local scene, and all sorts of other jazz. It was a bit of a long drive, but still lots of fun, lots and lots of fun. She also decided to start text messaging someone special during the little drive, but I didn't mind because I got to enjoy a phone call once we arrived at our destination. :) I got the upper cartiledge of my ear pierced, though for some reason, I was way more nervous than I thought I would be once we actually got to the Piercer's house. Something about the larger needles I think, plus the more medical like setup. I mean, its different when you are doing real body mod rather than a needle play scene. And even though I squirmed a little more than I should have then actually inserting the jewelry, it went it beautifully. Now I have to learn not to sleep on my left side for awhile. :)

The Fairy got her nips done which was fun to watch since I was the photographer for that little event. She is less of a fan of needles than I am so she had a little more trouble but took it like a champ. They also look quite nice.

Then there was the party on Saturday night. About 12 of us got together to tour a haunted house (leave it to the pervs to cheer when they say "you'll be punished if you misbehave in the haunted house") and then have dinner and a little play. The haunted house was fun and the long line gave us all a chance to chat and gossip a little. Then we all went to a house and had a little food. As usual, me being mouthy was less than a good idea. Just for the record, bad time to get a case of the giggles is when you're supposed to be saying "I'm sorry Sir". Then the Electrician and I played. I was hoping to work Sally Jane in a little more as she is a huge fireplay fan. She did light my arm up, but with the crowd, she just wasn't in the mood to play. The Electrician tied me down to a table and then did some moderate to heavy electro-play plus fire play.

Now, I was joking that this was like dinner and a show, with me as the show, because some people were still finishing dinner. And the idea of me being a show for people made me kind of hot. I really am a total slut. Anyway, I was shocked, alot, with the violet wand and also had flashcotton and alcohol put on my chest and lit on fire. It was a fun intense scene, though the audience was a little more into playful heckling than usual and it took me a little longer to drop into space. One fun thing was having about 6 people running there hands over my body, shocking me when I had the violet wand current running up through my body into there fingers. I still have fun little burn marks and I lost quite a bit of hair on my chest. Not that it was furry to begin with, but still, alot is gone now. And I am now totally positive that I love marks that last. They are fun to touch and look at and remember.

I have also decided that electro play is much more fun when my pink bits aren't involved. I mean, getting zapped with a nasty bulb right on the head of your dick just hurts, alot, and not in the fun way. I was trying to crawl off the table after one shock and begging the Electrician not to shock there again. But again, it was a fabulous scene.

Alright, well, I should be doing my post on marks soon enough. Hopefully tonight or tomorrow. Till then...

Jake Bullet

Things you learn

2005-10-21T02:55:00.000-05:00

The post on BDSM making one feel pretty will wait till tomorrow. Here are a few random observations from the past 24 hours.

-An 8 minute and 45 second phone call can totally make my day and can make me blush and squirm in public.

-Women don't *need* BDSM toys. There teeth and nails are mooooooore than enough to cause plenty of pain and little marks. Silly Fairy.

-When Sally Jane decides to pinch someone for being mouthy or something, I am, in fact, the only one who stays still and lets her do it even though it hurts alot. I mean, what am I supposed to do? She says "Stay still".

-It is possible for Andrew to spend over half his workday trying to rearrange the office.

-Boxer-briefs look cuter than boxers, but also feel different.

Randomness is fun. Tomorrow will be a real post.

Jake Bullet

If only I had a doggie treat...

2005-10-18T23:47:00.000-05:00

So I was at the security job around half past midnight when I heard a knock on the front glass doors. Now, we are not allowed to let people into the building after midnight so I knew that all I was going to do was tell whomever was at the door that they couldn't come in (unless of course they had a legitimate emergency like a gushing flesh wound). An annoying task because often people only want to use our phone or ATM, but I don't make the rules.

So I walked over to the door and saw this very pretty little girl. Maybe 5 foot tell, but probably not even that, look like not a day over 21 and had a very submissive look to her. I don't know why she looked particularly submissive, but she did. It wasn't that she was a girl, or her height, or even that she was blond. She just had this look....this look like she really should be coming to munches and exploring her inner submissive. But I digress.

If it were up to me, I would let her in but it's not up to me. So I carefully explained that she couldn't come in and we had a little back and forth discussion about it because she did really want to come into the building. Well, she was intent on staying in our vestibule and arguing so I turned and started to walk away. But as I did, she dropped down to her hands and knees and sat like a puppy would sit and started really really begging me. Down on her knees, her little ass rest on her calf muscles and her hands in front of her, holding the rest of her body up. Honestly, she looked just like a little puppy. I just stood there and stare for a minute or so, trying not to think of horrible, terrible things I wanted to do to her at that point and then walked away before my....interest.... in her became evident.

I couldn't get her out of my mind the rest of then night, because she just looked so cute in that pose.....in fact she actually started scratching at the door just before I walked away. Just looked like a little puppy and images of puppy play danced through my head for quite awhile. And so, I have decided to start keeping cookies in my pocket at work.....just in case a situation like this ever arises again.

I wonder, would she have let me balance a little cookie on her nose and then eaten it on command?? I wonder.....

Jake Bullet

Kinky Kollege III....Piercing

2005-10-11T00:35:00.000-05:00

Okay, the post that I'm sure at least a few of you have been waiting. I got to play with the Piercer and the Fairy on Saturday night of Kinky Kollege. Here is the report with the details I feel comfortable sharing with y'all.

The Piercer is the same guy from the nearly fainting episode and we've seen each other several times since last February. One thing about the Piercer is that he isn't a Dom, he isn't a Master, he's a Sadist through and through. He just enjoys causing pain and is really good at it. He's a really great guy, dedicated to his art, easy to chat with and very handsome. He is also quite straight and doesn't often Top boys. But we know each other a little and he liked the idea of us playing.

I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted except that I knew no medical play and I wanted it to look pretty and I wanted to be covered in needles. The Piercer suggested we do a little remake of Gulliver's Travels....basically, he was going to use needles plus colored string to tie me down to a bondage table and then have his way with me. It sounded like fun to me and sounded like it would be easy enough to take so I quickly agreed. The Fairy and I helped set up his gear and I nervously stripped down to a pair of tight black boxers. After double checking what we were both expecting and checking safewords and all that jazz, I laid down on the table and had a few minutes to relax (i.e. get myself all worked up and nervous) before he started.

The Piercer, after working the Fairy a little to fuck with my head, started on my left arm, putting 4 22gauge needles into my arm. Two in the upper arm, two in the lower. He then put 4 in the other arm and then 3 into each of my legs. After a short time, the needles started feeling warm and floaty and really nice. Don't get me wrong, they hurt going in, but they felt nice after awhile. The Piercer then started using hobby twine to tie the needles to the table, which illicted "cute little moans and whimpers" as the Fairy put it. Because he looped the hobby twine in a figure 8 pattern around the needles, it pulled them away from the skin so there was a constant tug on the needles even before they were tied to the table.

Well, the combination of being in only boxers plus, the needles, plus the Fairy teasing me caused a swelling in my boxers. Which is to say I had a monstrous hardon. What really helped was the Fairy plus several other ladies commenting on it as I lay there, my cock twitching and waving. Yeah, having hot women comment on my dick as a handsome man jammed me with needles....yeah, there was no way that I wasn't going to get hard from that. The best part was as the Fairy and another woman were commenting on how "it looks like a dogs tail waving". Embarrassing? yes, quite, but still hot.

Once the Piercer had preped more needles, he began working on my chest. Now those needles hurt. Hurt alot. At one point I screamed, "Put down the fucking biopsy punch". There was much yelling, cursing, promises (threats) of retribution, whimpering, moaning, groaning, and squealing going on while the Piercer put 34 needles in my chest. Yes 34 needles in 4 rows up and down. The Fairy's job at that point was pretty much to tease and torment me, because, well, she's good at that and it seemed to be working for all 3 of us. I can't even count the number of times I swore that I would get her back the moment I could, you know, move and stuff. She just giggled. I suppose its difficult to be very threatening when tied to a table with fluorescent green string.

After counting up the needles, the Piercer noticed that we were only 2 needles short of 50 and asked me how I left about putting the last two into my dick. And, I just wasn't prepared for that. I've never really done any sort of CBT (unless drunken sac tag counts) and that idea was a little too scary for me. Because he wasn't sure if I was begging him not to and meaning "please do that" of if I really didn't want to he said he was putting them in unless I said red to that. I didn't even let him pause, the word red was out of my mouth almost as soon as he had finished saying it. That gave the Piercer and the Fairy a little laugh and so he opted to put the last 2 in my left nipple. Those hurt a little. Those two had me cursing and promising to exact revenge.. They hurt alot to be quite honest.

The Piercer let me relax and I managed to get my head up enough to take a good look at my chest. And I was blown away. I was covered in needles. Just freaking covered and that freaked me out in a good way. The Fairy took the opportunity to tease me and it was at this point that she convinced me that she had made a sign on the table that read "Gulliver". Now, of course there was no sign, but with the Fairy, the Piercer and several audience members telling me there was, I was firmly convinced. And I was ready to beat the Fairy senseless because she's a brat. So I started trying to untie the strings holding me down. And had absolutely no luck. I had to rotate my arm so far to get at the knots that they were pulling way too hard for comfort on the needles in my arms.

Now it was time to take the needles out. Okay, the scenes nearly over I tell myself. Well done. Fat Fucking Chance. See, it would be wayyyyyyy too easy for the Piercer to simply pull the needles out at drop them in a sharps container. Ha Ha! Why do that when instead you can slowly pull each needle out one by one and then use the very sharp tips to scratch the crap out of my chest. And that what he did. Ya know those airplane and car noises you make with small children to try to get them to eat something. Well as he was pulling the needles out, he decided to play a little race car like game with two of them. Racing all over my chest, dodging other needles, scratching quite deeply and also making 5 year old car noises. That freaked the shit out of me. A man who was acting like a 5 year old playing race car games on my chest with sharp needles? Oh yeah, that’s the makings of a relaxing time. The fairy has since told me "The look of horror on your face was priceless". My chest, by the time most of the needles came out was cover from waist to neck in needle scratches, deeply painful needle scratches. And of course I took this all very stoically. That is if we define stoically as whimpering, nearly crying, moaning and begging. Yeah. The last two in the nip got alot of play before they very painfully came out.

After that the arm and leg needles were quickly removed and I just lay there, totally out of it, off in my own little world, trying to work up the courage to try to move my arms and legs. I got a good look at my chest at this point and the scratches were everywhere. And there was blood all over my chest. Very hot. I was trying to bring myself back to something approaching normalcy when the Piercer said we had one thing left. He soaked a few paper towel in 70% isopropyl alcohol and then started wiping my chest down. Ever put alcohol in an open wound? It hurts. So you can imagine how it felt on all the pretty little needles holes and scratches. Apparently my friends could hear me from across the room at that point.

Well, the Piercer helped me put my shirt back on and he and the Fairy provided some very nice aftercare and I began to work on figuring out how to use my legs and arms again. After having some glucose (I HIGHLY recommend glucose tablets) and relaxing for awhile, I started to get dressed again and met up with a few friends and I was eager to take my shirt off and show off my marks. I was warmed by the Piercer that I either needed to keep my shirt on the rest of the night or go take a hot shower and very carefully wash out the scrapes and needle marks. So, the Fairy helped me up to the room, because I still hadn't fully regained my motor skills and I took a very hot shower. Which also hurt, the hot water and soap really make the little marks burn and sting, but, like the whore I am, I liked it.. Plus, I had the opportunity to look at all of the pretty marks all over my body, to touch and feel them and to just grin like an idiot. I got dressed again and headed back to the party, eager to show off my marks, to see other people play and to thank the Piercer for the scene. All in all it was very fun and very physically taxing. And it makes me want to play with needles alot.

So that how everything went, I was on cloud nine for the rest of the night and I still have little scratch marks on my body, although they are mostly healed. The Piercer and I have traded some e-mails and are already planning to play again sometime. Again, I think its official, I like needles. And, writing about this makes me want to write a post on how BDSM makes me feel pretty. Alright, well, hope y'all enjoyed.

Jake Bullet

Kinky Kollege Debrief Part II

2005-10-07T00:09:00.000-05:00

Kinky Kollege. Kinky, kinky, kinky kollege.

Well, if I had to describe the event in one word it would be "wow". I was blown away. Every little detail that didn't go so well at there last event, every misstep, every error was fixed. It was a perfect event, just absolutely perfect. The classes were great, the social events and areas were great, the dungeon was fucking fabulous and the people were wonderful. The vendors had so many cool items and so many things I want to buy and touch and feel. I cannot recommend this event any more strongly.

Now, shopping. Shopping is a hobby for me.....one I enjoy greatly. And I made 4 lovely purchases. And was close to making several more. The first thing I got was a copy of SM101 by Jay Wiseman. I'll talk more about that purchase and meeting him and helping him a little later....probably in another post.

I got a convention shirt and also a shirt which says "Sex & Politics" on the front from the NCSF. More on the NCSF at a later date.

Now my favorite purchase, which I am wearing right now. I was chatting with a girl from the munch and spent a fair bit of the weekend flirting with her. Well the Fairy as I'll call her and I were looking for a new leather skirt for dungeon time. She already had a lovely corset to go with it and I was providing so tasteful advice on whether leather shirt to get. While looking, we also saw men's leather pants. I grabbed some pants at her insistence and we decided to share a changing room and watch each other change and then see how the outfits looked. The first pair of leather pants was a little too tight, so I traded up and tried them on and they were perfect. Pretty, shiny, beautiful leather just covered in leather smell. I had to get them. The fairy also got one of the shirts that I helped to suggest. So I am now the proud owner of LEATHER PANTS. And for certain readers, I'll be more than happy to model them for y'all.

Anyway, time to go send several e-mails, make some posts and relax a little.

Jake Bullet

Back from Kinky Kollege

2005-10-04T02:11:00.000-05:00

Late last night I got back from Kinky Kollege. And what an event it was. Seeing old friends, making new ones, getting to know people from the local munch better, classes, play time, and everything rocked. It was freaking fabulous. I can't describe it all in one blog entry and I'm still recovering so I'll tease you all with a list of topics which WILL be covered.

-Playing with the Piercer (an etra tease for y'all....Its been 48 hours since he and I played and I still have marks)
-Meeting Jay Wiseman
-Shopping!
-The new girl
-Classes
-Volunteering and afterwards
-Meeting fun people

I will say this, the emotional letdown after the event was almost as bad as after Shibaricon. I mean, doing nothing but BDSM related stuff for 3 days and then having to go back to the real world is a total downer for me. It sucks to have to quietly talk about things. It sucks that I can't share my weekend with my coworkers and friends. It sucks that sexy T-shirts and nudity aren't appropriate dress anymore. Its just frustrating to know that I had a few days to be completely in my element around like minded people and now its time to go back to hiding and back to having to lie about what I do. I was better prepared for the letdown this time, but it still doesn't mean the letdown doesn't suck.

Alright, well, time to put away new toys and clothes and then grab some sleep.

Jake Bullet

Preping for the event

2005-09-29T03:53:00.000-05:00

Well, its close to 4am, I'm waking up in 5 hours and I'm waiting for my laundry to get done. Why do laudry at 4am? Well, when you have to wash all your cute outfits for an event this weekend and you get home at 2am, there really isn't a choice.

This weekend is Kinky Kollege and man do I need it.

Class, work, other work, and life have just been hell these last few weeks. I feel like I haven't been able to relax at all lately and so I am really looking forward to it.

The Poet and I leave early Friday morning and will be gone till late on Sunday. Tomorrow I'm getting a haircut and my eyebrows done so I look cute, I have enough clothes ready to go to leave town for a week, my toy bag is packed(including the gnome), I did a little "manscaping" earlier today and so I am very close to being ready to go.

Hopefully a few other people from the munch will be there as well and it should be a ton of fun.

Anyway, I just heard the little bell ring so time to change loads and then get some sleeeeeeeeeeep.

Oh and before I forget, check out Siren's latest entry. I dream of the day when I have a connection like that with someone. Siren and Raven are just about two of the coolest people I know. :)

I promise I'll post again tomorrow before I leave and I am sure there will be many great stories of the weekend.

Jake Bullet

Randomness

2005-09-24T03:36:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, Friday nights working stupid security...wonderous I tell you. Wonderous in the same way that being stuck in a phone booth with an angry walrus is wonderous. (Note: hey, if you think coming up with metaphors this good is easy, then you try)

Some Thursdays are almost nothing but BDSM talk in one way or another, the group will have 12 different conversations running all over the bar about BDSM, sex, scenes and fun parties. People drift from one conversation to another, atleast one pairing of people is covertly, but at the same time obviously flirting and planning a night of wild sexy business. Poeple talk about toys, tease one another and groping is occasionally involved. Other days its like this past Thursday.

For no particular reason, things generally seem slightly muted. People aren't as spread out physcially around the bar and the conversations are about more mundane things. Jack, Jill, Andrew and I spent most of the evening saying silly things, discussing West Wing, retelling Lewis Black jokes or just chewing the fat. Quite enjoyable, in a slow, glowy sort of way. Just not quite as much fun as discussions of sex, followed by more discussions of sex.

I think the quite nights are like slowly enjoying a good bottle of wine. Many nights are like doing shots of tequilla and body shots, trying to remember whose turn it is to buy the next round. Both are good at different times, both are quite delicious, but they are different.

I wish I could go to sleep right now, but I can't. So, I'm going to do the next best thing, listen to the radio and veg out.

Peace y'all.

Jake Bullet

Sick as a dog

2005-09-21T21:25:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been sick as a dog since about Sunday. It made me glad to have hair and fingernails.....if for no other reason then fingernails and hair cannot feel aches and pain.

And my entire weekend before Sunday was, well.....imagine for a second a BDSM scene involving having a cheese grater vigorously rubbed against your entire body. No, my weekend wasn't that bad.

Imagine that the cheese grater was very rusty and covered in Tabasco and ginger root.....my weekend wasn't that bad.

Imagine the cheese grater thing, plus being repeatedly kicked in the nuts with steel toe boots (no, I'm not some huge CBT masochist), plus having the unholy love child of Fran Dresher and Carrot Top being the one topping the scene. And this unholy love child is especially sadistic and knows the pain that their laughter and jokes cause the world. Well, okay, it wasn't quite that bad.

Imagine the nut kicking, cheese grater on body thing, the Carrot Top/Fran Dresher devil child topping you and then add in a large vibrating butt plug made of rusty steel wool. That’s how bad my weekend was. And then I got sick.

I'm feeling much better now. But several hours ago, I was sick as a dog. And so I had the bright idea to search through the boxes in my room, hoping to find drugs. And I found some lovely ones. Whoever invented painkillers and decongestant deserves some sort of award. In the search through boxes, I also managed to clean my room somewhat. Which is a good thing. Right now I've gotten most everything put away and put in the right place. So atleast something good came of the sickness......the plague as I like to call it.

One funny thing from the weekend. There was bowling and drinking involved and many trips to the bar. Now the bartender looked more than a little crazy and I was sort of fine with that, given that we were in a bowling alley. But, I must have made 6 or 7 trips to this bartender, getting my own drinks and drinks for others, getting beer nuts and getting bowling shoes. Well every time I went up there he'd say something to the effect of "hey Jim!!" (Note: Jim is not my real name nor is it a nickname I've ever gone by). After the third time we have a little something that went like this:

Crazy Bar Guy (CBG): Hey There Jim, ya need a refill?
Jake Bullet: [long pause].....hey....[longer pause]....Steve?... yeah another Miller Lite.
CBG: Coming right up Jim!

I figured if he was going to name me Jim, I was gonna call him Steve. Neither of us ever called the other one out on it. The problem with it is now Andrew keeps walking up to me and going "Heyyyyy..................Steve?" then he laughs. Silly Andrew.

So, yes, ignoring the weekend of hell, lets turn our attention to last Thursday. A most enjoy able Thursday. First off, the Toymaker had deliveries for me. One of which I desperately regret ordering. First toy is a rabbit flogger, like the one from the mean mindfuck. I like this one, its cute, its fuzzy, its furry, its simply Jim dandy. Then there is the evil toy. The evil horrid nasty toy. The mean evil nasty horrible toy.

I ordered a paddle shaped like a hairbrush. But that wasn't enough. So I ordered it to be a half inch thick. But that wasn't enough, so I asked for the wood to be oak instead of nice soft pine or aspen. Let me paint a picture. Jake Bullet, red assed, shaking, panicking, and maybe even crying a little as some mean, delightfully evil, Domly person comes at him with a Half inch thick, oak hairbrush shaped paddle. I'm just going to cry. It hurts my hand just testing it. Why, oh why do I feel the compulsion to buy things which hurt me?

Well, then there was Jill and I chatting part of the night away. And by chatting I mean, we talked while I fondled her. Why? Because secretly I like Jill a bit and I think she’s cute. So while we were chatting she had her legs in my lap and I started rubbing them. I mean what else is a boy to do when presented with legs in his lap? Sheesh. However, it was at the point that I had moved up the legs and was gently massaging Jill's....um, happy place... while the two of us were chatting with her boyfriend, that’s the point at which it might have been a little naughty.

Later in the night I had Jill in my lap and decided to just reach under her shirt, move annoying undergarments and fondle her breasts. Jacks reaction??

He shrugs and says, "Meh, I'm going home with her so have fun". So I proceeded to fondle and pinch and caresses her for a fair portion of the night. God I love Thursdays.

Then came an impromptu conversation Sally Jane and I had about our play session from the other weekend. It was definitely an intriguing conversation and I think we both walked away with a much better picture of the other and where we both are coming from. In an e-mail I got from her later, she said she was intrigued by me and that she looks forward to continuing the conversation. I like being impressive and I like being intriguing. I have absolutely no idea where this will go, but I'm jazzed by the prospects of breaking some assumptions that people have about me and by the possibilities.

Alright, time to lay down and then time to work on the secret, crazy, insane project and then clean the room a little bit more.

Jake Bullet

D/s versus S&M

2005-09-15T01:16:00.000-05:00

::blushing furiously and squirming around at Siren's comment, quietly taking the penny you gave me into my pocket::

Yes Siren I'm sure that you do have a delightful little store in mind. Not that the idea of going to that store with you and pushing my comfort level simultaneously scares the shit out of me and excites me or anything.

Well, alright, I have a little more time tonight and I want to expand on the comment I made yesterday. Yesterday I said:

First idea, I am more okay with my like of S&M than I am with D/s. D/s type things are still scary and all that and still occasionally have me saying "Am I really doing this?". I still really really like the concept of D/s and want to do it, but I'm less sure of my footing there.

I wanted to clarify this and expand a little bit. The short explanation for that comment is that the notion of really doing real time D/s scares me because I've never had a chance to really do it. What I mean by that is that I have done enough S&M scenes that I'm relatively accepting of those activities, while I've never had the privledge of being in a real time, real life official D/s relationship. And that makes D/s new to me.

Now this may come as a shock to some of you, but new things scare me....alot. My first munch, play party, convention and scene were all deeply frightening and a little bit unnerving for me. Things which are new are hard for me, they're a definite challenge and they are difficult for me.

The other reason why D/s scares me and why I am a little less sure of myself is the commitment it takes. One can have a good S&M scene with a few minutes of negotiation and a free hour or two. After the scene is finished (and the wonderful aftercare has been taken care of) two people can part ways, each happy with the scene without much follow up. (Side note: Obviously I encourage more negotiation, longer scenes and talking afterwards whenever possible.) D/s though isn't like that. Its different.

You can't negotiate a real D/s relationship in a few minutes or even in a few days time. Its something huge, something super important, something that should be deeply meaningful and special. There's weeks and months of constant on-going negotiation, subtle give and take, minor adjustments, screwups and great moments. Plus its requires an ongoing commitment. You can say to your partner, if its just S&M, "well hey, I just don't feel like being beaten today". In a D/s relationship, you can still try to say that, but in the end, if your partner snaps and points at the ground, you're still expected to be on your knees and obedient. Its that 24/7 thing. The using titles even when standing in line together at the bank. The "constantness" of it. The specialness of it. The really submitting to someone and there rules and expectations and desires.

Those things that scare me. But at the same time, I'd sell my right foot on eBay for the chance to do it with the right person. Hell, I'd sell my body to science for the opportunity to do it.

I intended for this to be a little more coherent and put together, but alas, my brain simply isn't working very well right now. And Its time for little boys to sleep. So alas, I must be off.

Jake Bullet

Quoted!

2005-09-14T00:35:00.000-05:00

Well, the SpankingBlog has once again quoted me, which is very nice indeed. Its nice to know the people read my stuff and care about what I think. I mean, I know I have blog fans and regular readers, but its always nice for a more famous blog to quote you.

SpankBoss quoted a short little section from yesterday where I remarked that I am officially a pervert and that I'm surprisingly okay with it. And that has given me two new topic ideas.

First idea, I am more okay with my like of S&M than I am with D/s. D/s type things are still scary and all that and still occasionally have me saying "Am I really doing this?". I still really really like the concept of D/s and want to do it, but I'm less sure of my footing there.

Second idea, my acceptance of my strange desires has come slowly with a few leaps forward. Sort of a steady progress, with the occasional blind flash of insight.

I'll be exploring these topics and many more in the coming days.

Alright, well I am sore, sweaty, tired and in need of a shower. I just helped Andrew move and so its into the shower with me and then beddy bye.

Lata all.

Jake Bullet

A mean mindfuck

2005-09-13T01:44:00.000-05:00

Shortish update on the life of Jake Bullet.

In the past 3 days, I have made BDSM related purchases every day.

On Saturday, The toymaker had a neat little toy he called "Mini-Me". Its a sturdy handle with a medium sized square of heavy leather attached to it. Its stings a great deal, makes a pretty noise and it looks innocent. Looks innocent but is actually mean as hell. I like this new toy. One day, I'm sure I'll hate it, but right now I like it alot.

On Sunday, I decided to finally go out and get a number of non-kinky, but necessary items to keep in my bag. I've now got a sharps container, a full first aid kit, a bottle of glucose tablets (they're just great to help you recover from an intense scene), and latex gloves (safe sex and needle play). Nothing too kinky, but good stuff to have none the less. I also took the opportunity to clean out and organize my toy bag. All the safety stuff is in one section. Various personal sex items (dildos and plugs) are in the other section. The middle is reserved for my rope, floggers and other toys. Good times.

Today, the Poet got me a cutting board which will make a delightful paddle. And I picked myself up a wooden spoon. But no ordinary wooden spoon. This is as hefty as many paddles I've seen. I'm sure some perverted spanking fan designed it knowing that it would rarely be used on food and frequently used on hot sore bottoms. It is slightly curved so it hugs my ass perfectly. I like that spoon.

I think its official. I am a dirty pervert. Oh well, I kind of like it. Moving along.

The Mindfuck? Well good story there. I'll keep it short. There was another party this weekend and I was invited (I feel so cool to get the invites to these parties). And Sally Jane was there. Sally Jane is a new Domme in the area who is unpartnered. She is good friends with the Toymaker and is considered a very heavy player. She just really hits hard and the Toymaker says "She's not fit to play with normal people". Well, I happen to think that Sally Jane is akind of cute and even though I'm not looking for a relationship with her, I wanted to play. So we played and the Toymaker helped her make sure I wasn't being pushed too hard. Well because I was "peaking" I got blindfolded midway through which I thought was very mean. Okay secretly I liked it a little but still.

Anyways, they two of them take out the nasty sounding toy I've ever heard. It makes the heavy bottoms cringe and so its wayyyyy too heavy for me. I'm new, I need to work up to that level. But they take it out and start swishing it (its a particularity evil cane) and talking to themselves like I'm not in the room.

Sally Jane: Do you think he can take this one?
Toymaker: Well we can always mop up the blood.
Sally Jane: Good point.

And thats only a snippet of the conversation. So I was a little freaked out. And then I felt the can very very gently tapping my ass and I heard Sally Jane ask if I was ready. I replied with a very shaky and scared "kinda". And then I felt it move away. I heard the characteristic swish of the cane and I tensed up, waiting for an unbelievable line of pain on my ass.

Instead I felt a very soft, furry rabbit skin flogger gently thud onto my ass. I half screamed and then (without thinking) just said "oh man, oh, fuck you, oh god, that was mean".

A tip for any new kids. When you say "fuck you" to a Domme, they tend to use that as a good reason to be extra mean. And they don't like it very much.

But it was all good. A very nice mindfuck and a good scene. She wasn't really upset at all about me using bad words, she just teased me about it later.

I'd write more, but I want to get a little shut eye.

Jake Bullet

easy shift

2005-09-12T06:18:00.000-05:00

Well, i just punched out of work and it was the easiest shift ever. Why? Well, I spent pretty much the entire evening working on the story I alluded to yesterday. The story makes me squirmy just writing it.

And today the prof who teaches my two monday classes is out of town so I have the day off. So I'll be back in a few hours to write here.

Well, time to get some sleep. More posting will be had this afternoon.

Jake Bullet

Topics to cover

2005-09-11T20:44:00.000-05:00

In the coming days we'll be exploring the following topics:

Recent play parties
love/hate relationships in BDSM
BDSM and body image
and random life musing.

I'm also working on another perverted story which may or may not make it here. It may be for private consumption only. Who knows.

I've also completed moving. Now I just have to get the new place set up.
School is going nicely.
I'm generally a happy boy right now. Okay, more later tonight and in the coming days.

Jake Bullet

An unexpected 3:30am update

2005-09-08T03:31:00.000-05:00

So, I had just fallen asleep... I was just in that half asleep half awake zone when a ringing starts coming from my desk. And I wander over to start pounding on my alarm clock and noticed it was actually my phone. And it was Siren on the other end. And we got to chat for about 3 fabulous hours. Which was great. And I managed to go from groggy to completely and totally awake in the span of about 11 nanoseconds when I heard her.

I got to tell her all about the last play party. We got to discuss all kinds of things and catch up. We got to share funny stories and talk about random little things in our lives. She got to be delightfully evil and make me blush and squirm and get butterflies in my stomach. We got to chat about things which would make me whine and beg and plead but that secretly excite me. Much fun was had by all. Much catching up and teasing was accomplished.

Unfortunately, the Goddess' of phone technology decided to spoil the phone call midway through by disrupting the call. And what was really great about that was right after I asked about another crazy idea I had, and right after Siren said that it was something that could be looked into....thats when the phone died. So I'm pretty much going to be nonstop thinking about that little possibility for the next few days. A possibility which is simultaneously scary and exciting.

Anywho, I need to actually get some sleep, because I have class tomorrow. But rest assured, you shall all hear fabulous tales of play parties and the other wonders of my life. Ta ta folks.

Jake Bullet

Playtime

2005-09-07T00:42:00.000-05:00

Hey folks,

Yeah, so we're going to have to hold off on that description of the BDSM play party for a few reasons. First, I have to figure out which details I'm okay with sharing in this blog and which ones will be kept secret. Second, I have to actually write what happened and that's gonna take awhile. Third, I want to tell some people what happened before telling the whole world. So the description will have to wait. And it will be broken into several posts. As a consolation prize, here is another teaser

I had two fabo scenes. One very nice one with the electrician which involved a TENS unit, a mercury switch and LOTS of tickling. I'm secretly very ticklish.

The second scene was with Alice. A very nice Domme who loves to beat me. It was really, really intense for me and took alot out of me. There was grunting and cursing involved. And everyone clapped after we were through. That was good rough times.

Then I made the mistake of setting my shoes on Alice's kitchen table which earned me a little punishment. I real fast learned that punishment hurts, but not in the happy fun way. But guess what, I will never as long as I love set my shoes anywhere in her house but on the floor. Ever. I make alot of mistakes but usually I learn fairly fast.

Oh yeah, and Paul got me a lawn gnome. An unstolen lawn gnome, but that's another story. Well, time to work on an e-mail and then get some sleep. I have early class tomorrow.

Jake Bullet

PS. Keep the comments coming. I greatly enjoy them.

Playtime teaser

2005-09-05T15:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was at a private play party all day with the Poet. Much fun was had by all.

I can assure you that there will be lots of fun and fabulous stories tomorrow and maybe later tonight. But for now, I need to go socialize with the family. I promise regular posting will resume shortly....like later tonight.

Jake Bullet

Update Number 4375

2005-08-27T04:39:00.000-05:00

::taking a cue from Siren and blowing all the dust off my blog::

Oh you wonderfully readers, well I'm glad you're still reading, that's always good to have. Here's how my like is going.

I have been officially reprimanded for the security job thingy. Basically, there is a letter in my jacket permanently and I got scolded. Which hella sucked.

Life has been kicking my ass lately. The things currently on my to do list are:
-finish setting up class schedule
-pay tuition
-Move to the new apartment by Wednesday night. (its slightly bigger, has a balcony, come with AC and a comfy chair so its cool I guess)
-Write 2 speeches for Paul
-Write up 3 letters for Paul
-Write up a plan for the secret crazy project
-Set up meetings with about 7 different people
-Write an article for the school newspaper by Thursday
-Go home and see the folks and deal with some stuff with them
-Staff a security event
-Staff Paul for the next few days because of all the events he has to be at
-And several other minor projects.

I want to be able to delegate some of this stuff away, or do it later, or just not do it at all. But I can't. I promised people I'd do these things and I promised myself I would do my best to do them. So I am basically not going to sleep tonight and spend the night writing speech's, letters and plans. And tomorrow I have to start moving. Hopefully in about a week, things will calm down a little more.

The meeting the other day, well I'm not sure how it went. I went in and laid down the law and kept trying to push this woman slightly off balance so I could get a real reaction. What I got what was lots of nodding and "well, I understand that's how you feel but...". Apparently that's how she trys to disarm people and also she uses subtle tactics like avoiding scheduling meetings and taking you onto mindless tangents to avoid actually listening to you and fixing things. Its not how I feel either. I have documented proof from multiple sources. I can absolutely guarantee you that I'm right. She is a very annoying person to deal with. But I still have confidence that I can win. And I like winning more than almost anything. So I'll be keeping y'all up to speed on that.

Other than that, I've just been hanging around. Spent much of the day watching CNN and worrying. Because I am a chronic worrier. I worry about people I care about. I worry about myself, if I'm doing a good enough job. I worry if I make people happy. I worry about most everything. I'm not sure if its a good or bad quality. Anyway.

Anyway, I'm at work right now and just got called into Pauls office. So I guess I've got to go. I'll try to get back to more regular posting.

Jake Bullet

PS. I've got two "parties" to go to in the next few weeks and to be honest, I'm really looking forward to gettting my ass beat.

pissed off

2005-08-22T16:39:00.000-05:00

I am so pissed at myself right now.

I'm not going into the details right now of what happened. In a few days, when i know for sure what actually happened, I'll share what details I feel comfortable with. And for a few of you (you can guess who you are) I'll be sharing the whole thing. The very very short version of the story is there was an incident at the security job on Friday. I've been placed on unpaid administrative leave for the next 2 days while they finish the investigation. And when I say they, I mean Andrew, his assistant, and Andrews boss. Plus the police. Yeah.

And even though it wasn't my fault, I feel like it is my fault and responsibility. And I should have fixed it. And so now atleast 4 people will be wasting the next 3 days figuring out what happened because *I* fucked up. And it pisses me off that I fucked up and now I look like an ass and Andrew looks like a bad boss and I feel like shit. And I'm really pissed at myself.

In other news, today I once again proved that I don't play softball when it comes to the other job. I needed to set up a meeting with an incompetent windbag to explain exactly why what they're doing is unacceptable to us and why/how they are going to change. I called trying to set up a 45 minute meeting for Wednesday afternoon. I was told she is all booked up and only has 15 minute openings till late next week. She is famous for avoiding meetings with people like me. So I hung up, drove over there, marched into her office and managed to get 45 minutes on Wednesday morning. And I didn't have to tell her what the meeting was about; she gets to hear that surprise on Wednesday.

This woman is about to abruptly learn that I don't play around and that her shit isn't going to fly anymore. Going into that room as pissed as I was probably not the worlds brightest idea, but I got what I wanted. And mark my words, when I win, when I beat her, when she realizes I'm right and she's wrong and she does what I say.....I am going to dance. I am going to win and then get drunk and dance. Becuase thats how I roll.

I may be submissive, I may be a whore, I may be meek when I'm engaging in BDSM, I may like being someone's little pet and I may enjoy being dominted. But, at my job, I'm king and I lay down the law. And I'm always right. And I always win. And I don't play softball. I start with the 90 mile per hour pitches and I don't start by being very nice either. I get what I want because I am better than the people who don't do what I want. And I ALWAYS win. Thats why I get paid the big bucks.

Now, I'm going to get drunk and go to sleep. Good bye.

Jake Bullet

This building is trying to kill me

2005-08-21T05:14:00.000-05:00

Well, we're skipping the promised topic and moving right into something else. 3 quick updates, then I'll tell you why you never want a security job.

First, going to a perverted picnic later today. Good times likely will be had by all. The Poet will be there as well as possibly Andrew and many munch regulars. Hoepfully I'll be able to chat with people about a few things that have lately been on my mind.

Second, I got to talk to Siren again today. I'm very jazzed about that since i enjoy talking to her so much. Our respective free times haven't seemed to match up as much lately, so I was really jazzed when we got to talk for awhile. It's weird, but my day suddenly got brighter when we started talking. Okay, maybe thats not weird, maybe its normal. But to me its new, and secretly I kind of like it.

Third. Thanks to Agony Aunty and the Pink Bottomed Girls for there links to me. I'm always jazzed when people decide they like what I write enough to link to it. So thanks so much, I really like both of these sites and encourage y'all to read them both. Also, if anyone else has linked to me and I haven't noticed it, let me know and I'll be sure to thank you.

Okay. Never get a security job. Ever. For any reason. Today my partner decided to call into work sick about 3 minutes before the shift started. And no one I called wanted to come in. Not that I blame them., it was a saturday night afterall. Anyway, I was already planning on bringing Paul over to hang out, talk and generally cause mischief. Well, he only stayed for about an hour and after that was when the day started to suck.

First, everything takes twice as long because I don't have a partner to do half of it. But thats not the bad part.

The bad part would have been the fact that all the lights in the scary part of the building are broken. Yes, all the lights, its a problem with the panel. And so i had the joy of walking many many times thru there armed with nothing more than a small flashlight and a wiffle bat That sucked but it wasn't the bad part.

The bad part was when I started hearing noises coming out of one of the very few rooms I don't have keys for. Noise that sounded like a machine was going to explode or break or catch fire. Very loud and terrible noises. I spent over an hour trying to break into that room and figure out what it was, with no luck. The cameras showed it was totally clear and I must have tried every key we had on the locks. So that was an hour of my night, plus another hour checking every nearby room and checking the outside of the building to try to find the noise. I never found it and it sort of spontaniously stopped after awhile.

Plus there was the usual dose of random scary noises and creepy feelings up the back of my neck. Except this time, there is no one to call to have them come chekc it out with me.

Plus, the idiots in charge of closing the building did a piss poor job and over a dozen doors were unlocked. Why don't we just hang a sign out that says "Hey murders and sickos, Jake Bullet's in here alone and he's fair game tonight"? That would be easier.

I often hate this building. Right now is one of those times. If it weren't for my wiffle bat and a mastery of wiffle bat kung fu, I'd be really freaked out.

Oh well, I make halfway decent money doing this and I can sue the money to obtain things I want. Like cool clothes. Or trips to places. Or sex toys.

Only another hour until I get the *bleep* out of here. Then veg out, then get poet, scope out our super secret plan, and head to the preverted picnic.

Good times.

Jake Bullet