Sex, Beer, Politics and S&M

Found things

2007-01-30T10:14:00.000-06:00

Stuff I've found recently
-My debit card.....like most weeks, I left it at the Munch bar. Only problem is I remembered in 4 days later not 1 hour later.
-Tiggers. They were at that hot chicks house
-Birthday cards and presents. Also at hot chicks house
-Book. At the parentals house. This one annoyed me a fair amount.
-My wallet. Hidden under 1001 things in my room
-Rope. In the dead car. Along with some books, shirts, electronics, etc.
-My purse. Also, in dead car. This is coming back. My life was better when I had a purse.
-CDs. Also at the hot chicks house.

Stuff that still missing.
-One very nice singletail. But I'm retearing the hot chicks house apart because we are on a hot streak of finding things.

K

Important Decision

2007-01-15T22:37:00.001-06:00

I've made an important decision. I'm going to stop watching TV.

I watch too much TV. And because I spend time doing that, I don't spend enough time, reading working on side projects, reading, seeing friends, reading, sleeping or reading. And while TV is nice and one can learn alot and be a better person, the drawbacks are too big.

It sucks too much of my time, the commercials rot my brain, it promotes lazy thinking, and the keep adding new reality TV shows which make me want to kill myself.

Now, I'm not going to become some anti TV Nazi. I'm just going to unplug my TV and unless I have a good specific reason for using it, its stays off. I'll keep my DVD player hooked to it and my Xbox hooked in and I'll still use those, but not alot. I don't use those alot now, so they can stay. But the days on always saying "i'm bored, lets veg out in front of TV for 3 hours" are done. I may still watch now and again, but not nearly as much, as often or as bad as I do now.

I haven't given this a ton of thought, but it just seems like a good idea. So I'm following an impulse.

Bye bye TV.

Jake

2007-01-09T12:27:00.001-06:00

I may be ready to come out of the proverbial cave soon. Well, I suppose I have to really, people are throwing a party partly for me on Sunday. Other people are coming down to have dinner with me Friday and I may be going to a new club on Saturday. Add to that that I have 2 classes, a show and an after party (to help host) the next weekend. And then pile on a secret project that desperately needs work, a private event I need to make happen come late Feb and a stack of unreturned phone calls and e-mails a mile high, well....lets just say that getting hideously depressed, going off meds and hiding in a cave for a few weeks is overrated.

So Friday is my birthday, and left to my own devices, I would not celebrate it. 21 was the last B-day to look forward to. Well, that and 65 when I start getting a senior discount at Denny's.

I have a to do list for the day with 2 dozen items. Hopefully I can be productive today.

I spent all of Sunday watching VH1 "100 Greatest 80s songs". And I DLed them all. And I made the exact play list VH1 did. And it hella rocks.

Alright, well, I'm off to start on the To Do list. Later y'all.

Oh, btw, Firefox 2.0 hella rocks. So much better than the last version and the last version rocked.

Jake

2007-01-09T12:27:00.000-06:00

Not cool enough

2006-12-29T04:03:00.000-06:00

I'm just not cool enough. I try, really I do, but I am simply not cool enough for what I do on the weekends.

See, black boots, jeans and a black t-shirt just don't get me any cool points in the kink world. Admitidly I'll never be out of style in that outfit, but it has never won an award.

And so, I am making a list of clothing items that I am going to start obtaining for myself. That, plus learning new kinds of kink should help me become the coolest guy in Milwaukee's kink scene (yeah, cats out of the frickin bag, I live in Milwaukee, WI). So here's what I already have and what I need.

Already have:
-Jeans
-Lots of pervy black shirts
-Black boots
-Red Converse Hi-Tops
-A black mesh Topping thong (Damn it I am domly in a thong)
-Silly Hats

What I need:
-A black Utilikilt
-Bigger Black boots
-A new black dress shirt (its just a good thing to have that I am missing)
-3 new pairs of jeans
-Cool sunglasses....must look evil
-New glasses ('scription ones)
-Black leather belt with rows of little studs on it (http://www.rebelrebel.uk.com/images/FourRow.prod.jpg)
-Novelty Hats (thanks go to Sally jane for reminding me of a very special)
-A Jaunty Eye Patch (what can I say, I have a silly prop fetish)

Okay, I just have the best idea for a party I have this weekend. Black Monk Long Sleeved T (or a black button down over a pervy T, Black boots, black mesh Topping thong, and pants. But, as soon as I tie da boy down, off come the pants and (maybe) out comes a lawn gnome or a silly hat, but for sure out come a few canes and my sadistic side. Oh, and da boy will spend several minutes confessing his desire to be topped by someone in a black mesh thong before any hitting.

Tomorrow I'm going to get a cute black button down....maybe two of them, and maybe some jeans.

Until then....

Jake

Figuring out the blog thing

2006-12-27T10:05:00.000-06:00

Well, heres the deal.

I'm not abandoning this blog at all. I like it alot and I think blogger has some major advantages over LJ. However, I am able to check a bunch of friends at once on LJ and I like the interface better. Sorry to admit it but I do.

But I hate having this and not properly using it. So I am trying to figure out how to set something up so I can post to LJ and have the posts show up here as well. Any ideas on how to make this happen would be super appreciated.

But yeah, I am going to try to be here more often. Check back later today for more jazz.

Jake

2006-09-01T22:09:00.000-05:00

It's definately been awhile since I blogged, but I have loads of cool new stuff for y'all today.

First, a bunch of stuff about the new car. First of all, failed emissions test (boo!) but other than that I love it. I just added a BDSM flag sticker to the back of the car so that fellow pervs will recognize me. Chip and Dip have both taken a few turns at driving my car....for which I didn't have a stroke or heartattack. I didn't throw a nutty and no one died while the sisters (Chip and Dip) were driving. And, one of the sisters, Dip, discovered that the button I had assumed was a panic alarm was really a keyless start button....w00t!

Let's see, tomorrow I'm going out to lunch with Batina and the Piercer and then to a movie....Batina is out on an extended date with the Piercer right now. I'll just be making a brief guest appearance for the company and the sushi

Before the new year, I want to learn to love coffee...really good coffee...perferably learn to love even black coffee.

And last, I'm embarking on an interesting journey for the next few weeks. Batina promised the Piercer that she would have someone capable of doing anal fisting for a class he is teaching at KK. All well and good, especially since I wasn't the one she was going to have do it. But truth be told, there is a fairly decent chance that her other partner whom she asked to be the fistee will back out. And so I've been asked to play the role of the understudy. I am so not a size queen and I have very little expierence with advanced anal play. But I am determined to be ready by the time KK roles around.

Anyway, thats the lastest of my life.

Jake

2006-08-22T18:02:00.000-05:00

I've taken several phone calls today from a variety of people. Not one of them has said goodbye. Everyone just hangs up these days.

On a seperate note, tomorrow is going to be less fun. Why? I've been "invited" by my grandfather to a luncheon with the GOP candidate for Governor and Rudy Gulliani. Its a $50 per head fundraising event for the GOP. ANd I have to give my cgrandfather credit on a variety of levels. He tries to be active in local and state politics. He is trying to spend time with me doing things that he believes me to have interest in (politics). He is trying to get the sisters (Chip and Dip) interested in politics by bringing them. And he doesn't ussually beat me over the head with GOP propaganda. There are a few little problems.

I'm not even a little bit conservative. I never have and have little intention of voting for a GOP candiate. I'm a registered Democrat. I'm a kinky, bisexual, polyamorus guy. I've actively campaigned for a variety of Democrats. I've donated time and money to defeating the GOP. I have no interest in a GOP fundraiser.

I've always been really wishy washy with him on my political leanings. He knows I'm a Dem, but I soften to avoid fights. And this unfortunately, has lead to the belief that either a) I'm interested in hearing propogranda from both parties and that I'm open to alot of ideas or b) that I might flip parties.

Problem is.....I'm in politics to win. Thats what I care about. I'm not into a blanaced discussion of the issues in an election year. I'm in it to win and to see my party gain more power.

Oh well, nothing I can do now. However, I am going to make it more clear that scheduling me for things without giving me anything more than an offhand comment about something like this won't happen. I'll grant that I said something to the effect of "Oh, that's nice" when he mentioned this several weeks ago, but I didn't commit to anything, I didn't indicate interest, and I didn't say that I was free that day.

Oh well, I'll just deal with it.

Jake

2006-08-17T15:01:00.000-05:00

So I'm on hold with my shrinks office (ADD) and listening to hold music, when the music changes. What comes on is the music from Schindler's List. I know the piece well seeing as how I've played it in concert twice. If my phone line was full of depressed, anxious people trying to get appoitnments with doctors, frankly, I'd choose an easy listening station for the hold music.

Bad music choice.

Jake

Blah

2006-08-08T21:29:00.000-05:00

Well, how are things with y'all?

I'm rejoining GD soon (hopefully by this weekend). I miss hanging out in Chicago and I miss seeing people down there.

I've had a throughly unproductive day today. But in the last hour or so I have felt much more into the idea of doing work. Cleaning, reading, writing, etc.

By the time I go to sleep tonight, I need to have finished writing my father's birthday gift. I'm making him the same thing I made for my mom, a framed list of some of the reasons why I love him. Hopefully, it will fit somewhere on his office walls. Also, I'm promising to help him redo his office as a gift. As a wise person said, "Whats the use of having a fag for a sun if you can't get free decorating?"

The more and more I think about it, the more I want to make writing a part of my life. I want to be a published author. And so, I've got a few ideas cooking, and I'm doing a little reasearch to see what the field is like.

I need to have coffee/dinner with a variety of people. Jonathan canceled on me tonight, but we rescheduled for Friday.

I'm feeling somewhat apprehensive about restarting school full time in a few weeks. I need to get ready for that.

I'm going to go back to making book notes now.

Jake

Cured!

2006-08-03T09:56:00.000-05:00

You know that last post? About being burned out on BDSM?

Well, I'm cured.

Batina and I did 3 scenes this weekend....one of me playing the part of the toppy type, and two of be getting hurt for the amusement of others.

And one of them was really cool because it was sensory deprevation with hurting in it too. The perfect blindfold, plus earplugs, plus ear muffs, plus gag. Next time, I want us to get a spandex hood to just compltely depersonalize me and also vet wrap my hands so that those are taken away too.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, but I'm all better now. And I know its okay to have off days.

And, I'm renewing my GD membership. I'll be down on the 12th! Hurray, Chicago here I come.

Jake

2006-07-28T14:16:00.000-05:00

Its entirely possible that Batina hit it on the head with a conversation we had about 30 minutes ago. As some of you may have guessed from the last post, I'm just really feeling the BDSM vibe in myself as of late. Which I find both disconcerting and highly annoying.

I've tried the last few days to respark the interest, hoping that I was having a momentary hiccup in the libido department. And I was sure this would work. Find a little awesome porn, find a new fantasy or fetish to mentally play around with, or just sleep it off like bad tequila. And its not really been working. I mean the goodies are working just fine, but one shouldn't have to try much harder than normal to get off when looking at and reading some of your favorite porn. One shouldn't have 4 windows open, each with a different favorite fetish, and still be working to get a firm erection rather than a half assed one. I've tried approaching my favorite fantasies from the top and bottom side. And nothing.

This is actually pissing me off alot. I mean, its one thing to have a few bad scenes, a few days of feeling off your game. Thats completely acceptable. But, this is just pissing me off.

And Batina, being the wonderful person that she is, did a little research on what I was feeling. And she thinks that I might be burned out on BDSM. And the worst part is, she very well may be right.
And really what she told me, and my quick research (which will likely be confirmed by more indepth research) tell me I have 2 basic options.

One is I can tone down the BDSM or temporarily eliminate it. Just give myself a rest for awhile. Just not play, or attend munchs or maybe even skip conventions till the spark comes back. Wait a few weeks or months till the spark comes back on its own.

Option 2 is that I spend some time trying to remember why I like BDSM. Go back over old checklists, remember and focus on good scenes, try to rekindle my interest in the scene and push away or eliminate the parks causing me stress.

And I am sorely tempted to try my own option 3. Which would be to say that the idea that I'm tired of BDSM is crap. To throw myself even more headfirst into the scene. To hide any feelings behind a carefully constructed mask. To basically leap headfirst back in and hope for the best. And I may end up with that option or with one of the other two.

I'm not happy that I'm burned out. I don't even want to admit that I am. In fact, I'm not admitting it. I'm willing to grant that the possibility exists that I'm a little tired. But thats all.

Anyway, I have a long to do list in front of me, 3 open Word documents with some important stuff in each one of them, plans for tonight and some reading to do. So I'm going to go get started on my lists of stuff and think a little.

Jake

2006-07-26T15:18:00.000-05:00

There was a party over the weekend that I went to, but didn't really enjoy at all.

All the ussual suspects were there and I had been in a really great mood leading up to the party. I had a few scenes being negotiated, it was a chance to see some people I don't get to see often enough, and the playspace is really great. The plan was to head out there and grill out and hang out. Then possibly play and have a good time.

And I just didn't have any fun at all. I did one pretty mild brief scene with a good friend. Normally we play harder and longer, but I just wasn't feeling it and so I called it. Didn't safeword, just said that I was done during a pause in the action. And, that scene wasn't very much fun. I mean if the scale is -10 to 10 with 0 being neutral, -10 being appallingly horrid and 10 being super fabulous.....it was like a 2 or 3. Not bad, just not really all that good. I was hoping that scene would get me in a better mood but it didn't.

I was smart enough to cancel a scene that I had asked to do with Batina. I just knew if we did it, that it would end poorly. I'm very glad I decided not to play even though I wanted to and even though I really want the type of scene I asked for.

In thinking about this, I've realized that I can't remember the last private party that went well for me. Everytime one happens, I seem to have some sort of issue. Ussually a bad reaction to a scene. But every event in the past few months has started with me walking into feeling bad, feeling off, feeling that things somehow aren't right. And each time, things seem to go badly.

And I know that its bringing down other people. I mean, parties are like that. One sad person is infectious. Right now, I'm considering whether I even want to go to the next party, whenever it is or even go to the next big event (KinkyKollege). Everytime I go, it seems to end badly, so better to just skip it is my thinking.

Right now the munch is on an every other week schedule rather than weekly. And tomorrow we have a munch....I'm thinking of not going. Just finding something else to do with tomorrow night. I just can't seem to get interested and happy (at the same time) about BDSM recently. And I'm not exactly sure what to do either.

Anyway, I'll figure it all out eventually.

Jake

I'm back

2006-07-22T14:04:00.000-05:00

And once again, Jake has failed to update his blog for, um, like forever. But, I'm back in a blog writting mood and I always loved writting here when it was a good habit, so yeah, we'll see how this goes.

First, had a wonderful date with Batina the other night, good times were had by all.

Second, because there is a just and loving god, I picked up my new car a few hours ago. Its a beautifully maintained Mazda 626 with lots of cool features. And its only about $200 more than my settlement. And I was looking at cars that were as much as $800 more than my settlement (plus tax, title, plates, etc) which were much less fabulous. Now I get to show it off. The sale went so smoothly, I am so happy that little bit of my life is over with.

Thirdly, hopefully, soon, like sometime next week, I will be able to move my primary residence back to my apartment. Which is good because all my stuff is there and I need to spend more time there and I want to get out of my parents place.

Fourth, I have a meeting with the chair of the department at school later this week to see about making the process of finishing a little easier. Hopefully, it will go well.

And lastly, I have a party tonight. At the same place and approx. the same time of year as my very first pervy party. Hopefully I'll have fun stories of that soon enough.

Well, time to go get something tasty to bring to the party and then get dressed. I will try to update more often in the coming days.

Jake

S is for stupid

2006-06-28T12:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was in many ways a red letter day. If the Red Letter is S for stupid.

I lost my Debit card at the mall. The place I get my hair done has a shitty card reader and so I had to use the ATM to get them cash. Which would be great if somewhere between the ATM the store and the door, I hadn't lost the card. But it was okay, I realized it soon enough to get it from mall security (the director of mall security must have a very very small penis if the gaudiness of your hat and uniform are any measure). I got my card back, called some people, hit another ATM (needed cash for drinks in the fruit loop) and drove to Andrew.

Except I left the card in the second ATM. Yes folks, I lost the same debit card (which I've had for years) twice in a 12 hour period....the second time, I hadn't even had the card for a full 30 minutes before I lost it. I was so busy on the phone that I ignored the loud beeping which occurred after I grabbed my cash and jumped into the car. Yeah.

Then, over dinner with the wonder twins (who aren't related and look nothing alike) and Andrew, I found out I had been subpoenaed. A guy vandalised a van at work back in september. And rather than pleading down to disorderly conduct or 4th degree lewd conduct with a kitchen appliance, he's going to court. After apparently firing atleast 4 public defenders and decieding to represent himself once every two weeks. My plan is to show up to court in ripped jeans and a hat that says "fuck you" on it. Then I'll say, when asked the first question, "I plead the 5th, until we work out the matter of this "Witness Fee" that your subpeona talked about". Thats when I'll get thrown in jail for contempt. Really, this case should have been plead out for the cost of damages plus a 500 dollar fine.

And last of all, I found a very nice present for someone. But I was unable to obtain it without my card. However, Andrew has come to the rescue on this.

Yes, yesterday was a red letter "S is for Stupid" day. Today i plan to spend the day looking for cars and then hanging with old co-workers who also have been ordered to court. Then Andrew and I might actually make it to the Fruit Loop.

Jake "S is for Stupid" Bullet

I'm back

2006-06-27T17:51:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems that I've let my blog get way too dusty. Which is less good. And in many ways I've missed the opportunity to write. To process things by writing them down, to share funny stories and to just send whatever passes for coherent thoughts in my mind float out into the blogosphere.

Well, that and it was suggested by people that I resume blogging.

So yeah, here I am.

And, I'm not sure what to write. Which is somewhat amazing when you think about it. Alot has happened since my last entry. And, yeah, I don't know what to write.

So, I'll blog later tonight or tomorrow. Andrew and I are going boy hunting at what passes for gay leather bars in the area.

Jake

2006-05-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

I was in the middle of making the bed, but then I realized I just want to write. And I owe it to some people in my life to write about some stuff. So this may have a sort of stream of conciouness feel to it, hopefully its readable.

-I'm over at Sally Jane's place, I'll be leaving in like 3 hours, but I only have maybe 45 minutes worth of tasks to do and thats if I move at a slow pace. So I'm not worried.

-I'm getting more and more concerned about my appetite of late. See, since approximately when I started a new medicine, my appetite has gone down like 50-67%. I'm only eating half to a third of what I normally eat. And part of me says "well its not like you don't have ten's of thousnads of calories stored around your midsection, so just don't worry about it.". And I have lost a significant amount of weight both in terms of pounds and in terms of inches over the past few weeks. Which is good, I need to lose weight. And this isn't like the med I tried like 4 years ago which made it absolutely impossible to eat for a week. I can eat, I sort of want to eat, but not really.....its just, I look around at various kitchens and resturants and delivery places and see nothing I want.

-The other day I went out to dinner with Andrew and I wanted comfert food. So, we go to the chain of pasta stores and order my ultimate personal comfert food A large order of Mac and Cheese, Chicken on the side and evtra cheese. Cool, right? I grab choptix (look its a thing, leave me alone) and toss the chicken in the pasta and begin to eat. And I don't want any more of it at half way. It pretty much tastes fine, and I'm with good company and the discussion isn't such that I can't split my attention between Andrew and my food. But I decide to keep trying to pick at food. And in the end, I *can't* eat any more, I don't want anymore and just looking at it is making me slightly sick. And there is still a third of the dish in the plate. And for the record, I have *never* ordered that dish and not finished it easily. I'm getting slightly concerned. But I can't shake the voice that says "Um, dude, you need to lose weight badly, like medically, so don't fuck with something thats thinning you out". Oh well.

-Tonight, Batina and Sally Jane and I are going running, we're training for a marathon, the Chicago marathon. Later this week we will sign up for the marathon with the non-redundable, no-transferable, pretty up there cost. So its either run it or blow the cash. If I can run a marathon, I can do anything.

-In about 5 minutes, I'm going to use WebMD or something to learn more about the new meds.

-Then there was the party yesterday. Which went....less well, which is my doing. It was a fun party. A bunch of pervs including Jakc, Batina, Sally Jane, me, Sally Jane's new boy, and serveal other good pervy friends. And somewhere in between walking in and half way through, I went from in a good mood and talking and being social and all that jazz, to completely flat. I was in such a funk that I was bringing down the entire mood of the party. And everyone saw it. And everyone asked about it. And Sally Jane and Batina tried the little things that normally help perk me up (playing with the back of my head, giving me a micro endorphin rush by twisting my nip, etc). And nothing helped. And I just sat there the whole party, bring everyone down, not saying anything, with a long face. And I feel bad that I fucked up the party. And I know Sally Jane and Batina are worried about me, which is totally understandable. And everyone, including me, is confused because I don't know why or how or when it happened. And so, now I'm here, spewing in my blog because I don't know what to say or do. I need to find a way either not to be flat, or to quickly recover. Grrrrr.

-Later this week, its time to get better running shoes and the training book we are using on running a marathon. Myabe I'll hit up Amazon and order now.

-My parents and I still have hours of "discussions" left to have which thrills me to no end. I just want a car to use, and to be back at my own house again. Grrrrr.

-I need to talk to Andrew and figure out if Saturday works for him.

-The weirdest thing about not eating, is that I'm hungry, sort of, but I don't want to eat. In fact in the last 24 hours, I've had a few beers, a few Rockstar's, a gluecose tab, and a small amount of baked beans. Oh, and a few strawberries with a bit of cake/tor/pie thingy. Thats not alot. Thats alot less than normal. And I keep looking around for something I actually want to eat, and I see nothing even remotely appetizing. Nothing. This is getting odd.

-I wish I had answers for Sally Jane and Batina about yesterday. And I wish I had some answers for when even more people start asking me about the party come munch time. And I wish I had answer for myself. Grrrrrr. Becuase I know Sally Jane is confused, and I know that Batina feels me mentally screaming into her ear. And I know everyone else is wondering a combination of "whats wrong with Jake/Did I do something?". And I can do is say that I don't think it was driving over (I don't like cars but I freak out whenever I have to be a passenger) which I know Sally Jane worried about. And I don't think that anyone did or said anything thing messed with my head. So, I'm leaft pretty sure it wasn't 2 things, but without even a good theory as to why I was so off my game.

-I should go work on chores and then grab a shower and then get ready to head over to Batina's for our run. Me thinks that it would be easiest for us all, once we figure out how long all of this takes us to do, to scheudle it into our various calanders the same as an appointment or a date.

Alright, time to be productive.

Jake Bullet

2006-04-28T11:01:00.000-05:00

Randomness.

Thoughts of the day are as follows:

-I *can* use my current parking sticker on the shitty minivan that I am stuck in. I don't even have to visit the police station I can just write in the information myself. W00t! This means as soon as possible, like, um, Saturday, I am getting out of my parents house.

-I think I'm driving my parents just as nuts as they are driving me. And talking to my father this morning, he says we need to have a "discussion" but my lifestyle (i.e. my social calander and my sleep times.) Problems with this are, I've been (generally) going to bed at midnight/1-ish and waking up at 8or for several weeks now, I dunno what they are bitching about. Problem the second, my social life is actually tighter and more scheudled out now than it ever has been. What do my parents think just because I don't call them from my own apartment and say "Hey just as an FYI, I'm going for drinks and not sleeping at my own house tonight", that it doesn't happen?? WTF. Also, if they want me to do boring, mindnumbing tasks that they only mention offhand once every 3 weeks, then they need to more firmly remind me to do it, otherwise, it ain't getting done. Additionally, since when did my social schuedle or sex life become there business?? And, since when do I need permission to walk of a room to take an important phone call?? Grrrrrr. I'll be out soon and a much happier boy.

-Next, Sally Jane looks happy and that makes me happy. Yeee Haww!!!

-Next, I'm going to spend a fair amount of my day cleaning, and I'm okay with that.

-Next, I nearly have a very important letter finished. Need to run it by Jonathon and probably Batina/Sally Jane, but its looking good.

-Next, mentally taking alllllllllll of yesterday off was very good for me, I was able to be happy, pleasent, conversational and give good massages at the munch yesterday rather than being flat and negative.

-Next, I need to write an e-mail to Batina/Sally Jane. Thats right after the letter is done.

-Next, this laptop is very hot, I am not even going to set this thing on my bare legs and type. can we spell 2nd degree burns?

-I have awesome green/yellow/purple bruises on me....and thats hot. Hey, Mr. Ninja, next time I'm in Chitown, want to do a straight up punching scene???

-Next, I need to call my doc re: massive appitite changes.

-Next, I need to buy a book called "The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer"

-Next, Yesterday I decieded to train to run a marathon with Batina and some others. I don't care how long it takes to finish, but fuck, if I can finish a marathon I can fucking to anything.

-Next, Henceforth, Batina's new boyfriend (okay they have been seeing each other for awhile, but whatever) will henceforth be known as.....Jack....because thats nothing like his name. Sally Jane's new possible boy toy will get a name soon enough, if he keeps being the awesome person we all think he is.

-Next, I need to find some casual way of letting Sally Jane's new boy toy know that if he hurts her even a little, even on accident, even if its only for a fraction of a moment, then I'll break every bone in his hand. I think thats fair? Right? :-D

Okay, I could keep "Nexting" (which is an old debater thing for when we forgot whether we were on point 13 or 14 and just stopped numbering) all morning, but I want to be productive. So....

Toodles!

Jake Bullet

2006-04-26T14:19:00.000-05:00

Well, I just got done meeting with a psych guy regarding ADD. And it was a fairly productive meeting, so yeah there's that. I'll be seeing him again next week to start working.

I'm still dealing with this ridiculous insurance thing. What pisses me off the most is if they had said "Hey we broke your part, but weren't going to fix it, so go fuck yourself", well then I could have just gone and taken care of it right away and it would only cost 100 bucks. Not the obscene amounts this is going to cost. But I've got a few options and so I'm going to keep working those angles.

I feel kind of weird lately. Just kind of mentally out of it. But, that'll come and go, so I'm not all that concerned, its just a little annoying. And for no reason I can discern, my appetite is fallen alot. Like I'm sort of hungry, but I don't want anything to eat. Its weird.

But oh well, I have a letter to write to insurance people today, and something to write up for Batina and Sally Jane and also a thing for the new pysch guy. So I guess I'm going to go write. But first, I'm going to go wander around the kitchen and not find anything to eat again.

Jake Bullet

Mentally whacking off

2006-04-25T13:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, fine, we can all admit, I don't want to be at my parents house right now. I miss my things, my set up, etc. But I can't do anything about it. So its time to stop mentally masturbating and just get some stuff done.

I've moved all my ADD books into my temporary room, I've started a folder on the computer where I can keep my stuff and I've got a very important appointment tomorrow. I can still get alot of stuff done at my parents house. I may not like being here, but whining about it gets me no where. And is unproductive. And is probably annoying to the people around me.

So, on todays agenda we have the following:

-Take Amen's test then read his book
-Make notes of small items you want to get before school (special alarm clock, timer, new organizational scheme, etc)
-Go back to dealership to deal with car (short version, Valvoline broke my car to the tune of $1300-$1800....they want to give me $105 and a can of STP....we are in negotiations and I have no car now.)
-Make notes for possible book (maybe do a version of it as an indy study at school???) on ADD

I may not be at my house, but I can be productive just the same. Oh and I need to remember to eat. I completely forgot to eat anything at all yesterday....not good for stomach.

Oh, and anyone with ADD who reads this, feel free to offer advice or drop me a note, I can always use more information.

Okay time for work....and pasta.

Jake Bullet

ADHD

2006-04-24T23:30:00.000-05:00

Well, it appears that I haven't really posted anything in over a month. Which is unussual for me.

But its been pointed out several times recently that I haven't been blogging at all of late. And, to be honest, I miss the opportunity to write, to vent, to mentally explore ideas, to comment on my own life and my friends lives. Lately, I've missed it more than before and so here we are once again.

Why did I stop blogging for 6 weeks? Well, several reasons. Sometimes I just don't feel like writing anything, sometimes I forget, sometimes I don't have time. And all of those reasons have occured at one point or another recently, but its really not the main reason. I got out of the habit because I didn't want to write about something specific and habits/rituals are good things for me. They help me keep things in track.

What didn't I want to write about? Well, I dropped out of school in early Feburary.

I dropped out of school. I dropped out because I had reached a point at which it was less productive for me to be in school than to drop out. My grades had been steadily falling, my attendence was horrid, and I couldn't keep track of the day to day details in my life. And its because I had unmanaged, unmedicated ADHD.

I've had ADHD since I was 8, but starting Sophmore year I stoped taking meds and I didn't have any coping strategies.

So I've been spending the time since then seeing doctors, reading books, learning about ADD, and trying to get ready for when I go back. I now have a PDA, a purse (god do I love having a purse!), alot of other small things to help me cope. And I've made alot of good measurable forward steps and I still have more to do.

But yeah, Batina and Sally Jane and I are still having huge amounts of fun, and they are the two best allies I could ever ask for. I'm planning on going to Shibaricon in a few weeks. I've done alot of really good stuff lately. I've hit some road bumps, but I'm working with those. Working on becoming mentally healthier and learning how to drive the race car that is my mind.

So yes, I will try to bring blogging back into my life. And try to keep it interesting for all who still read. But yeah, I'm back and I'm getting better than I have ever been.

Jake Bullet

2006-04-06T11:55:00.000-05:00

Still have the plague, and its getting worse not better. Therefore, I am going to the urgent care clinic in about 20 minutes.

And (this hella sucks) I can't go to the munch tonight. I almost never miss them and I am already pissed that I can't go, but I know after an hour or two I'd feel like microwaved poop and I might infect all my friends. But I still reserve my right to pout about the fact that I can't go hang with my friends.

On a lighter note here are the last 5 songs I've listened to on my computer

-Theme to Brokeback Mountain
-You spin me right round (The 80's are coming back!)
-Swing Life Away by Rise Against
-Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie
-Let's Push Things Forward by The Streets

I have an odd collection of music

Jake

productive

2006-03-29T23:36:00.000-06:00

Today was supposed to be a productive day.

I was going to pick a cell phone (for when I switch in a week or so), learn more about possible PDA's, attend a very important meeting to get answers to a problem I have, and do some more reading. Supposed to.

Here's what happened.

-The only solutions that the meeting offered would make my problem worse not better, once again, I don't fit in the mold. And thats probably my fault.

-I can't pick a phone because I can't find out which ones are relaiable (I want an inexpensive one to come with the plan, so I'm very limited in the choices)

-I didn't get any research done on PDA's....the one I want is too expensive for the money I have available. So I need to keep looking. Hurray for me.

-Three books and a hat came in the mail. The problem is one of the books is written by a woman who I think is pyschotic (and I only skimmed her ramblings), another is written by guys with real problems making me feel like a whiner for even bringing mine up, and the 3rd is too short to offer any help. Plus I look terrible in the hat.

Today's been great, just great. Tomorrow's looking even better.

Jake

2006-03-24T19:34:00.000-06:00

Today, I realized that 75 percent of the keys on my key ring were useless. Keys to old cars, old offices, a bike lock I no longer have, old houses and sveral that I have no idea what they were ever for. So I got a new system and dumped 12 useless keys. I still have them, just in case....but now I'm only going to carry the essentials.

Oh yeah, and tomorrow....Andrew and I are going purse shopping.....for me. I just need more storage space.....I'm manly enough to be able to carry a purse.

Jake

Screw you Sprint, I'm going home

2006-03-22T18:11:00.000-06:00

Screw you Sprint!

I'm done with sprint, done. Absolutely completely done. I'm sick of bad reception, dropped reception, incoherent billing, pricey service, dropped calls and all of it.

Sprint can officially eat my ass. Its time for the good people of Sprint to play my favorite game....Hide and Go Fuck Yourself.

T-mobile is out too, Andrew has toooooo many horror stories already. So I am going to take an hour sometime tonight to compare US Cellular and Cingular. And soon I will pick one and switch.

(In defense of Sprint, when I went to the store about an hour ago, they were able to give me 500 additional anytime minutes for the month, giving me around 200 minutes to actual use in the coming days. Buying those minutes also changed my bill from about $140 to $50. But, other than that they suck.)

If anyone has suggestions on which company is better, I'd love to hear. All I want to do is make calls....I don't care about ringtones, games, text messaging (I *maybe* send 5 of those a month), or anything fancy. I just want uber minutes for low price and a huge block of time listed as Night and weekend/unlimited use.

Stupid bloody phones.

I'll blog more later.

Jake Bullet