A New Rule

My apologies if this sounds a little pissy, but I'm willing to bet several people who read this can relate. But a little backstory first.

One thing in the realm of BDSM that I do better than many new people is observing various rules of etiquette and safety. That's because I want to be respected in the community. I don't want to alienate potential friends/play partners/lovers. And lastly, I have a deep seated fear of very publicly screwing up or hurting someone. So etiquette and safety are big things for me. Safety is everyone's responsibility.

I bought a new toy, my first real flogger from Katana, a local leathersmith who is very well spoken of. Plus he's a hoot to drink with even if we had to agree to disagree during basketball season. He made me a beautiful flogger, made of red and black leather. The handle is branded into this pattern of alternating red and black diamonds and the falls are all perfectly straight, evenly cut, the leather was obviously high quality and I am extremely happy with his work. He brought it to the Thursday munch for me to take ownership of.

The munch has a no toys rule for various very good reasons, one of which is people tend to try to use them if they are there. Well, I brought the flogger in and showed it briefly to the Poet, Jack, Jill and Andrew. All of whom I trust. Later, someone I had never met asked "May I see that?" And I stupidly agreed and handed it over, then turned back to Jill to make a point in our conversation. The moment I turned around, I see this woman using the flogger on a guy wearing a horrendous tie who is over another woman's knee. I'd never met any of them. People were *supposed* to look, feel it, then hand it back and say "who made that?". Now, she was throwing the flogger in a manner which suggested that she had never been on either end of a flogger before and had never seen someone properly use it. I mean, think overly ditzy porn star who thinks everything is funny and just does things without a thought running through the head. The man is doing everything to encourage her to hit harder and hence throw the flogger even more wildly and poorly than she was and the second woman was laughing. Is this okay?

Um, how about fuck no??

Its a crowded, public bar, for gods sake. And its my toy, not yours. Yeah, we have a private room, but shit people, you might hit someone who definitely didn't consent. Or you might mess up my toy in which case I'll kill you with your own shoe. Well, fortunately the group leader put a rapid stop to this just as I was getting up to stop it myself. Who is the one who (rightly) got a little chewed out over this??? Me. Jake. Yeah. Now, I deserved to be reminded of the rule. The leader and I get along great and have known each other for over a year. She was the first person I met, so I didn't really get chewed out, but rather a mini lecture. But it looked bad and I should have known better.

I was incredibly pissed however. I won't even touch something that isn't mine unless I have direct permission. Most of the time at Shibaricon in the vendors area, I would look and if I wanted to touch, I'd ask the vendor. I'll look casually at something in someone's bag and if really interested, very politely ask to see. If they say yes, I hold it, touch it and then hand it back. I don't use it or try to play with it. And I won't even think about using a toy without being taught how first. People get hurt when you assume that its easy to do needleplay or flogging or something. Its nice to be hurt in the happy fun way, but getting a flogger to the head in the middle of a bar when you aren't expecting it is not what I would call a good scene. Call me picky.

So here is the new rule. Unless I know you and I trust you, you may look at but not touch my toys. And no one is using them without saying "hey Jake, may I use this?" Plus, I'm not bring anymore toys to the bar. Yeah, bringing a little rope right after Shibaricon was fun and I miss it, but I understand why. If I want to practice or show stuff off, well, then I'll have people over to my house.

I guess I just really don't understand why people do things like this. Sure, trying new things is great and I understand its easy to be overwhelmed and want to dive right into things after getting a small taste. But there's a time and place. And a method. Just guessing at what looks neat isn't the method. That's how people get hurt. Have someone you know show you how things work. Learn how to do things safely. And be respectful of the people who are teaching you, showing you things and the random bystanders.

Anyway, in other news. Hi, to any new readers. Welcome to the wild world of Jake Bullet.

The Poets back. We got Indian food with Andrew (he didn't like it) and unfortunately left the left-overs in the car for 15 hours after dinner. Which means I didn't get to finish my Chicken Tika Masala. I wanted to but the Poet pretty much shut that down by reminding me of food poisoning. I miss my curry left-overs. Oh well, I guess I'll have to go back to the curry resturant, you talked me into it.

I'm working 30 hours of the next 60 hours. Please kill me.

The Poet has been gracious enough to help me clean my room. In exchange, she and her friend get to sleep over tomorrow while I'm at work. Plus I bought her lunch. A very fair trade in my opinion.

I got to talk to someone I've been wanting to talk to for awhile today. I enjoyed that greatly. And I thank the Poet for waking me up in time to have that conversation.

Alright, well, I must be off, its nearly time to take my flashlight and go point it at various parts of an empty building. Ta ta all. And keep the comments coming.

Jake